my mother has stage 5 alzheimer's...learn with me...

[Chris]

SB, you are building up treasures in heaven.

I don't know what else to say.

 

[strollingbones]

o damn it must be bad when save is seriouis that just flat out scares me..
thanks guy....

i am waiting on calls....i have vomited since 4 am...today is just gonna be great

 

[Foxfyre]

Wishing there were words of comfort for you Bones. For reasons you don't really want to know--not the same thing but the same kind of dynamics--I know what you're feeling. And I know how helpless it is to know the right thing to do for a loved one when nobody else can see it. And it is especially maddening and hurtful and a perfect emotional storm when you are made the villain.

So you're in the situation that you stand your ground or you back off and let them do what they want. You don't have to make that decision right this minute. When the time comes, you will make it though. And though you'll second guess yourself either way, the decision will bring a degree of relief.

Hang in there.

 

[saveliberty]

o damn it must be bad when save is seriouis that just flat out scares me..
thanks guy....

i am waiting on calls....i have vomited since 4 am...today is just gonna be great

Sorry, I forgot my role here. Okay, back up funny plan. Get a droll cup for Mom to use when the relatives visit. Nothing says nursing home quite like a drooler. Am I good now?

 

[strollingbones]

it was horrorible....first she told me she would call and let us know when she would arrive.. we called her cell twice...no answer....so da man takes the day off work....we drive to the alf...and wait...sure enough in they roll....all big and bad....and yes, she was shocked to see me waiting for them...i ask her....to not mention anything to mom...that if i wanted mom to live with her i could do that at any time...she rolled right in and told my mom she was taking her to her house...then she attempts to pin me down on a date she can

o wait da man is saying the bottom line is....if she cant answer her cell phone or call she sure in the hell is not taking care of my mom..when she can fucking decide she doesnt want to talk to us on the phone when we fucking call..then she cant look after my mom...he is ranting

but she attempts to pin me down on a date to move my mom to her house.....so today i put in writing who can take my mom out of the alf....guess who's name aint gonna be on that....(i mean take her out shopping etc) my mother did not know her brothers....her sister kept going...do you know these people blah blah blah which really pissed me off...you are never supppose to do that....

she meets with the staff and just pisses them off with her attitude....one staff member flat out stated the woman didnt want to care for my mother she wants to cause trouble and gain attention...

o and while she was here....she took phone calls the entire time.. they stayed 4 hours...after i ask them to make sure the visit was short....mom was exhausted...but in a pretty good mood.

i hugged her good bye...and told her to stop psing people that she hated me...she wrote my neighbor at home...he is reading me the letter...and stops and goes...ps..she hates you...she laughs...i swear...
after everyone left...my son told her how much it hurt me when she says that....she told him...she doesnt hate me..she hates what i have done....he ask her if she knew i was following the doctors advice and trying to do the best i could...she told him...she understood that...but it still fucking sucked...

now that is the mom i know and love....lol

 

[strollingbones]

o the sister will not run me over....i may be a fucking wimp..vomiting at 4 am....on my damned left foot....i just remember this big blob of stomach bile hitting my foot...all foamy and warm...i remember just kinda shaking my foot...when da man was putting socks on my feet...i told him i had vomitted on my foot...he ask if i has washed it...i had not...i was down for the count...i honestly did not know stress would do this....so yea the stress of waiting took me down...but i rebounded and got there before she did and stayed the entire time....my son, i or da man were with them about the entire time. they are fucking crazy....just plain crazy....

 

[strollingbones]

o a funny thing....i got my mom a small flat screen and told her it came with the room...i tell her everything comes with the room...the two recliners..the tv blah blah blah....so yesterday...she looks at me....she always gives you the skunk eye cause she only sees out of one eye....and goes....

"did you buy this tv"

me all innocent....nah mom...it comes with the room

skunk eye mom "why arent the same tv's in all the rooms"?

i found a low vision center for her....that is the next doctor...

 

[strollingbones]

but no, fox....no one runs over me...when it comes to my family...plus i have stopped any source of money they could seek.

 

[Valerie]

I really feel for ya bones. {{{{strollingbones}}}}

No doubt your mother loves you very much!

 

[strollingbones]

ahh today went great....she was semi happy to see me...didnt wanna take a shower after walking 6 miles...she walks 6 miles a day...which brings me to another major time consuming thing....aids and aids...not the disease the helpers....she threw a shoe at one....the same one she told to get out and chased down the hall...sooooooo i had cut back on the aids hours....and was gonna cut out the morning aids that she walks with...my son and i were gonna take turns walking her...well she was told this today and hit the roof...she went to the admins at the place and told them in no uncertian terms that she has never thrown out a morning aid (she tosses them everyday) and only throws out the evening aids (again she tosses them all at least once) and that they had best change the aids to what she wants....so of course i get the...we have a problem.....from the admins...but i got it flipped to what she wants...and i was glad to do it...it gives her some control

sooooo we go out....i take her out for lunch...we eat lunch..o and did i mess that up...the place was dark and looked like a barn...she was not too pleased.....we go shopping...she buys new shoes....her idea of buying new shoes...is walking in and tell the clerk she wants the identical shoe she has on....and he had them...then accused him of baiting and switching....but we get the shoes...

now remember i stopped payment on all the checks she has? well she goes to pay for her shoes with a damned check.....o fuck me...o fuck me...so i slide my debit card to the clerk...who by now has figured out ...mom is a wee bit addled.. mom informs me that i have no money and cant pay...o the irony.

so we finish shopping and i notice she is grumpy with me.....so i ask...mom why so grumpy...

get this reply...."well you took me out before lunch and i am hungry" off to burger king..where she does not understand why i am not hungry....and i do not say....ahh mom we just ate...is why...she ate all her food...and we went back to the alf....

it was a very good day...i have to admit the people at the alf...know what they are doing...she is settling in nicely....the family has discussed the aid thing.....family being my son and da man...and we kinda laughed...we are paying a small fortune to have mom walked....we are willing to do it but she told us, she wasnt having us not showing or worse whining during the walk....

i will always pay a small fortune if it means mom is some what happy and she is near me...plus its her money....hard not to be generous with it. when my father died....i got zip..nada...not a dime...he told me before hand...i wasnt getting mal...all my friends couldnt figure out what i had done to be "dis inherited" i wasnt...he left it all to my mom...as it should be...

plus he told me....be it 5 dollars or 500,000, it will be gone in a week....dad had a great opinion of me...but i had to agree....so when people tell me i am wasting my inheritance....i tell them to fuck themselves...and make a note ....never to have mal to do with them again...its that easy

 

[saveliberty]

My kids and I discussed this disease a while ago. I said just bring me a pizza and a kitten everyday. I am hoping to rediscover a wonderful food and my favorite animal each day. My guess is, you don't get that lucky.

I see strolling having to deal with a great deal because her mother did not leave specific instructions or have a good talk with her relatives beforehand. Makes me think this is something that I should do, so my family is not burdened with trying to guess what I want.

Oh, and I picked up some inside info on the nursing homes. I suggest your Mom start dating. I hear couples get more dessert.

 

[strollingbones]

you got it save...do a living will...a last will...a durable power of attorny....i have quickly done some things....in nc...the child is consider the person who decides...unless they attempt to go to court and that would be a foolish waste of money they dont have...

she doesnt let that damned purse out of her sight...i am afraid if i take the checks out she will accuse the aids of stealing....i just got to keep her from writing one....minor worry....i never thought i would consider things like that..but you have too....major worries....mom...minor worries ..all that over mal...
and that is how i get thru the day....

today we are adding a nice apt fridge with a true freezer...(she loves dove ice cream bars) and hopefully she will drink more water..with bottled water...in the fridge...she keeps telling me ..she gets all the ice water she wants ...down stairs...

there is no down stairs

 

[strollingbones]

and the worse of any day...when you can see what is coming....she is like a wind up doll...she is good in the early part of the day but as the day progresses she just kinda slumps over...

i couldnt figure out why people where going...dont put the feeding tube in...whatever you do...dont do that...i see now what is gonna happen....they stop swallowing....they just forget how to swallow....they will chew...and chew but dont swallow. most alzheimer's patients die of pnemonia..so i was all about getting her shots etc....no worries then...well not exactly ..they get pnemonia...due to inhaling food and liquids when they try to eat...so you know the minute you decide the feeding tube isnt going in...you are basically gonna let them die.

my friend has made me swear not to do it..well he tryed...i just cried...he put a feeding tube in his father for 3 years...he said in retrospect....watching him starve would have been better....

but you deal with that bridge when you cross it...next week...i call a dentist..and try to figure out why her cap is weird...

its hard to believe how scared i am....i live in this tepid state of fear...what new nightmare will today bring...and right when i think its okay to relax a bit...another bit of mal hits the fan...

then i just say fuck it....i will get it done one way or another...it may not be pretty....it may not be all legal...it may not be all the right choices....but i will deal with it as it happens...sometimes vomiting on the floor....sometimes not...

 

[Baruch Menachem]

You are doing wonders girl. I am so envious of your good sense. When I was in the same boat I blew it big time.

About the TV you got.... See, your mom isn't so sick after all.

What caused my mom agony was she had a stroke and lost the ability to form sentences. All my life she had a tongue that was hinged in the middle and loose on both ends, and then she couldn't say anything at all. She could hear and understand, but she couldn't say anything. It was agony for her.


You are doing good. Especially with the sister.

 

[strollingbones]

well i cursed myself...the afternoon aid has called in 'sick' the am aid has extended till 4...my son is headed in to take her to dinner..thankfully he had planned to do this before now...so now i am headed into town...i dont think the son should be ask to help her dress....but i think she can do this alone or with just a little directing....i will go by and make sure she is okay...stay with her and get her into her jammies....that stuff....

okay gots to go

 

[saveliberty]

We have to keep our strolling healthy too (yes you got adopted, deal with it). Is there something that you can do to keep your tummy quiet? Are you producing too much acid due to stress or what? Sounds like your aim is a bit off too. You can hit your foot and the floor so far. Care to try for the tub or toilet?

Maybe da man would like to see you less stressed out and wants to help. It is okay to have some help you know? Remember us guys like to be helpful with tangible results.

 

[strollingbones]

ahh listen to ya....today sucked..i went early think it would be good...she is sharper in the morning...ahh fuck me...it went this....hey mom (that would be me of course) and i begin to put some goodies in her new fridge w true freezer for the dove ice cream bars...which she says she never eats....mom says "i want out of here" aid tells me mom has a headache and just got pills...i ask why they were goind walking on a sunday...now remember she told me yesterday...they dont walk on sunday...o the lies..the sharp sharp lies lol....so i ask her how she is going...."i have a headace, when are you getting me out of here"? "when the doctors say you can leave" "when am i going to the doctor"?
but you get the idea.....


no kisses no huggies.....just put your heart on the shelf....


she was just mean...so i left...5 minutes of mean was all i was in the mood for...hoping tomorrow goes better...

 

[strollingbones]

oooooo i left this part out...aid says mom needs a belt....i comment that she need to wear something other than the one pair of pants she is wearing...and i have a clean pair identifical to it...she wont change...suddenly she stands up and holds the front part of her pants out..and goes...

"you put me in here and looks what's happened"

now walking 6 miles a day...has nothing to do with it....

and we must all love the irony of ...as i am storing her fridge..she is complaining she is being starved....normally she holds her pants out and goes..."i have lost 20 lbs"...not today...today i am straving her...

 

[saveliberty]

We had my folks over for dinner tonight. My Mom's birthday was three days ago. I suppose your living what I get to do in fifteen years. The brother is three and one half hours away in Dayton. I'm across town in a city of 9,000. Let's see, oh who will they call?

I guess you could leave the Dove Bars at home for two days. Then she'd have to remind you about bringing them. Mom playing head games, pretty damn funny at this point huh?

When my grandma with Dementia died, I was the last person with my Mom that night. It was 1AM and my Mom said go home so I can sleep. She thought she should stay awake while I was still there. Mom looked tired, so I went. Grandma passed an hour later. Your son seems supportive, don't make the same choice please.

Hey, your on my radar. I'll check here a couple times a day.

 

[strollingbones]

everyone gathered for my grandmother to die....she simply slept....the doctors said it would be hours...it wasnt.....we left....she died an hour after i left...i dont feel guilty....i knew when she died...i pulled over and called my cuz...who told me she had just died...

well today is a new adventure!!