My kind of humor

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Merlin1047, Jun 6, 2005.

  1. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
    > >> >> - General MacArthur

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "You, you, and you .. Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
    - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
    >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I
    am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
    > >> >> - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
    > >> - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    > >> >>"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
    > >> >>"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
    > >> >> - From an old carrier sailor

    > > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
    The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
    > >> >> "Why is it doing that?"
    > >> >> "Where are we?"
    > >> >> and "Oh S...!"
    > >>
    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    > >> >>"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
    > >>
    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
    > >> >>---
    "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    > >> >>"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
    "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
    "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
    > >> >> - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."
    > >> >> - Jon McBride, astronaut

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    > >> >>"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
    > >> >> - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    > >> >>"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
    "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
    > >>
    > >>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

    As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!
     
  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Some of my favs:

    There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
    - From an old carrier sailor

    "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

    way off thread, but realistic:

    "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

    except on 9/11....

    Back on topic:

    Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
     
  3. Shattered
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    My favorite. :D :happy2:
     
  4. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    My personal favorite - because it is absolutely true:

    The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
    > >> >> "Why is it doing that?"
    > >> >> "Where are we?"
    > >> >> and "Oh S...!"
     
  5. Mr. P
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    Mr. P Senior Member

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    True ones:

    "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."

    "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
    *the smell of something burning can make ya poop yer pants, then if the engine Fire light comes on,
    WooooHoooooo!*

    "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
    *Most people don't know this...it's true with small airplanes*

    The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
    "Why is it doing that?"
    "Where are we?"
    and "Oh S...!"
    *Been there*

    "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
    *True, but my only lightning strike was in the clear flying around a thunderstorm cell*

    "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
    *We can't talk about that, it'll scare some folks*
     

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