Man Identifying As 6-Year-Old Crushes Game-Winning Homer In Tee-Ball Championship

Discussion in 'Political Satire' started by Zander, Jun 7, 2017.

  1. Zander
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    Zander Platinum Member

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    AUBURN, CA—Local 36-year-old man Nate Ripley, who identifies as a six-year-old, “absolutely crushed” a game-winning homer at a local tee-ball game and won the championship for his team Monday evening, reports confirmed.


    Ripley reportedly walked up to the plate in the bottom of the 6th, pointed his bat toward the left-field wall looming 130 feet in the distance, and let her rip, sending the ball rocketing over the fence and into a parking lot as the fans cheered and his coach yelled out, “Attaboy, Nate! Good job, bud!”

    His team, the Lil’ Padres, attempted to hoist him up on their shoulders in celebration of their great victory over the favored Tiny Tigers, but were unable to pick up the large 230-pound man.

    Ripley’s feat comes at the end of a momentous tee-ball season, in which the self-identified six-year-old absolutely shattered every record set prior to that point. With a 1.000 batting average, 52 home runs, and an incredible showing at first base, second base, shortstop, third base, and pitcher, the man is being called an inspiration to other six-year-olds everywhere.

    “I’m just proud to be here with my team. It’s all for the love of the game,” an emotional Ripley told reporters while enjoying an orange slice and juice box after the championship. “I couldn’t have done it without my team.”
    Man Identifying As 6-Year-Old Crushes Game-Winning Homer In Tee-Ball Championship

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  2. TNHarley
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    TNHarley Diamond Member

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  3. Zander
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    Zander Platinum Member

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    Later that day, Nate Ripley self identified as a pre-teen girl and walked into the girls locker room at the local Junior High wearing high heels, a training bra and panties while the girls were undressing.

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    He stated, "it's just so great to be able to self identify as whatever I am feeling and not be ridiculed". Ripley continued, "For the first time in my life, I am proud of my country. I mean, look at me! I am a beautiful pre-teen girl, in the flower of youth!! Nothing is going to stop me now!!" Ripley denies he has a mental disorder and insists that he is totally normal. "I am just living out my dreams like millions of middle aged men would if the stigma of shifting self identification didn't exist. So what if I am biologically a 36 year old man? I feel like a little boy! And sometimes like a little girl!! Why should I be discriminated against for just being myself?
     
  4. norwegen
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    norwegen Gold Member

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    As one who identifies as king of the world, I demand that these snowflakes-in-training share their trophies and training bras with the rest of us.
     
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