The US Government News Service has discovered today that there are HETROSEXUAL groups known to exist in rural areas in the US. Surgeon General Howard Dean reported to White House Press Secretary Katie Couric that someone from his office had been tipped off that these radical groups were existant in parts of the country. He furthur that they must be located and the females must be sterilized or the entire Controlled Test Tube Population Technology began in 2016 will be undermined. "We could have people growing up outside the bounds of Government", he exclaimed. "If these people become parents and are able to raise these children, 10 years of hard work by our government to solve the population problem will be wasted". Melissa Etheridge (Secretary for Cultural Affairs) met with third term president Hillary Clinton yesterday to discuss the matter. "Hetro's are evil she told the president, we already have to live with men on the planet to do heavy lifting but knowing these weirdo's are having intercourse is sick! Next they will be protesting in the Rose Garden!" she said. As you know hetrosex was outlawed in 2016 and deemed "nasty". The President supported the Senate Vote of 96-2 (95 demovrats) in signing the law into effect. "Controlled Population will be healthy for our nation" she said. The "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy of hetrosexual activity was in effect but it didn't work. Test Tube babies are healthier and can be programmed to understand that the US Government knows best for us. Each new baby comes programmed to be attracted to the same sex like it should be. This cures the welfare problem, overpopulation, people growing up to disagree with government, and many other cultural problems. "We should have started this in the 1970's", said Secretary of State Barney Frank. Then all those weirdo's would be dead by now and we could have a cleansed society. Canada continues to struggle with the Immigration problem caused by Hetro's moving in hundreds of thousands to their country. The infrastructure is taxed. Mexico of course refused to allow immigration and has built a 100 ft high wall supported by their new 200,000 man army to see that no Americans cross into their country. We'll keep you posted and remember the US News Service is brought to you by KY. Oh, this just in --------- Richard "Dick" Longer, the CEO of Schmidt Condom Co. has been convicted of Racketeering in the stock sell off scam. Witnesses testified that Dick sold every damn share he had and fled the US for China to open a new company. Stay tuned to WLIB TV for the latest US News Service updates. As you know we are the only network allowed to broadcast so you ain't got no choice. Remember Choice ain't good anyway. The US Government knows best!!!!!!!