Losing a Friend....

[Anachronism]

This coming Saturday I am going to have to do one of the toughest things in the world.... Help load a great friend of mine, probably my best friend in the world, onto a trailer and watch as he moves on with a new owner.

For personal, not financial reasons, I've had to sell my 17 year old Fjord Horse gelding. I'm looking at making some major changes in my life this year and I was not confident that I could continue to do right by him if I kept him. So I put him up for sale in late November. He's being bought by a wonderful lady who will have him boarded with a quartet of Icelandic horses. The two of them get on wonderfully, and I think it's going to be a great match for both of them. That really isn't making it that much easier for me to say "goodbye" to him. His new owner has told me that I'm welcome to visit him anytime, and that she's going to try and keep me updated on how and what they're doing together as well. She seems like a marvelous lady.

Which brings me to my dillema..... I have the opportunity to drive the two hours between the farm where I currently board the horse and where he's going on Saturday and see that he gets settled into the new place. My roommate (who is much more horse-savy than I am) has suggested that I not do that due to the emotions. Part of me really wants to, though. I've seen the new place. The horse is gonna love it there. It's a great place.

Any suggestions, thoughts, or input on whether it's a good idea to just let him get on the trailer and "ride off into the sunset", or to go and see him get settled in at his new home?

 

[boedicca]

I'd follow your roommate's advice.

It's important for your horse to let go and bond with his new family. Your showing up the first day will just confuse him. Wait until after he is settled in, and then visit.

 

[Barb]

This coming Saturday I am going to have to do one of the toughest things in the world.... Help load a great friend of mine, probably my best friend in the world, onto a trailer and watch as he moves on with a new owner.

For personal, not financial reasons, I've had to sell my 17 year old Fjord Horse gelding. I'm looking at making some major changes in my life this year and I was not confident that I could continue to do right by him if I kept him. So I put him up for sale in late November. He's being bought by a wonderful lady who will have him boarded with a quartet of Icelandic horses. The two of them get on wonderfully, and I think it's going to be a great match for both of them. That really isn't making it that much easier for me to say "goodbye" to him. His new owner has told me that I'm welcome to visit him anytime, and that she's going to try and keep me updated on how and what they're doing together as well. She seems like a marvelous lady.

Which brings me to my dillema..... I have the opportunity to drive the two hours between the farm where I currently board the horse and where he's going on Saturday and see that he gets settled into the new place. My roommate (who is much more horse-savy than I am) has suggested that I not do that due to the emotions. Part of me really wants to, though. I've seen the new place. The horse is gonna love it there. It's a great place.

Any suggestions, thoughts, or input on whether it's a good idea to just let him get on the trailer and "ride off into the sunset", or to go and see him get settled in at his new home?

I'm so sorry. Its hard to say goodbye. I disagree with your friend. I think if your horse sees you settle him in, and you stop back to see him, he'll feel much better about his new home, and you'll feel much better too, no matter how emotional the parting is.
{{{{Anachronism}}}}

 

[AquaAthena]

I'd follow your roommates advice.

It's important for your horse to let go and bond with his new family. Your showing up the first day will just confuse him. Wait until after he is settled in, and then visit.

Yes, that is the best advice, to save confusion for the horse, and to help yourself with your own grieving process.

*Been there.*

 

[Madeline]

I have no opinion, as I have never had the privilege of owning a horse. But I am so moved by your post, Anachronism.

There's obviously a good heart in there, somewhere.

 

[Anachronism]

I'm really torn about what to do. He's been part of my life for almost 7 years now. A big part of my life. We've been through a lot together.

Both of you ladies make great points, on opposite sides of the equation. I want Dyre's move to be as painless as possible. It's not going to be totally painless, since he doesn't like getting on the trailer, but part of me wants to be there with him when he gets off to let him know that it's okay and to be a stabilizing presence during the move. My roommate is going either way (since her dad is driving the trailer for us), so he'll have some stability at both ends, but he's not her horse, he's mine. His new owner will be there at both ends as well. Am I just being selfish to want to go? I don't know. I really, really hate having to do this to begin with and know I'm going to be an emotional wreck all day Saturday, either way.

Thanks for the advice ladies, and for the hug, Barb. It's appreciated.

 

[Anachronism]

Yes, that is the best advice, to save confusion for the horse, and to help yourself with your own grieving process.

*Been there.*

We had to do this with another horse about 10 years ago, but I really didn't have anywhere near the bond with him that I do with Dyre. Once Davie got on the trailer, most of my serious emotional issues passed. I KNOW that's not going to happen with Dyre. I'm gonna be a wreck all day, no matter what.

Thanks for the advice, one horseperson to another.

I have no opinion, as I have never had the privilege of owning a horse. But I am so moved by your post, Anachronism.

There's obviously a good heart in there, somewhere.

Owning a horse is like having a spouse and a child all rolled into one, Madeline. It's a partnership where each side has something totally different to give, but which only works if both partners are willing to make it work. When it works it's the greatest feeling I've ever found in the world (noting that I am not married and have no children) and when it goes wrong its among the worst things I've ever encountered in life. It's like selling a member of your family. The only way I'm being able to do this is because I know he's going to a great loving woman who he likes too, and a barn where he will be spectacularly cared for an be able to do many things that he wasn't able to do with me. It's still tearing me up inside like a chainsaw through a wedding cake.

 

[syrenn]

Hugs I am sorry for your pain.

As said above, i too feel that the best thing for both of you is to let her go. Alone. Both of you need to make this adjustment and a clean departure will be best. You already know she is going to a good home. Your following them to the new farm is not for the horse, but for you.

Hugs

 

[boedicca]

I agree with Syrenn.

How would your horse feel by seeing you leave while he remains in a strange place? Let him go, visit him after he's adjusted to his new home.

 

[Anachronism]

Hugs I am sorry for your pain.

As said above, i too feel that the best thing for both of you is to let her go. Alone. Both of you need to make this adjustment and a clean departure will be best. You already know she is going to a good home. Your following them to the new farm is not for the horse, but for you.

Hugs

Thanks. Yes, I know going along would be for ME. I won't deny that one bit. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the entire rest of the day. HOPEFULLY he'll be on the trailer and off to his new home about 9am on Saturday. That means it'll be at least mid-afternoon if not early evening before my roommate and her father are back. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself for the day if I don't go. I will have already missed my Saturday morning class at the gym by then. Sitting around the apartment moping won't do me any good either, I'm sure.

Thanks for the kind words, though.

 

[Anachronism]

How would your horse feel by seeing you leave while he remains in a strange place? Let him go, visit him after he's adjusted to his new home.

I know. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the day if I don't go with them.

 

[Madeline]

How would your horse feel by seeing you leave while he remains in a strange place? Let him go, visit him after he's adjusted to his new home.

I know. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the day if I don't go with them.

If possible, go help someone who needs it...someone you admire. If that's not possible, curl up and be kind to yourself.

I must say -- I envy you, having had this bond, Anachronism.

 

[Zoom-boing]

Oh, this thread is making me cry. It's such a hard, hard thing letting them go.

I'm torn between the advice already given. On the one hand, it will likely be confusing for your horse to see you leave when he stays at the new place. On the other hand . . . won't he be confused anyway and if you go you'll be able to say a nice long goodbye.

Ok, I have to stop posting now. My eyes are all leaky. Srsly.

 

[Zoom-boing]

How would your horse feel by seeing you leave while he remains in a strange place? Let him go, visit him after he's adjusted to his new home.

I know. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the day if I don't go with them.

If possible, go help someone who needs it...someone you admire. If that's not possible, curl up and be kind to yourself.

I must say -- I envy you, having had this bond, Anachronism.

Maddie, get a dog or a cat. Animal bonding is great (ok, except for when the cat wakes you up at 3am gacking up a hair ball on your bed.) Other than that . . . .

 

[Anachronism]

If possible, go help someone who needs it...someone you admire. If that's not possible, curl up and be kind to yourself.

I must say -- I envy you, having had this bond, Anachronism.

It's both a great and terrible thing, Madeline. It truly is like a marriage. You go from the total heights of joy, pleasure, and happiness to the pit of despair. From the memory of our one "jump" and the great times we've had to immediately imagining him getting hit by a truck on the nearby busy street the day he bolted away from me while I was walking him in the state park next to the barn (the little snot got home just fine).

The last time I was truly this emotional was when I lost my dad to Cancer in 2001.

 

[Anachronism]

Maddie, get a dog or a cat. Animal bonding is great (ok, except for when the cat wakes you up at 3am gacking up a hair ball on your bed.) Other than that . . . .

While I agree in theory, horses are a totally different thing. Dyre is a 950 lb creature that doesn't HAVE TO do a darn thing I ask of him. Whenever he truly feels like it he could knock me down and do a Mexican Hat Dance on me that I might not ever get up from. That's why it has to be a partnership with a horse. Yes, you have to be the "In Charge" partner, but there's no way he's doing anything I ask unless he agrees to it. That's what makes it so very special in my mind.

 

[Marie888]

This coming Saturday I am going to have to do one of the toughest things in the world.... Help load a great friend of mine, probably my best friend in the world, onto a trailer and watch as he moves on with a new owner.

For personal, not financial reasons, I've had to sell my 17 year old Fjord Horse gelding. I'm looking at making some major changes in my life this year and I was not confident that I could continue to do right by him if I kept him. So I put him up for sale in late November. He's being bought by a wonderful lady who will have him boarded with a quartet of Icelandic horses. The two of them get on wonderfully, and I think it's going to be a great match for both of them. That really isn't making it that much easier for me to say "goodbye" to him. His new owner has told me that I'm welcome to visit him anytime, and that she's going to try and keep me updated on how and what they're doing together as well. She seems like a marvelous lady.

Which brings me to my dillema..... I have the opportunity to drive the two hours between the farm where I currently board the horse and where he's going on Saturday and see that he gets settled into the new place. My roommate (who is much more horse-savy than I am) has suggested that I not do that due to the emotions. Part of me really wants to, though. I've seen the new place. The horse is gonna love it there. It's a great place.

Any suggestions, thoughts, or input on whether it's a good idea to just let him get on the trailer and "ride off into the sunset", or to go and see him get settled in at his new home?

Some great suggestions, but overall I think you really need to sit down and do what is best for "you" in this. There is no wrong answer.

What is so wonderful is that you found him a wonderful home and such a lovely lady who said you can visit anytime. That means alot. She indeed seems like a marvelous lady. I hope you are comforted in that you have gave him a wonderful home for the time you were togther, and had all the time you shared.

I'm not a horse owner, but I love animals. It's hard to tell you what to do, especially if your horse friend is telling you not to, but for me, I'd go. I see it as when the horse sees you there, it may help him settle in more? And then perhaps you can spend a moment or two alone with him, talking to him - saying your goodbye. Saying you will still come to see him. He will see you off, and it will be very hard for you when you leave, but the comfort you have is that you can visit anytime, you'll have seen him settle into his new place, and you won't have regretting "not going". However, yes, the pain will be there regardless.

But you've got to do what you've got to do. If you don't go, you can always see him veru soon or anytime Not all new owners would do the same, that is great of this lady.


Hang in there.
.

 

[Barb]

I'm really torn about what to do. He's been part of my life for almost 7 years now. A big part of my life. We've been through a lot together.

Both of you ladies make great points, on opposite sides of the equation. I want Dyre's move to be as painless as possible. It's not going to be totally painless, since he doesn't like getting on the trailer, but part of me wants to be there with him when he gets off to let him know that it's okay and to be a stabilizing presence during the move. My roommate is going either way (since her dad is driving the trailer for us), so he'll have some stability at both ends, but he's not her horse, he's mine. His new owner will be there at both ends as well. Am I just being selfish to want to go? I don't know. I really, really hate having to do this to begin with and know I'm going to be an emotional wreck all day Saturday, either way.

Thanks for the advice ladies, and for the hug, Barb. It's appreciated.

I don't think you're being selfish at all. You're trying to figure out the best thing to do for your friend. Its a wrenching thing, what your going through, and you're trying to put your own feelings aside for what is best for someone (a horse is a someone, he's family, no less) else. I might be wrong, attributing human feelings to a horse, and I must admit I have no experience with horses. I just think, if he loves you as much as you love him, he'd appreciate being settled into his new home by his "dad."

 

[syrenn]

Hugs I am sorry for your pain.

As said above, i too feel that the best thing for both of you is to let her go. Alone. Both of you need to make this adjustment and a clean departure will be best. You already know she is going to a good home. Your following them to the new farm is not for the horse, but for you.

Hugs

Thanks. Yes, I know going along would be for ME. I won't deny that one bit. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the entire rest of the day. HOPEFULLY he'll be on the trailer and off to his new home about 9am on Saturday. That means it'll be at least mid-afternoon if not early evening before my roommate and her father are back. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself for the day if I don't go. I will have already missed my Saturday morning class at the gym by then. Sitting around the apartment moping won't do me any good either, I'm sure.

Thanks for the kind words, though.

Hugs

Well for one thing you can come here and yammer all day long.

Do you have to attend a class at the gym to go to the gym? How about taking a drive in the other direction? Go and see a movie? Rent some movies?

Truthfully what may be the best thing is to stay home and just have a good cry and come to terms with it all. Hugs.

 

[Anachronism]

Some great suggestions, but overall I think you really need to sit down and do what is best for "you" in this. There is no wrong answer.

What is so wonderful is that you found him a wonderful home and such a lovely lady who said you can visit anytime. That means alot. She indeed seems like a marvelous lady. I hope you are comforted in that you have gave him a wonderful home for the time you were togther, and had all the time you shared.

I'm not a horse owner, but I love animals. It's hard to tell you what to do, especially if your horse friend is telling you not to, but for me, I'd go. I see it as when the horse sees you there, it may help him settle in more? And then perhaps you can spend a moment or two alone with him, talking to him - saying your goodbye. Saying you will still come to see him. He will see you off, and it will be very hard for you when you leave, but the comfort you have is that you can visit anytime, you'll have seen him settle into his new place, and you won't have regretting "not going". However, yes, the pain will be there regardless.

But you've got to do what you've got to do. If you don't go, you can always see him veru soon or anytime Not all new owners would do the same, that is great of this lady.

Marie,

I love the avatar and thanks for the kind words, but what I really need to do is what's best for DYRE, not for me. What's going to make this transition easiest and least stressful for HIM. He's not getting a choice or any input into this situation; so it's up to me to look out for HIS best interests before my own.

I will have my chance to say goodbye to him before he gets loaded. I'm considering taking half a day of vacation on Friday to just go out and spend some time hanging out with him at the farm in the afternoon.

Finding him a WONDERFUL home was always part of the deal. We reserved the right to decline any sale based on what the living conditions he would be moving to were. We saw the farm two weeks ago and he's going to absolutely LOVE the place. I get the feeling he's going to fit right in with the horses who are already there. He's going to be in his glory once he gets acclimated to the new surroundings.

Not all buyers would do something like that, nor would all sellers be interested. We tried to keep in touch with Dyre's former owner but she didn't want anything to do with us.

It's going to hurt, and hurt badly; but the more I really think about it maybe letting him go on his own IS the best thing.... No matter how much it's going to rip me apart inside.