My Liberal Neighbor: The Thread

Discussion in 'Humor' started by mudwhistle, Sep 10, 2012.

  1. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    My liberal next door neighbor was cussing in his garage yesterday morning. I asked him what was wrong. He said "Romney broke my GD fan-belt".

    I asked him how he could come to this conclusion and he said "well, the SOB won't release his tax returns and that proves he didn't pay taxes, and because of that Obama hasn't been able to afford to buy me a new car!!!!!"

    I said "How in the hell do you expect Obama to buy you a car?"

    "Because he promised to strengthen the Middle-class, lower taxes, and it's rumored he planned on giving away thousands of Chevy Volts, but because of rich bastards like Mitt Romney not paying their taxes I still have to drive this piece of shit car!!"

    "Thank the Goddess that Romney was stupid enough to pick Paul Fucken Ryan as a running-mate, because it's clear he wants to pull the rug from under Grandma and push senior citizens over a cliff!"

    "Romney and Ryan will try to repeal Obamacare and it will result in the death of millions of Americans and if they get elected I'll still be stuck with this crappy car!"

    I told him good luck with that and walked away.

    "Romney has insulted our best allies the Brits!!!" I heard him scream.

    "God Damned non tax-paying Son of A Bitch!!!"

    "He's putting all of that money in the Cayman Islands.......Swiss Bank accounts!!!"

    I closed the door and went back to watching the Olympics. I guess yard-work is out of the question as long as my crazy neighbor is on a rant.
     
  2. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    I was just finishing up taking my shower and was getting ready to watch a little television and all of the sudden there was a tremendous racket next door.

    I cringed at the thought of what this was all about, so I pulled on my trunks and threw on my flip-flops and walked out the door.

    My Lib neighbor was yelling happily at the top of his lungs.

    I walked over and asked "What are you yelling about?"

    "Romney picked Paul Ryan!!!" he said breathlessly.

    I said "So what!"

    He says "SO WHAT????" "SO WHAAAAAT???"

    "I can't believe he was stupid enough to pick Paul Fucken Ryan!!!

    I said "What was so stupid about it?"

    "Don't you know......he's the guy that came up with that plan to destroy Medicare!!" he said.

    "I know that Paul Ryan tore Obama a new asshole in front of God and everyone on CSPAN last year" I said.

    "NO HE DIDN'T!!!" "OBAMA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON THE PLANET!!!" "NOBODY CAN STAND UP TO HIS INTELLECT!!"

    "Well, he did.....and handed him his lunch in the process." I said.

    He looked like he was gonna have a melt-down right about then.

    For good measure I added "You know.....Ryans mother is on Medicare and living in Florida?"

    "He's probably killed her already......he almost killed mine." he said.

    "Oh.....your exaggerating."

    "No I'm not......he wants to kill senior citizens so they can't vote against him!" he said.

    "Where's your proof?" "Same kind of proof Harry Reid claims proves Romney didn't pay taxes?" I said.

    "HARRY REID WAS RIGHT. IF ROMNEY WON'T RELEASE HIS TAXES THE SON OF A BITCH MOST LIKELY NEVER PAID TAXES!!!!"

    "Well, we don't know do we......maybe he's a witch....but we have no proof of that ether" I said. "Why don't we convene a witch-trial and see if he'll float?"

    "Good idea!!!" he said.

    "Figures" I said.
     
  3. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    I was outside enjoying the cooler weather when I heard my Liberal neighbor yelling again. "GD Bush is back!!!!!"

    I walked over to his driveway and he's sitting on his 21 speed mountain-bike. It was obvious he wasn't going anywhere soon because his derailer was broken completely off. The chain hanging limp and useless.

    "What happened", I asked.

    He looked up and his face red with anger, tears rolling down dripping on his "I heart Obama" T-shirt and he starts yelling "Bush and Romney are the same person!!!"
    ,
    "How did you come to that conclusion" I said.

    "Because ever since Romney won the nomination I've had one thing go wrong after another.....it reminds me when Bush was president. I never had any luck. Now I've backed over my $1200 bike and busted the derailer", he sobbed.

    "I think they're the same person. You never see them together!!!!"

    "Well that's a pretty good disguise" I said trying to humor him.

    "Yup, he's good at fooling people.....now he acts like he never had a drop to drink although everyone knows he's a drunk!!!"

    Right about then I started looking for an exit strategy.

    I said "Wasn't Obama supposed to end all of this turmoil?"

    "He wanted to but those rat-bastard Repugs stopped him before he could finish the job!!!" He yelled.

    I could see this was gonna get ugly so I said "Say high to Karen for me" and did a quick move to leave.

    "I KNOW ROMNEY IS THAT ASSHOLE BUSH IN DISGUISE!!!!!"


    "Must be" I shouted over my shoulder.


    Man, if he's this bad now, imagine what he'll be like if Obama loses.
     
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  4. mudwhistle
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    Pole-Dancing With Liberals

    Last week my neighbor was pretty quiet but I noticed a large "211" sign on his house that didn't stay up for long.....mostly because he discovered he wasn't getting his mail anymore.

    It seemed he was fully engrossed in the Democrat version of the party's national convention. Every once in awhile I heard him shouting, "YEAH......FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES!!!"...or heard him cheering "4 MORE YEARS....4 MORE YEARS!!!"

    This morning he was walking around the neighborhood with an "I just screwed the neighbor's cat" look on his face.

    I asked him; "What's so funny?"

    "Obama is up to 52%......WHAT A BOUNCE!!!" he says.


    I looked at him and said "Well, polls are only as good as the pollster that does them......if the pollster is dishonest or being paid to give a good result you're going to get the result you paid for."

    I looked at him for a second while he started turning various shades of red.

    While he was thinking I added ".....and what's this BS about Obama holding a fundraiser in a grungy Gay Bar in New York??"

    "You would think that a guy that looks like Obama would want to stay away from being identified with the Gay & Lesbian community......but this guy seems to be rushing head first into it with his eyes wide open......I mean....have you looked at his elections secretary? She's got shorter hair than Larry David and she never wears makeup....not that it would make a difference. Why the heck are all of these women Obama has in his administration so mannish?"

    "OBAMA'S NOT GAY!!!" he blurted out.

    "I didn't say he was Gay, just a bit bi..." I said.

    "HE'S NOT BI-SEXUAL ETHER!!!!" he screamed.


    "Well, what the heck do you have against Gays, or bi-sexuals?' I said.

    "NOTHING......HE'S NOT GAY!!!" he says.

    "Well, what if he is......would it matter?" I say.

    "HECK NO.....WHY SHOULD IT???" he says.


    "Well I'm not the one screaming and causing all of the dogs within a mile to start barking." I said.

    "I heard he had a Transsexual nanny, so maybe he pulled a little Michael Jackson action on Barry when he was a kid..." I said.



    "He's got a wife and two kids!!!" he says.


    I said "like that even matters.....I know 3 guys at work that are married and love the pole just as much as any flamer you ever met."

    "WELL HE'S NOT GAY!!!" he says, and turns around stomping off to his house.



    "Al Gore is Gay too!!!!" I said.

    "FUCK YOU!" he says.


    Just couldn't resist.

    Go Inside Racy ‘GoGo for Obama’ Fundraiser in New York City’s East Village | TheBlaze.com
     
  5. jillian
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    jillian Princess Supporting Member

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    :cuckoo:
     
  6. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    :lol: Are you having a sense of Déjà vu too...?
     
  7. AmyNation
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    AmyNation Road Warrior Supporting Member

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    Yeah .... These jokes aren't funny. I'm a bit disappointed, I expected to find some funny liberal neighbor jokes.
     
  8. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    http://www.usmessageboard.com/polit...onsibile-for-broken-fan-belt.html#post5795105




    :eusa_whistle:
     
  9. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    I'll work on it.
     
  10. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    I think my stories are geared for a specific audience.
     
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