my mother has alzheimer's

[geauxtohell]

my mother's doctor called me the other day...seems she lied totally...she cancelled the neuro appt...and HAS NOT been on meds....how she faked being better is beyond me...she did seem so much better...she has alzheimer's. I said it aloud for the first time today..she is on the aricept patch. i call her daily to remind her to put the damn thing on and take the old one off. i am not sure where i am right now...kinda in shock. not sure where to go from here...i am going to go see her and ask her..what do you want me to do...when push comes to shove..right now it sucks being an only child.

so there i have said it....i am trying to make this real..my mother has alzheimer's and suddenly i feel like i have to grow up..i got no clue where i am going or what is gonna happen....all i know is i have to take care of my mother, that is all that really matters at this point...trying to get the meds to work so she can continue to live on her own as long as possible...and i know the meds are just a stop gap thing...that this is a progressive disease... her father had it.

so i welcome any advice or guidance...sure i am terrified...the first day i just shut down...but i got to face this. i cant hide...and i sure the hell want to...i want to crawl inside somewhere safe and pretend this isnt happening...but it is...and i have to deal with it. i feel so inadequate.

I am sorry for your troubles strollingbones. I have absolutely no experience in this matter, but would suggest trying to find a support group for the emotional and logistical matters.

 

[Xenophon]

my mother's doctor called me the other day...seems she lied totally...she cancelled the neuro appt...and HAS NOT been on meds....how she faked being better is beyond me...she did seem so much better...she has alzheimer's. I said it aloud for the first time today..she is on the aricept patch. i call her daily to remind her to put the damn thing on and take the old one off. i am not sure where i am right now...kinda in shock. not sure where to go from here...i am going to go see her and ask her..what do you want me to do...when push comes to shove..right now it sucks being an only child.

so there i have said it....i am trying to make this real..my mother has alzheimer's and suddenly i feel like i have to grow up..i got no clue where i am going or what is gonna happen....all i know is i have to take care of my mother, that is all that really matters at this point...trying to get the meds to work so she can continue to live on her own as long as possible...and i know the meds are just a stop gap thing...that this is a progressive disease... her father had it.

so i welcome any advice or guidance...sure i am terrified...the first day i just shut down...but i got to face this. i cant hide...and i sure the hell want to...i want to crawl inside somewhere safe and pretend this isnt happening...but it is...and i have to deal with it. i feel so inadequate.

Everything is best handled by facing it directly and dealing with it.

Spend time with her, do what you can with her, write things down for her, and ask things you want to know now while you are able.

My favorite aunt had this happen in 2000, she is still alive but now has no memory at all, seize the moment, this time will never come again.

 

[xotoxi]

it would help if the man didnt just look at me...like i was made of glass and will break into a million pieces...i guess the spontaneous crying is spooking him.

It's either that...or he is spooked by the skull that you are carrying around under your arm.

 

[trams]

Im so sorry Bones, This is what took my mom. She had to be put ina home, it was very hard

 

[JW Frogen]

I am still a relative newbie here so do not want to play at being your best friend but I am sorry to hear this. Other than the death of a child what can be more sad, yet inevitable, than the decline of our parents?

My father was the funniest, most curious, wise man I have ever known. He was a force of nature, he really was, he was all life in one life. I have never known a better man, nor am I one.

And then in his late 80s he got dementia.

I wish I could say something other than this, but this is what I must say, you are going to suffer, you are going to watch as your mother fades to black, and it will hurt like fucking hell. It will really fucking suck.

Just remember this, the reason you are suffering so much is because you care, because you love her. Your suffering is her legacy; you suffer because she taught you to love.
She taught you how to love.

Better this than being a loveless zombie just worrying about her will.

Myself, when my brain starts becoming Swiss cheese, well I am going out like Hemmingway. A shot gun blast to the head, the white tunnel and then bring on the Cougars and waterfalls of endless booze!!!!

I am not a Muslim and my paradise is full of women who know what they are doing.

 

[Mr. H.]

Love will find a way.

Your mom is lucky to have someone who cares. All you can do is try, and it's obvious you're trying your best. Good luck to you both.

 

[dilloduck]

I personally have dementia and it's not all that bad from my side. I tell people to just put up with me the best they can and to stop worrying so much.

 

[AllieBaba]

Bones, Alzheimer's is a terrible disease, particularly at the end..but educate yourself. She probably has many years ahead of her, and her personality is going to change and her temper will get worse most likely. Most alzheimer patients eventually become combatant, as well. Which is to be expected, they never know what's going on and people are constantly intervening in their day-to-day life (for their own good) trying to get their meds to them, to make sure they accomplish their adls, stuff like that.

I'm actually more concerned about you..with both parents having alzheimers, chances are you're going down that road eventually, too. Be pro-active. I think they are very, very close to a breakthrough with this devastating disease. It may not help with your mother, but it behooves you to keep your finger on that pulse for yourself.

BTW, I've worked with Alzheimer patients and I'll tell you this much...they were the darlings of the facility. They respond well to lots of very close interaction with people, and if you can approach them in a way that allows them to trust you, they are a joy to be around. I had one wonderful patient who couldn't talk, couldn't remember where the toilet was (she'd go in the wastebasket, bless her heart), was very tall and imposing and very combative. But she had a picture album, and I'd spend time every day sitting with her going over the pictures of her family and her kids in that picture album. Subsequently, I never had any problems with her. I found out who the people in the album were, and we'd go through it every day and point to the pictures and I'd tell her "this is your son, this is your daughter, that's you" and she could remember that, though she couldn't talk.

Another guy was wheelchair bound, had been an avid outdoorsman all his life, and I'd put him in his chair and he'd grab onto my uniform and I'd pull him around the facility as I did my rounds.

I guess what I'm saying is although their personalities change, they still have value and still bring joy. It's heartbreaking for the families and it's heartbreaking for them, particularly in the early stages when they know enough to know they are losing it. Just try to roll with the flow, take care of yourself and brace yourself, it's a rocky road. But not without rewards.

 

[AllieBaba]

If she's not taking her meds, it might be time to look into getting a home health care professional to come in to make sure she's taking them, to make sure she's clean and eating....

 

[Shooterman]

I lost my Mom to Alzheimer's in December of '94. She had displayed symptoms even before my Dad passed away in July of '89. I am astounded at, from what I can gather, the advance in treatments available. The first thing, of course, is to get her close to you, then make sure she takes her meds. Depending on how bad it is, she may be forced to stop driving.

Several I know that have been diagnosed with it since, seem to be doing okay.

God Bless!

 

[noose4]

i am sorry to hear this, i hope things can work out in the best possible ways while you deal with this.

 

[strollingbones]

thank you...i am doing better...one step at a time is all i can do...i have started the phone calls....i know starting anything on friday is well not bright.