Mandrake's Pizza Hut Gimmick: Christian Consumerism [DHL]

Abishai100

VIP Member
Sep 22, 2013
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This is a consumerism-elegy dedicated to U.S. President Donald Trump, and I wrote it since I've been feeling more 'optimistic' about TrumpUSA, and I wanted a patriotic 'advertisement' dedicated to consumerism-consciousness and capitalism-culture.

Besides, what's wrong with a little 'biased patriotism'?

This is a 'jingle' (not a creative-story).

Cheers (signing off),




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"Do you love going to Pizza Hut? Many do. So does Mandrake, an airline pilot who came up with a nifty little comic book magic-act that might redeem some needed optimism towards consumerism in TrumpUSA."

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"In fact, Mandrake the pilot loves personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut so much that he worries that a terrible villainess such as Vertigo (a psychic woman who can hypnotize anyone) will distract customers/patrons from enjoying and celebrating this delightful Italian single-serving dish. That's why Mandrake came up with a trick."

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"So what's Mandrake's trick? It goes something like this --- since Vertigo (the psychic villainess) hypnotizes men, if one were to take a Polaroid instant-photo of her while she was trying to hypnotize someone, he/she could challenge the villainess by revealing how the instant-photo has captured a 'freeze-frame' of mental energy, thereby compelling the villainess to focus on something else besides hypnosis! Mandrake might take the instant-photo himself and tell Vertigo that he has a 'record' of her trying to 'alter' the timeline of normal human concentration. She should rather direct her time/energy towards enjoying a Pizza Hut pizza, man!"

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"Mandrake the pilot decides to post this trick on USMB, suggesting that the miraculous Polaroid has reminded people of the instant magic of eating pizza and why that's preferable to wasting time trying to suspend/reorient someone's concentration with hypnosis. Mandrake has proven that a Polaroid can cure hypnosis...and perhaps redirect our imagination towards Pizza Hut."

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"Mandrake then goes out and buys a handful of colorful toy water-guns and distributes them to kids on Halloween Eve, reminding them that water-pollution concerns are as important as the nutrition-value of candy. Mandrake has become a 'consumerism guerrilla --- this is at least better than anti-capitalism terrorism (e.g., 9/11)!"

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"Of course, if Vertigo turns out to be a real 'super-woman' and has extraordinary powers that devastate real energy-waves and hence consciousness itself, a Polaroid is not going to 'do the trick' in convincing her that pizza is preferable to hypnosis. Nevertheless, Mandrake the consumerism-idealistic pilot remains confident that his Polaroid has prevented Vertigo from disrupting people from enjoying a delicious personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. Vertigo is eerie, man!"

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"Mandrake then goes home and decides to read passages in the Bible to make sure that Vertigo is not the dreaded Harlot of Babylon who appears at the proverbial End of Days to seduce humanity away from civil affairs. Mandrake then plays some harmless anti-urban rage-themed Rampage video-games featuring a Wolfman, Godzilla, and King Kong destroying city buildings. Finally, Mandrake decides to curl up to a viewing of David Fincher's anti-capitalism meditative (and shocking) film Fight Club (starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton)."

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MANDRAKE: Thanks for this consumerism interview!
CNN: What's the deal, Mandrake? What's so special about pizza?
MANDRAKE: Hey, my Polaroid stopped Vertigo from disrupting Pizza Hut patronage.
CNN: Why're you so adamant about consumerism traffic?
MANDRAKE: I appreciate venting frustrations about consumerism, as long as money is safe.
CNN: What do you think about 9/11?
MANDRAKE: The destruction of the WTC awoke people to the reality that commerce is unsafe.
CNN: Your Polaroid challenge to the psychic Vertigo is a patriot's whistle, no?
MANDRAKE: Indeed, it is! That's why I think consumerism can be...very Christian.
CNN: What would Jesus say about Pizza Hut?
MANDRAKE: I think Jesus'd say, "Enjoy hospitality customs and avoid junk-food."
CNN: Is terrorism 'junk-food,' Mandrake?
MANDRAKE: I'm just a Christian airline pilot working for United; I'm a 'pedestrian patriot.'
CNN: However, you can't deny that your Polaroid has brought you 'minor fame.'
MANDRAKE: Hopefully, it's brought me the prestige necessary to rent movies on Netflix!
CNN: Go home and enjoy a movie on Netflix...perhaps Fight Club or Leap of Faith.
MANDRAKE: Thanks so much. By the way, I also love DHL and UPS.
CNN: Thanks.


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:5_1_12024:

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