Discussion in 'Health and Lifestyle' started by AllieBaba, Sep 7, 2010.
That's all. I'd love to go on a rant, but what's the use.
Thank God for small miracles!
If you only knew, you'd be much more thankful, and realize it's a large miracle, not a small one.
Do we get to know what you're talking about?.. I'm interested
Allie, if your brother is not harming anyone else with his witless behavior, just love him. Try to let go of your anger, and treasure the family ties.
I hope this gets better for you.
My brother calls me periodically. He means well, but he always ends up talking about my flipping ex(es). He always wants to talk about their sterling qualities, but doesn't want to hear anything I have to say, lectures me on how "useless" hatred is...
Which is true enough, but I'm sorry, if you talk to me about the good qualities of my fucking piece of shit ex, I'm going to feel compelled to say something. But he always wants to shut me down, while he waxes poetic. At the same time he is being "fair" by saying nice things about my ex, he strews little criticisms of me throughout...."you're not perfect" and "I'm sure you deserved it" ha, ha, funny dat, and "gosh you should have thought about that before you had two kids with him."
And he didn't even KNOW my ex. He met him a couple of times, and he wasn't impressed at the time. He just happened to run into the dickwad in a bar, and felt sorry for him because he was really nice.
Well yeah, he's always nice to men who can kick his ass. See what he's like when he's the toughest thing in the room. He's not nice at all. But of course, bro doesn't want to hear that sort of negativity.
Not that I want to talk about it, either, but I DIDN'T BRING IT UP. Repeatedly. Finally I became slightly irritated and offended my dear brother by saying if he expected me to heap praise upon my poor ex's head while he heaped coals upon mine, he was going to be disappointed.
It's like what the hell? I don't want to hear about what great chums you are with the douche and what a hag I am. Thanks, I left that behind.
Have you thought about family counseling. You know, where you would attend with your brother, and a neutral professional would moderate?
You're not alone. I have been divorced since 1989, and my brother still occassionally says "Too bad things didn't work out with [insert fucktard's name here]." What astounds me is, my brother knows good and well why I left.....is that really how he'd like me to be living?
I have pondered this because like you (and any reasonable woman, I'm sure) I find this incredibly hurtful. What I have decided is, my brother has a peculiar desire to run my life so I am "taken care of", and my ex suits him as a fantasy husband.
It's weird, it's hurtful and likely, it won't stop completely. Talking to him did not help, except for cutting down on the frequency of these "wishing aloud" moments.
Mebbe if you spoke to your brother at another time about his anxieties for you? If he has some way to alleviate them, this might eventually taper off. Meanwhile, I feel sure in my case, it comes (eventually, somewhere deep...weird, but deep) from love. I bet the same is true for you.
Hang in there. Brothers are usually worth it.
Ooooh... Your brother, I was going to ask what was wrong with your brothel...
Where are my glasses...
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