Nation's criminals ask for FBI investigation "like Kavanaugh just got"

[DrLove]

Seems only fair

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest controversy to envelop the Supreme Court nominee, criminals across the United States are demanding that their cases receive the kind of F.B.I. investigation that Brett Kavanaugh just got.

From coast to coast, perpetrators of crimes ranging from arson to bank robbery are arguing that, if the F.B.I. investigates them at all, such investigations should be extremely limited in scope.

Harland Dorrinson, a criminal lawyer in Cleveland, said that his clients have followed the Kavanaugh probe “with great interest” and see it as “tailor-made” for the crimes for which they stand accused.

“My clients are asking that the F.B.I. investigate them for no more than five days and only talk to the witnesses I designate,” Dorrinson said. “We think this could be a huge time saver for everybody.”

One of his clients, Denton Faldo, currently faces twenty criminal counts of cooking and selling meth, but wants the F.B.I. to investigate only an unrelated speeding violation.

“It’s important that the F.B.I. wrap up this investigation by Friday and release me from jail in time for the weekend,” Faldo said. “A man’s life is in tatters.”​

Nation’s Criminals Ask for F.B.I. Investigation Kavanaugh Just Got

 

[miketx]

Seems only fair

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest controversy to envelop the Supreme Court nominee, criminals across the United States are demanding that their cases receive the kind of F.B.I. investigation that Brett Kavanaugh just got.

From coast to coast, perpetrators of crimes ranging from arson to bank robbery are arguing that, if the F.B.I. investigates them at all, such investigations should be extremely limited in scope.

Harland Dorrinson, a criminal lawyer in Cleveland, said that his clients have followed the Kavanaugh probe “with great interest” and see it as “tailor-made” for the crimes for which they stand accused.

“My clients are asking that the F.B.I. investigate them for no more than five days and only talk to the witnesses I designate,” Dorrinson said. “We think this could be a huge time saver for everybody.”

One of his clients, Denton Faldo, currently faces twenty criminal counts of cooking and selling meth, but wants the F.B.I. to investigate only an unrelated speeding violation.

“It’s important that the F.B.I. wrap up this investigation by Friday and release me from jail in time for the weekend,” Faldo said. “A man’s life is in tatters.”​

Nation’s Criminals Ask for F.B.I. Investigation Kavanaugh Just Got

The only problem with your fantasy is that Kavanaugh has not been charged with any crime, nor is there any evidence to support one. Next fakery.

 

[BlackFlag]

Seems only fair

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest controversy to envelop the Supreme Court nominee, criminals across the United States are demanding that their cases receive the kind of F.B.I. investigation that Brett Kavanaugh just got.

From coast to coast, perpetrators of crimes ranging from arson to bank robbery are arguing that, if the F.B.I. investigates them at all, such investigations should be extremely limited in scope.

Harland Dorrinson, a criminal lawyer in Cleveland, said that his clients have followed the Kavanaugh probe “with great interest” and see it as “tailor-made” for the crimes for which they stand accused.

“My clients are asking that the F.B.I. investigate them for no more than five days and only talk to the witnesses I designate,” Dorrinson said. “We think this could be a huge time saver for everybody.”

One of his clients, Denton Faldo, currently faces twenty criminal counts of cooking and selling meth, but wants the F.B.I. to investigate only an unrelated speeding violation.

“It’s important that the F.B.I. wrap up this investigation by Friday and release me from jail in time for the weekend,” Faldo said. “A man’s life is in tatters.”​

Nation’s Criminals Ask for F.B.I. Investigation Kavanaugh Just Got

The only problem with your fantasy is that Kavanaugh has not been charged with any crime, nor is there any evidence to support one. Next fakery.

If somebody commits murder and nobody investigates it, then it’s not a crime! Hooray!

 

[miketx]

Seems only fair

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest controversy to envelop the Supreme Court nominee, criminals across the United States are demanding that their cases receive the kind of F.B.I. investigation that Brett Kavanaugh just got.

From coast to coast, perpetrators of crimes ranging from arson to bank robbery are arguing that, if the F.B.I. investigates them at all, such investigations should be extremely limited in scope.

Harland Dorrinson, a criminal lawyer in Cleveland, said that his clients have followed the Kavanaugh probe “with great interest” and see it as “tailor-made” for the crimes for which they stand accused.

“My clients are asking that the F.B.I. investigate them for no more than five days and only talk to the witnesses I designate,” Dorrinson said. “We think this could be a huge time saver for everybody.”

One of his clients, Denton Faldo, currently faces twenty criminal counts of cooking and selling meth, but wants the F.B.I. to investigate only an unrelated speeding violation.

“It’s important that the F.B.I. wrap up this investigation by Friday and release me from jail in time for the weekend,” Faldo said. “A man’s life is in tatters.”​

Nation’s Criminals Ask for F.B.I. Investigation Kavanaugh Just Got

The only problem with your fantasy is that Kavanaugh has not been charged with any crime, nor is there any evidence to support one. Next fakery.

If somebody commits murder and nobody investigates it, then it’s not a crime! Hooray!

No need to tell me you support crime, we already know.

 

[DrLove]

If somebody commits murder and nobody investigates it, then it’s not a crime! Hooray!

This was my favorite line

Denton Faldo currently faces twenty criminal counts of cooking and selling meth, but wants the F.B.I. to investigate only an unrelated speeding violation.

 

[MarcATL]

It was only a matter of time before it came to this.

 

[DrLove]

It was only a matter of time before it came to this.

Their are two systems of justice - One for Trump, Bart and their wealthy entitled buddies.
The other for the "little people" .. Must viewing if ya missed:

 

[Wyatt earp]

It was only a matter of time before it came to this.

Their are two systems of justice - One for Trump, Bart and their wealthy entitled buddies.
The other for the "little people" .. Must viewing if ya missed:

I am rich and an elite? Could of fooled me.

 

[DrLove]

I am rich and an elite? Could of fooled me.

Don't bet so - which means you should probably learn on short order that if you were on fire, Donald Trump wouldn't piss on you.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

How about Hillary's "investigation" where Comey told us, sure, she's a criminal but didn't intend to be one

 

[miketx]

It was only a matter of time before it came to this.

Their are two systems of justice - One for Trump, Bart and their wealthy entitled buddies.
The other for the "little people" .. Must viewing if ya missed:

Prove it or shut up troll.

 

[The Irish Ram]

I am rich and an elite? Could of fooled me.

Don't bet so - which means you should probably learn on short order that if you were on fire, Donald Trump wouldn't piss on you.

That isn't true. You'd be hard pressed to find a Democrat that Republicans wouldn't be more than happy to piss on. Fire optional...

 

[bodecea]

How about Hillary's "investigation" where Comey told us, sure, she's a criminal but didn't intend to be one

Lock Her Up! Lock Her Up!

 

[Wyatt earp]

I am rich and an elite? Could of fooled me.

Don't bet so - which means you should probably learn on short order that if you were on fire, Donald Trump wouldn't piss on you.

It must be according to you, since all I have ever had was a slap on the wrist by the law .


.

 

[Defiant1]

It is amazing to watch liberals show how stupid they are while at the same time listen to them tell us how they are the most intelligent and educated people on the planet.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

How about Hillary's "investigation" where Comey told us, sure, she's a criminal but didn't intend to be one

Lock Her Up! Lock Her Up!

Good times

 

[rightwinger]

How about Hillary's "investigation" where Comey told us, sure, she's a criminal but didn't intend to be one

Lock Her Up! Lock Her Up!

What is taking Trump so long?