Mueller closes investigation after hearing Putin proclaim his innocence!

DrLove

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Jun 15, 2016
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The special counsel Robert Mueller announced on Saturday that he was closing the Justice Department’s Russia investigation, “effective immediately,” after hearing that President Vladimir Putin, of Russia, said he was innocent of any election meddling.

Moments after learning about Putin’s assertion, Mueller hastily assembled his staff of investigators to inform them that, now that Putin had fully exonerated himself, there was no point in continuing the probe.

“Vladimir Putin says he did nothing,” Mueller told his staff. “That’s good enough for me.”

Speaking later to reporters, Mueller said that, by disbanding his investigation, he was following the time-honored law-enforcement tradition of taking a suspect’s word for it.

“For the past several months, we’ve assembled tax records, cell-phone recordings, bank transfers, and e-mail communications that indicated Russia was involved in the election,” a visibly shaken Mueller said. “Somehow, we got it wrong—very, very wrong.”

As for his future plans, Mueller said that his first order of business was to write a hearfelt letter of apology to Putin.

“I feel terrible knowing that I’ve spent all this time investigating a person who did absolutely nothing wrong,” he said. “Hindsight is 20/20, but I really should have called him first and asked him what really happened.”​

Mueller Immediately Closes Investigation After Hearing Putin Proclaim His Innocence
 
Well it was acceptable to Hillary, wasn't it? "I didn't know it was classified." "I didn't know that a server in my basement was a problem" "I didn't realize the FBI needed all 30,000 emails". "I didn't know that wiping a hard drive meant taking a hammer to it, I thought it just meant cleaning it with a cloth". "I didn't know that my husband would get $500,000 Russian paid appearances after we approved the Uranium One deal".

Is National Security a serious issue anymore, or only selectively serious if you are a Republican?
 
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