Of North, South and West...

Discussion in 'Humor' started by CivilLiberty, Feb 15, 2005.

  1. CivilLiberty
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    CivilLiberty Active Member

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    Inspired by Dilloducks post, I've made one with commentary on the west:

    ---------

    The North has dating services,
    The South has family reunions,
    The West has Communes.

    The North has manicurists,
    The South has Lee Press-on Nails,
    The West has tattoo artists.

    The North has double last names,
    The South has double first names,
    The West had double-entendres for names.

    The North has Champaign,
    The South has Pabst Blue Ribbon,
    The West has Mocha Latte's

    The North has Indy car races,
    The South has stock car races,
    The West has electric vehicle races.

    The North has Cream of Wheat,
    The South has grits,
    The West has granola.

    The North has tennis courts,
    The South has fishing holes,
    The West has yoga studios.

    The North has green salads,
    The South has collard greens
    The West has Arugala, pine nuts, and goat cheese, served with a light vinegrette dressing.

    The North has lobsters,
    The South has crawfish,
    The West has shrimp sushi.

    The North has the rust belt,
    The South has the Bible Belt,
    The West has black belts in Tai Chi.

    The North has manufacturing,
    The South has Agriculture,
    The West has...hmmm... what the fuck do they do there anyway?


    -----


    Notes on moving to the west:

    1) Right-on, far-out, and Bitchin' all mean the same thing.

    2) That hamburger you're eating might be made with no meat at all in it.

    3) If you need to make a left turn, try to get into the left lane 3 or 4 blocks before you have to make your turn. If you are trying to make a left turn where there is no traffic signal, bring a book to read because you may be at the intersection awhile.

    4) When you're a pedestrian, walk really slow through the crosswalks. When you're driving, get really pissed at the people walking really slow through the crosswalks.

    5) When it rains, people run inside, because rain is scary.

    6) Appropriate clothing is a T-shirt and Shorts. Even in winter.

    7) If you wear a tie, people will think you're a Mormon missionary. Even the FBI agents and insurance salesmen don't wear ties here.

    8) "Sushi" means "cold raw fish to eat".

    9) Instead of church, people attend Yoga, combining their spirituality with their workout, saving time.

    10) Don't assume someone's gender based solely on their appearance - think of people here like a big box of chocolates - you don't know what you've got till you bite into one!


    Cheers,


    Andy Somers
     
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  2. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    what about the east coasters
     
  3. freeandfun1
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    freeandfun1 VIP Member

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    The North has manufacturing,
    The South has Agriculture,
    The West has mining, logging or probably the most accurate, entertainment
     
  4. CivilLiberty
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    CivilLiberty Active Member

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    You left out computers and technology too.

    Yes, I was *going* to put entertainment (after all, I am writing this from my office on the lot of a certain major film studio), but the "what do we do" was funnier.

    A
     
  5. CivilLiberty
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    CivilLiberty Active Member

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    Same as "north".


    A
     
  6. freeandfun1
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    freeandfun1 VIP Member

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    I know, I am being picky, but the West can't claim the corner (or even close to it) on technology or computes. Dell is based in Texas, IBM is headquartered in New York and although Gateway is now based in San Diego, they got their start in South Dakota (and I am not sure where they fit in - north or west).

    And as for technology, although the Bay area (and San Jose especially) has a lot of high-tech companies, Long Island (Hauppague area), Upstate New York, Boston (and other parts of Mass) and Connecticut all have a lot of high-tech companies (the original hotbead of technology).

    So I think entertainment (think, LA (of course), Vegas, Grunge in Seattle, skiiing, beaches, Disney Land, Sea World, etc.) is what we have out here as there is no place in America with as much entertainment as the Western USA (well, save NYC but they don't have the variety we have in the west).

    Just some thoughts..... not that it is such a serious subject!
     
  7. freeandfun1
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    freeandfun1 VIP Member

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    That explains a lot! :laugh:
     
  8. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    One word: Microsoft!
     
  9. freeandfun1
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    freeandfun1 VIP Member

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    Without a platform on which to operate, MS is useless.

    But I get your point.
     
  10. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    I'm sure it wouldn't take long for MS to come up with its own PC brand, if push came to shove.
     

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