Man-English versus Woman-English

[Cecilie1200]

I just got a lesson over the weekend in just how differently men think and communicate from women. (Not that I wasn't already aware of it, but sometimes it just smacks you in the face.)

My husband wanted to make some extra money, so I got him signed up as a transcription contractor with the company I work for. As part of his training process, he was assigned a proofreader/mentor for a month who is his primary liaison regarding his jobs.

I noticed last week that he was getting more and more frustrated and irritated with her, but I wasn't sure why until he finally burst out over the weekend, "Why does she keep talking to me like I'm STUPID?!" Of course, I wanted to know what he meant, since I am acquainted with the lady in question (in passing) and she always seemed nice enough to me. So Joe showed me her emails to him. They seemed a little perky for my tastes, but otherwise no big deal. He, on the other hand, kept insisting that she was talking to him like an idiot child.

Fortunately, most of my friends throughout my life have been men, so I'm actually pretty familiar with how men think and talk. When I flipped the "Manspeak translator" in my head and reread the emails, I realized that his proofer - who is used to working almost exclusively with women, since legal transcription is a female-dominated field - was trying to be encouraging and non-judgemental, but if a man had written the same email to another man, it WOULD have been condescending and insulting . . . because men don't talk to each other the way women talk to each other.

So I explained to Joe that he was reading the emails in Man-English, but his proofer was writing them in Woman-English, which is a totally different dialect, and he should think of it as the difference between American and Australian: sounds the same, but the words don't always mean what you think they mean.

 

[TemplarKormac]

I think you handled that pretty well. Good on you.

 

[JoeMoma]

Examples?

 

[Cecilie1200]

I think you handled that pretty well. Good on you.

Why, thank you. I pointed out to my husband just how lucky he is to have a bilingual wife, as well.

It really was surprising to see, so graphically, just how differently men and women communicate in the exact same language. I mean, Joe gets so impatient with her attempts to be friendly and encouraging, because he just wants her to cut to the chase, tell him what needs changing, and let him get on with it. But if she emailed a female trainee the way Joe would prefer, she'd quit in a week and complain to human resources, because the proofer was rude and harsh. And she'd be right, but in his own way, so is Joe.

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

The wives in my social circle (we've all known each other for years), including my own, are always going on about the way the guys essentially communicate in short bursts of clicks and grunts, like the Great Apes.

We men on the other hand wonder at the women sitting nicely and carrying on long-winded, verbose conversations about nothing of importance while all speaking at once.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Thank you, Billy.

Men do not need a paragraph in reply when they are asking a question that can be answered "no" or "yes." We are literal and have no desire to "guess" at what a long winded-reply "really" means.

It is frustrating. We are product oriented, and will work the process out as we need it. Process in conversation never needs to be expressed to a man unless he asks for it.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Examples?

Mmm, let me see.

Okay, so there's a checklist of everything he needs to include, and every place that he needs to doublecheck information to make sure it's correct. When she proofs his work, she goes through that same checklist, marks what he did and what he forgot, and then includes it in the email so that he can see what he's missing. Instead of just putting "Yes" or "No" to indicate, she'll put "Yay!" or a "breaking it to you gently" note, such as "You did really good on XYZ, and be sure ABC", which tends to leave him confused. And then the body of the email has a lot of "I know this can be tough, just stick with it, you're doing so good for a newbie!" stuff which would be encouraging to a female, but is kinda condescending and insulting in Man-English.

I'd have to look at the emails again to give specific examples.

 

[Cecilie1200]

The wives in my social circle (we've all known each other for years), including my own, are always going on about the way the guys essentially communicate in short bursts of clicks and grunts, like the Great Apes.

We men on the other hand wonder at the women sitting nicely and carrying on long-winded, verbose conversations about nothing of importance while all speaking at once.

I don't think it's "short bursts of clicks and grunts" - although I guess sometimes it is - so much as men just tend to cut to the basic info, BOOM, done. If a woman does the same thing with another woman, though, that would be considered rude and hostile. It would actually BE rude and hostile, because that's actually what we MEAN when we communicate that way.

Meanwhile, the only time men ever communicate in the manner that women consider positive, encouraging, and supportive is when they're talking to children, the elderly, and the mentally slow. Which makes it an insult for them to talk to each other that way.

Usually, in my experience, men and women tend to modify their own dialects to something in the middle when communicating with each other . . . so long as it's in an environment that's divided fairly equally between both sexes. The profession of legal transcription doesn't happen to be one of those environments.