As I sit here at home alone, my usual for a Saturday evening, I look off into the sky and wonder how I got to this little spot in the world. I can honestly say that this place doesn't serve up any memories of the aspirations I had growing up. I've lived in 9 different places over the past 12 years so I'm somewhat used to change. I just wonder what happened to that little boy, that I sometimes have trouble remembering, that played sports non-stop and had the biggest of dreams and the energy of a locomotive. I was in movement from the minute I woke until my eyes closed at night. I made vows with my best of friends that we would never lose touch. Wow, we sure had some memorable moments. Like the time we stole my passed out drunk friends car (parents actually) and drove it down the shore. He tossed up on the back floor and it was the nastiest thing I've ever smelled. We were all only 15 or 16 and none of us were legal to drink or drive, let alone doing them together. This same drunk is the guy who crashed next to me while skiing and knocked out his 4 front teeth and had to now put his teeth in a jar at night. At least that was until one weekend fishing at Sandy Hook when he leaned over the boat to look into his crab trap and I hear "bloop" as his teeth hit the water and sunk! I don't hear from him anymore, nor any of those guys present. Haven't seen any of them in about 15 years or so. A couple of teenage friends of mine found me early last year through classmates.com and contacted me. We all chatted on the phone and even got together with a few friends at a birthday party. It was very uncomfortable as it was like hanging out with strangers. Everyone looked and sounded simlar but something was missing. It was nice getting together but I never got that feeling that I wanted to get back together with any of them in the near future. Now let's get back to those mistakes. I've made them and am man enough to live up to the consequences. But how long is it necessary to feel the pain, hear the reminders & pay the price? I can't say I predicted I would get married to whom I did, or that it would be in St. Lucia, or that I would end up living alone in NY 12 years later. I figured I would have at least one child but never once thought about just how much that little guy would make me happy and how much he would change my life. New York City. Any need to say anymore? I had so many adventures there it's not even funny. Of course it all started by buying a Stiletto that turned out to be an almond joy bar. People puking, us partying, tickets galore, outstanding food, more alcohol than any human should consume and other non-mentionables going into our bodies. Losing a car and finding it 3 days later. Jobs and the rat race that has so many hovering over the ledge of a building. Scenes of brutal crimes and some of the kindest acts ever witnessed. Let's not forget the awesome hookers that weren't far from the Lincoln Tunnel that we got to check out just before leaving for the night. Cars getting towed or crashed into. Underground clubs and all night members only clubs, illegal gambling and lap dances. I suppose a few of my mistakes were made in NYC over the years. My friend Zoltan was a good guy but looked the part of all the bad people we hung out with. Big and strong, looking like a skinhead and had quite a few tattoos. His father passed away suddenly and he then started acting recklessly. He crashed his car in a drunken stupor and was dead at 21. Another friend of mine, Robert, was the happy go lucky guy. He's the one who let me sit on his Harley in McDonalds parking lot and start it up. I then proceeded to crash it through the fence in front of me when I popped the clutch. This happy go lucky guy took his own life at the age of 23. Another guy I grew up with was found dead about 2 years ago, slumped over in his vehicle from an apparent drug overdose. Once again, I have an unexplained injury. I reached/stretched to my right last week while sitting and hurt my neck where it reaches my shoulder, more so on the left side. I'm getting numbness in my left arm today so I'm thinking maybe it's a pinched nerve. Oh well, I guess my bi-polar is messing me up as I have no desire to ramble any further!