My insane rant against ESPN

Discussion in 'Sports' started by hylandrdet, Jan 19, 2005.

  1. hylandrdet
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    hylandrdet Member

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    The last two weeks were very hard for me.

    ESPN radio has flooded its airwaves, over the past month, with sports-related garbage; over exaggerated steroid use, Randy Moss' celebration, the 49ers Garcia and his girlfriend's spectacular "chick kick". In layman's terms, crap I expect from a soap opera, not a sports network.

    This morning's broadcast set me off; I had to listen to a broadcaster whining about football being played in cold weather and Dan Patrick bitching about Paula Abdul.

    Dear broadcaster,

    You're right. I want to sunbathe in the stands, I want to watch my cuties play a comfortable game of football; while you're at it, I prefer adjustable leather seating, with an interactive entertainment center, so that I can listen to my favorite artist, Yanni; hey, while I'm sipping on my tequila sunrise and eating my sushi , I would also like to...AAAAHHH!!!

    :blowup:

    THIS IS FOOTBALL!!! NOT COMPETITIVE DANCING, PING PONG OR THE MISS USA PAGEANT!!! THE MOST MEMORABLE GAMES IN FOOTBALL HISTORY WERE PLAYED IN ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS!!! WHY?!!! BECAUSE FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE TOUGH!!!

    IT IS THE ADVERSE CONDITIONS, IN WHICH THEY PLAY, THAT SEPARATES FOOTBALL FROM THE OTHER SPORTS!!! DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW YOU'RE WEARING HER PANTIES?!!! OH, BY THE WAY, YOUR GIRLFRIEND PEYTON MANNING AGREES WITH YOU!!!


    To Dan Patrick.

    WE GET IT!!! YOU WANT TO FUCK PAULA ABDUL!!! I DON'T CARE!!! I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!! LAST I'D RECALL, I'M NOT MARRIED TO PAULA ABDUL, SO I DON'T CARE TO HEAR YOUR COMPLAINTS ABOUT HER; WHICH IS PROBABLY AN OBVIOUS WANTING BY YOU TO HAVE HER BEND YOU OVER A CHAIR, WHIP YOU BUTT NAKED, WITH A CAT AND NINE TAILS, WHILE YOU SCREAM, "I'VE BEEN VERY, VEERY NAAAUGHTY", IN THE SAME ACCENT AS THE SUPER NANNY!!!

    But I'm not finished...

    I'M TIRED OF ESPN CALLING THINGS THAT AREN'T SPORTS, SPORTS!!!

    DOGS SHOWS AND HORSERACING AREN'T SPORTS!!! THESE ARE DOGS AND HORSES!!! THEY DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF THE COMPETITION; ALL THEY KNOW IS THAT THEY RUN AROUND FOR A FEW MOMENTS, IN RETURN, THEY'LL HAVE UNLIMITED BITCHES AND PHILLIES TO FUCK!!!

    THE DOGS' ATTITUDE, WHEN THEY WIN, IS ALWAYS THE SAME, THEY BARK, THEN PRECEDE TO LICK THEMSELVES!!!

    AS FOR THE HORSES; THEIR ATTITUDE ISN'T ABOUT WINNING, THEIR ATTITUDE IS, "IF I CAN RUN FAST ENOUGH, MAYBE THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL STOP WHOOPING MY ASS"!!!

    X-GAMES!!! NO ESPN!!! THEY'RE NOT ATHLETES; THEY'RE IDIOTS!!! I WILL NOT CALL PEOPLE WHO SEEKS TO FIND TEN THOUSAND WAYS TO RIDE A MODE OF TRANSPORTATION, IN MANNERS OTHER THAN A SAFE ONE, AN ATHLETE!!!

    THE ONLY THING MY CHILDREN CAN LEARN FROM THIS "SPORT" IS TO HOW TO FUCK THEMSELVES UP AND KEEP ME IN DEBT WITH HOSPITAL BILLS!!!

    ESPN has turned into MTV; another network that has strayed away from its intended purpose, by creating "semi-related" programing in order to seek higher ratings.

    Regain your focus ESPN...

    Wow, I feel better now!
     

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