"We are pleased to present the 2009-2010 Stanley Cup to President Obama for his innate ability to skate around every issue that comes his way. Forwards, backwards or sideways, his skating ability is second to none." "We are also seriously considering awarding him the Defenseman of the Year award not only for his backwards skating ability, but also his ability to defend against everything he's done wrong by effectively blaming all ills on someone who hasn't been in office for almost a year. The fact that people actually buy this defensive maneuver is testimony to his skills." In other news, the Vatican has confirmed a request by un-named special interest groups to immediately beatify Saint Barack of Chicago bypassing the normal 5 years after death requirement for this honor. The Vatican is resisting this however, amid increased criticism that they're obviously racist for this delay in granting the request. Developing.. Obama wins another prize!!!!!!!