Mary Legal and Mary Illegal

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Big Black Dog, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. Big Black Dog
    Offline

    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2009
    Messages:
    22,906
    Thanks Received:
    5,107
    Trophy Points:
    260
    Ratings:
    +5,702
    Mary Legal and Mary Illegal

    There are two ladies: "Mary Legal" and "Mary Illegal".
    One Mary is married, has two kids, and lives in Boston.
    The other Mary is not married, is a crack whore, and lives in Chicago.

    Mary Legal bakes cookies for the church social, bowls on Tuesday nights with the mixed league, and collects salt and pepper shakers. She has no income because she is a stay at home Mom.

    Mary Illegal has never held an honest job in her life, takes in over $2,000.00 a week selling her body, and collects STDs.

    Ready? Now pay attention…

    Mary Legal: Sells the cookies she bakes for 50 cents each although they cost 70 cents each to make. She personally looses $2.40 per dozen of cookies she sells but makes $6.00 per dozen that she sells for the church building fund. To her it’s a good deal.

    Mary Illegal: Sells her “favors” for $100.00 an hour. She gives her pimp $60.00 and gives Joe, the policeman, $20.00 for “protection”. She makes $20.00 for an hours work. To her it’s a good deal.

    Mary Legal: Has a yard sale and makes $312.59. It’s her shopping fund. With it she will buy groceries, shoes for the baby, and some pizza for supper so she doesn’t have to cook.

    Mary Illegal: Has cleared $60.00 for her night of work. With it she will buy some crack for $30.00, a Pepsi and two tacos for $4.90, and lottery tickets with the rest.

    Mary Legal: Has $37.45 cents left over from the yard sale. She gives it to her hard working husband and suggest he stop off for some beer with the boys after work on Thursday. She is very pleased with herself.

    Mary Illegal: Wins $3.00 from her lottery ticket purchase. She is pissed.

    Mary Legal: Goes to Florida on a vacation with her family in June.

    Mary Illegal: Gets busted by undercover vice cops and goes to court next Monday.

    Mary Legal: Is happy as a clam with her life. Lives to be 79 years old.

    Mary Illegal: Not so lucky. She gets hit by a city bus and dies at the age of 27.

    Mary Legal lives 52 years longer than Mary Illegal. It really sucks to be Mary Illegal, huh?
     
  2. Modbert
    Offline

    Modbert Daydream Believer Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    33,178
    Thanks Received:
    2,957
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +2,962
    Hit by a city bus? Did not see that one coming.
     
  3. geauxtohell
    Offline

    geauxtohell Choose your weapon.

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2009
    Messages:
    15,125
    Thanks Received:
    2,153
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Out here in the middle.
    Ratings:
    +2,155
    What about Martin the accountant, who pays his taxes, obeys the law, slaves away and dreams of retirement at 60 but dies of a heart attack at 45?

    "Ask not for whom the bell tolls......."
     
  4. Luissa
    Offline

    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2008
    Messages:
    43,190
    Thanks Received:
    5,593
    Trophy Points:
    1,785
    Location:
    TARDIS
    Ratings:
    +5,664
    Mary Legal is probably also a prescription drug addict and sneaks vodka while her fat lazy husband is at work. :D
     
  5. Modbert
    Offline

    Modbert Daydream Believer Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    33,178
    Thanks Received:
    2,957
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +2,962
    Or is a "cougar" and cheats on Joe Legal with Jose Jr. Illegal who happens to be the poolboy. :lol:
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  6. Big Black Dog
    Offline

    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2009
    Messages:
    22,906
    Thanks Received:
    5,107
    Trophy Points:
    260
    Ratings:
    +5,702
    That is all just neighborhood gossip and rumors.:lol:
     
  7. Luissa
    Offline

    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2008
    Messages:
    43,190
    Thanks Received:
    5,593
    Trophy Points:
    1,785
    Location:
    TARDIS
    Ratings:
    +5,664
    Jose makes her feel like a real women!:razz:
    If I ever become a rich man's wife I plan on having a "pool boy". :lol:
     
  8. Luissa
    Offline

    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2008
    Messages:
    43,190
    Thanks Received:
    5,593
    Trophy Points:
    1,785
    Location:
    TARDIS
    Ratings:
    +5,664
    Well Susie from next door told Margie that she saw her...... well you know!:razz:


    That is the bullshit part about the war on drugs, they go after the crack heads all the while Susie homemaker is snorting OXycotin lines after she drops the kids off at school. All these actors and socialites that have been dying lately, have all had prescription drug problems. ( sorry I had to add my two cents:D)
     
  9. José
    Offline

    José Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,243
    Thanks Received:
    314
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Ratings:
    +360
    Who the hell is Mary Illegal, Black Dog?

    Isn't Mary Illegal supposed to be Maria Illegal, my wife? :D
     
  10. rightwinger
    Online

    rightwinger Paid Messageboard Poster Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2009
    Messages:
    120,200
    Thanks Received:
    19,809
    Trophy Points:
    2,190
    Location:
    NJ & MD
    Ratings:
    +45,281
    Only the good die young
     

Share This Page