Nobel Peace Prize Committee Informs Trump He Has Not Launched Enough Drone Strikes To Qualify

Discussion in 'Political Satire' started by Weatherman2020, Sep 26, 2019.

  1. Weatherman2020
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    Weatherman2020 Diamond Member

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    The committee called Trump's drone strike numbers "rookie numbers" and said he should look to previous winners like Barack Obama as an example.


    OSLO, NORWAY—The Norwegian Nobel Committee was reportedly considering President Trump as a recipient of its prestigious Nobel Peace Prize, as the president had submitted his name for consideration to them over 67 times. But after reviewing his credentials, the committee concluded that he had not launched enough drone strikes against foreigners to qualify.

    "Yeah, you've dabbled in attacks, but what we're really looking for is someone who's really committed to a secret drone war," said a spokesperson for the committee. "Look at previous winners like Barack Obama: now there's a shining example of someone who achieved world peace not through lame diplomacy but by blowing up foreigners with impunity."

    Obama also criticized Trump's drone strike count, saying they were "rookie numbers" and he needs to "pump those numbers up."

    "My fellow Americans, it represents a danger to democracy when we have a president who's either unwilling or unable to bomb as many foreigners as I did," Obama said, reading off a teleprompter. "During my scandal-free presidency, I was able to drop over 26,000 bombs some years."

    "Those were the days," he added, going off-script as his eyes glazed over and he recalled the feeling of dark, evil power that coursed through his veins when he ordered drone strikes on foreign nations we were not at war with, innocent civilians, and the occasional American citizen.

    The Nobel Prize committee said they would consider Trump again next year, provided he starts a war with Iran.

    Nobel Peace Prize Committee Informs Trump He Has Not Launched Enough Drone Strikes To Qualify
     
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  2. toobfreak
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    toobfreak Gold Member

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    Trump's mistakes are obvious:
    • He hasn't released enough enemy combatants back into the field to kill more Americans.
    • He doesn't kowtow to the Muslims.
    • He hasn't disrupted a continent yet causing millions to flea death and billions in destruction.
    • He doesn't suck EU dick
     
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  3. Jackson
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    Jackson Gold Member Supporting Member

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    And he hasn't crossed the globe apologizing for the US.

    But Obama hit the toilet 7 out if 10 times he peed, so he got the Peace Prize after 3 months in office.
     
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