The Top 14 Signs You're Married to a Liberal (slightly updated by me) 14> In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom." 13> Pile of burned George W. Bush effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun. 12> Supports John Kerry for President in 2004, but has no idea why. 11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings. 10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass. 9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer. 8> You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month. 7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get to the mall and buy something! 6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse." 5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher. 4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!" 3> It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance" -- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows. 2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!" and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal... 1> She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again.