From the AP newswire: Press Secretary Dan Rather reports this am that President Hillary Clinton has returned home from her trip to Germany accompanied by her husband Secretary General Bill Clinton. The Clintons who were visiting the last hold out nation from the new ONE WORLD ORDER were there explaining the new American Social Health Plan and addressing some of the concerns folks in Germany had expressed. "Yes, death from common cold among 4-8 yr olds is up 13% in the US however we expected there would be some transitional problems associated with the logistics of this huge undertaking" replied Mrs. Clinton. Most of this problem is the Republicans who believe private health care was better refusing to sign up and get on the waiting list for treatment. You see, they are killing our children. Other news reports have it that a comment was made by the Clinton Pink House that the problem would take care of itself. Secretary of State Ted Kennedy has indicated that the prison system is busting at the seams with Republicans who continue to use illegal money with God printed on it. "This will quickly eradicate the number of Republicans in society and therefore before long we will have no opposition" he declared. Secretary of Education Charles Rangal admitted there has been some problems with the new education reforms but bragged that most high school seniors could now spell their last name without referring to their wrist mounted microchips for assistance. Attorney General Schmann had no replies when asked his opinion. Secretary of Defense John Kerry said "all was well" at the Pentagon! Reconstruction of the building since the November attacks by Iranian warheads was going well and that everyone understoon "it was just a mistake that the missile was fired". Surgeon General Howard Dean reports that :the Creepy Flu" pandemic had only killed 300,000 not 4,000,000 which had been reported earlier. He blamed radical illegal Republican groups for the misinformation. "I HATE THEM" he said. Stay tuned to Standardized American News Service for furthur reports.