Men - Women point of view???? mmmm

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Sandy73, Aug 20, 2004.

  1. Sandy73
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    Sandy73 Guest

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    15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.


    1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

    2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

    3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

    4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

    5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

    6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

    7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make
    some woman miserable.

    8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

    9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

    10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

    11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

    12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in
    Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

    13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

    14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
    means that you laugh at his.

    15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
     
  2. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    :-/

    I'm not a bad dude...
     
  3. KLSuddeth
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    KLSuddeth Guest

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    :teeth:
     
  4. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Madam, you realize, of course, this means war.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    15 Easy steps to Shit like a Woman

    1. Under no circumstances use any other toilet than your own,
    regardless of any stomach pain may be caused whilst waiting to get home.

    2. With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the pan by your
    boyfriend/husband. Also wipe his pubes off the seat with some toilet paper.

    3. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands.

    4. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have sat
    on the toilet since it was last bleached).

    5. Stuff toilet paper inside the pan to prevent splash-back.

    6. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer to squat over
    the seat as opposed to taking the risk of touching it with bare flesh.

    7. Release solids, but strain to avoid making any sounds.

    8. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye-contact is made with any
    faeces.

    9. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to
    positively guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin (about five or six
    applications per roll).

    10. Wipe once and throw paper into the pan. Do not look at the paper.

    11. Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least thirty times. It may be necessary to
    yell for your boyfriend/husband to find some more rolls to pass through the
    door while promising not to open his eyes or pass any comments.
    It is traditional to do this while he is trying to watch sport.

    12. Flush the toilet and replace the lid.

    13. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap.

    14. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air
    freshener.

    15. Pick up all reading material left behind by your boyfriend/husband
    and leave bathroom, closing the door firmly behind; you.
     
  5. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Women's English

    LEARN W0MEN'S ENGLISH

    Yes = No

    No = Yes

    Maybe = No

    I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

    We need = I want


    It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

    Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

    We need to talk = I need to complain

    Sure ... go ahead = I don't want you to

    I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

    You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

    You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


    Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

    This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

    I want new curtains = ... and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

    Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

    I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

    Do you love me = I'm going to ask for something expensive

    How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

    I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
    Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

    You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

    I'm not yelling = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
     
  6. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

    A. Put a nipple on it.
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q. Why do men have trouble making eye contact with women?

    A. Breasts don't have eyes.
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q. Why has no female astronaut ever been sent to the moon?

    A. It doesn't need cleaning yet.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q. Why do they call it PMS?

    A. "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

    A. The dog. At least the dog will shut up after you let him in.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?

    A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?

    A: So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
     

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