NFL adds First Amendment to list of banned substances

[DrLove]

Sounds about right

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The National Football League has expanded its list of banned substances to include the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, the league confirmed on Wednesday.

Although the N.F.L. has long banned substances such as anabolic steroids and growth hormones, the First Amendment is believed to be the only right guaranteed by the Constitution to be included on the list.

Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, said that, by adding the First Amendment to the list of banned substances, the N.F.L was establishing a “policy of zero tolerance on tolerance.”

In order to enforce the ban, Goodell said that players would be tested periodically to determine whether they had used words, gestures, or facial expressions that are strictly prohibited under the new rule.

Speaking at the White House, Donald Trump applauded the league for banning the approximately seventeen hundred N.F.L. players from exercising freedom of speech, and expressed hope that the ban could eventually be expanded to include the other three hundred and twenty-five million Americans.​

N.F.L. Adds First Amendment to List of Banned Substances

 

[LA RAM FAN]

yeah as much as I hated traiter Obomination that was the ONE THING he did that I approved of from him was that he recognized that americans should have the right to stand or not stand and salute the flag.I love a lot of Trumps DOMESTIC policys,Foreign a much different story,but I dont like this BS crap he is doing with the NFL. He really pissed me off when he made that speech about NFL players should have to salute the flag or be banned from the game.

 

[Darkwind]

When did the NFL become a government?

 

[Hellbilly]

Sounds about right

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The National Football League has expanded its list of banned substances to include the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, the league confirmed on Wednesday.

Although the N.F.L. has long banned substances such as anabolic steroids and growth hormones, the First Amendment is believed to be the only right guaranteed by the Constitution to be included on the list.

Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, said that, by adding the First Amendment to the list of banned substances, the N.F.L was establishing a “policy of zero tolerance on tolerance.”

In order to enforce the ban, Goodell said that players would be tested periodically to determine whether they had used words, gestures, or facial expressions that are strictly prohibited under the new rule.

Speaking at the White House, Donald Trump applauded the league for banning the approximately seventeen hundred N.F.L. players from exercising freedom of speech, and expressed hope that the ban could eventually be expanded to include the other three hundred and twenty-five million Americans.​

N.F.L. Adds First Amendment to List of Banned Substances

Andy Borowitz writes satirical comedy for the New Yorker.

Sent from my SM-J727VPP using Tapatalk

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

the kneeler are racist

 

[DrLove]

Andy Borowitz writes satirical comedy for the New Yorker.

Sent from my SM-J727VPP using Tapatalk

Yes - Well aware. But I always pull at least 1 or 2 Trump supporters into Andy's stuff who think that it's real.

 

[DrLove]

the kneeler are racist

Brilliant - thanks for your epic contribution!

 

[Rocko]

Liberals will always disingenuously claim this is a first amendment issue. Lying is what they do

 

[LA RAM FAN]

Time for

Liberals will always disingenuously claim this is a first amendment issue. Lying is what they do

the way you LIE to yourself living in denial trying to desperatly convinces yourself shady brady and the cheatriots have not tainted a great sport and created the biggest scandal in sports history since the black sox scandal which is the TRUE reason NFL ratings are down the fact that their prime tine NATIONAL opener was at an all time low last year. but everybody else in the world is wrong and your right,yeah i know.

 

[IsaacNewton]

"Kneel before Jayzus! casts thou into the barbecue pit of fire out back"


~ New Church Rules ~

There will be no kneeling, crouching, slouching, bending over, leaning, tilting, or other bodily expression of less than standing while in church. JAYZUS has spoken!

"Thine Constitutional rights are 'god given' and sacrosanct, but thou best not use them, especially the 1st amendment where YOU get to speak your mind. I will defend to the death your right to speak but you better never fucking say a word or make a gesture that I don't like asshole or I'll try to get you fired and shut your fat yapper for you."


It's a lot like when Jesus says "what you do for the least of these my brothers you do also to me." You didn't actually believe that shit did you?

 

[WillowTree]

Sounds about right

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The National Football League has expanded its list of banned substances to include the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, the league confirmed on Wednesday.

Although the N.F.L. has long banned substances such as anabolic steroids and growth hormones, the First Amendment is believed to be the only right guaranteed by the Constitution to be included on the list.

Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, said that, by adding the First Amendment to the list of banned substances, the N.F.L was establishing a “policy of zero tolerance on tolerance.”

In order to enforce the ban, Goodell said that players would be tested periodically to determine whether they had used words, gestures, or facial expressions that are strictly prohibited under the new rule.

Speaking at the White House, Donald Trump applauded the league for banning the approximately seventeen hundred N.F.L. players from exercising freedom of speech, and expressed hope that the ban could eventually be expanded to include the other three hundred and twenty-five million Americans.​

N.F.L. Adds First Amendment to List of Banned Substances

So an employer in a theatre can shout fire? And you would object to his employer saying no?