Men strike back!

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Bootneck, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
    them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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    Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.
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    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
    a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.
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    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
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    Women will never be equal to men until they can
    walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
    gut, and still think they are sexy.
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    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
    Men strike back!
     
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  2. Article 15
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    Article 15 Dr. House slayer

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    I predict many positive reps for Bootneck
     
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  3. Dis
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    LMAO. Did you forget that most of the *active* user base here may well be female? :badgrin:
     
  4. Dis
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    Nevermind.. Not right now, it's not. But maybe later. :tongue: :evil:
     
  5. Article 15
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    Article 15 Dr. House slayer

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    lol ...

    The thought crossed my mind but I suspect he'll get one or two from a giggling female.
     
  6. Dis
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    I. Do. Not. Giggle.

    Indeed.
     
  7. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    OK! OK! To show how fair and even minded I am:

    How to Make a Woman Happy

    It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
    1. a friend
    2. a companion
    3. a lover
    4. a brother
    5. a father
    6. a master
    7. a chef
    8. an electrician
    9. a carpenter
    10. a plumber
    11. a mechanic
    12. a decorator
    13. a stylist
    14. a sexologist
    15. a gynecologist
    16. a psychologist
    17. a pest exterminator
    18. a psychiatrist
    19. a healer
    20. a good listener
    21. an organizer
    22. a good father
    23. very clean
    24. sympathetic
    25. athletic
    26. warm
    27. attentive
    28. gallant
    29. intelligent
    30. funny
    31. creative
    32. tender
    33. strong
    34. understanding
    35. tolerant
    36. prudent
    37. ambitious
    38. capable
    39. courageous
    40. determined
    41. true
    42. dependable
    43. passionate
    44. compassionate

    WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

    45. give her compliments regularly
    46. love shopping
    47. be honest
    48. be very rich
    49. not stress her out
    50. not look at other girls

    AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

    51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
    52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
    53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

    IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

    54. Never to forget:
    * birthdays
    * anniversaries
    * arrangements she makes

    HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

    1. Show up naked
    2. Bring Beer
    3. Bring Food
     
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  8. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Bummer, Dude...

    :popcorn:

    -Joe
     
  9. Dis
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    There.. I got rid of all those pesky extras y'all just invent. :)
     
  10. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    Fair enough. But here's some good advice for the guys out there:

    5 secrets to a perfect relationship,

    1.It is important to have a woman who helps at home,cooks,cleans and has a job.
    2.It is important to have a woman who makes you laugh.
    3.It is important to have woman who you can trust and doesn't lie .
    4.It is important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with you.


    5.It is very,very important that these 4 women don't know each other.

    :eusa_whistle:
     
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