With the passing of this healthcare bill, your vices become our expense. Therefore, we expect you to refrain from the following activities: 1. Eating unhealthy food (as defined by the USDA) 2. Smoking 3. Drinking alcohol 4. Driving without a seatbelt, or with an MP3 player, or with a cellphone 5. Skydiving, Diving, Skiing, Snowboarding, Surfing, Hang-gliding, and Motorcycling 6. Contact sports 7. Tanning, Tattooing, and Body Modification 8. Unprotected, casual, or unorthodox sex 9. Ignoring a doctor's order As we attempt to maximize the effectiveness of our national healthcare system, while minimizing the costs, you will be legally penalized for any of the above behaviors. Have a Nice Day!