Losing a Friend....

Discussion in 'Pets' started by Anachronism, Feb 7, 2011.

  1. Anachronism
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    Anachronism BANNED

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    This coming Saturday I am going to have to do one of the toughest things in the world.... Help load a great friend of mine, probably my best friend in the world, onto a trailer and watch as he moves on with a new owner.

    For personal, not financial reasons, I've had to sell my 17 year old Fjord Horse gelding. I'm looking at making some major changes in my life this year and I was not confident that I could continue to do right by him if I kept him. So I put him up for sale in late November. He's being bought by a wonderful lady who will have him boarded with a quartet of Icelandic horses. The two of them get on wonderfully, and I think it's going to be a great match for both of them. That really isn't making it that much easier for me to say "goodbye" to him. His new owner has told me that I'm welcome to visit him anytime, and that she's going to try and keep me updated on how and what they're doing together as well. She seems like a marvelous lady.

    Which brings me to my dillema..... I have the opportunity to drive the two hours between the farm where I currently board the horse and where he's going on Saturday and see that he gets settled into the new place. My roommate (who is much more horse-savy than I am) has suggested that I not do that due to the emotions. Part of me really wants to, though. I've seen the new place. The horse is gonna love it there. It's a great place.

    Any suggestions, thoughts, or input on whether it's a good idea to just let him get on the trailer and "ride off into the sunset", or to go and see him get settled in at his new home?
     
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  2. boedicca
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    boedicca Uppity Water Nymph Supporting Member

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    I'd follow your roommate's advice.

    It's important for your horse to let go and bond with his new family. Your showing up the first day will just confuse him. Wait until after he is settled in, and then visit.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  3. Barb
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    Barb Carpe Scrotum

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    I'm so sorry. Its hard to say goodbye. I disagree with your friend. I think if your horse sees you settle him in, and you stop back to see him, he'll feel much better about his new home, and you'll feel much better too, no matter how emotional the parting is.
    {{{{Anachronism}}}}
     
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  4. AquaAthena
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    AquaAthena INTJ/ INFJ

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    Yes, that is the best advice, to save confusion for the horse, and to help yourself with your own grieving process.

    *Been there.*
     
  5. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    I have no opinion, as I have never had the privilege of owning a horse. But I am so moved by your post, Anachronism.

    There's obviously a good heart in there, somewhere.

     
  6. Anachronism
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    Anachronism BANNED

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    I'm really torn about what to do. He's been part of my life for almost 7 years now. A big part of my life. We've been through a lot together.

    Both of you ladies make great points, on opposite sides of the equation. I want Dyre's move to be as painless as possible. It's not going to be totally painless, since he doesn't like getting on the trailer, but part of me wants to be there with him when he gets off to let him know that it's okay and to be a stabilizing presence during the move. My roommate is going either way (since her dad is driving the trailer for us), so he'll have some stability at both ends, but he's not her horse, he's mine. His new owner will be there at both ends as well. Am I just being selfish to want to go? I don't know. I really, really hate having to do this to begin with and know I'm going to be an emotional wreck all day Saturday, either way.

    Thanks for the advice ladies, and for the hug, Barb. It's appreciated.
     
  7. Anachronism
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    Anachronism BANNED

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    We had to do this with another horse about 10 years ago, but I really didn't have anywhere near the bond with him that I do with Dyre. Once Davie got on the trailer, most of my serious emotional issues passed. I KNOW that's not going to happen with Dyre. I'm gonna be a wreck all day, no matter what.

    Thanks for the advice, one horseperson to another.

    Owning a horse is like having a spouse and a child all rolled into one, Madeline. It's a partnership where each side has something totally different to give, but which only works if both partners are willing to make it work. When it works it's the greatest feeling I've ever found in the world (noting that I am not married and have no children) and when it goes wrong its among the worst things I've ever encountered in life. It's like selling a member of your family. The only way I'm being able to do this is because I know he's going to a great loving woman who he likes too, and a barn where he will be spectacularly cared for an be able to do many things that he wasn't able to do with me. It's still tearing me up inside like a chainsaw through a wedding cake.
     
  8. syrenn
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    syrenn BANNED

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    Hugs I am sorry for your pain.

    As said above, i too feel that the best thing for both of you is to let her go. Alone. Both of you need to make this adjustment and a clean departure will be best. You already know she is going to a good home. Your following them to the new farm is not for the horse, but for you.

    Hugs
     
  9. boedicca
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    boedicca Uppity Water Nymph Supporting Member

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    I agree with Syrenn.

    How would your horse feel by seeing you leave while he remains in a strange place? Let him go, visit him after he's adjusted to his new home.
     
  10. Anachronism
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    Thanks. Yes, I know going along would be for ME. I won't deny that one bit. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the entire rest of the day. HOPEFULLY he'll be on the trailer and off to his new home about 9am on Saturday. That means it'll be at least mid-afternoon if not early evening before my roommate and her father are back. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself for the day if I don't go. I will have already missed my Saturday morning class at the gym by then. Sitting around the apartment moping won't do me any good either, I'm sure.

    Thanks for the kind words, though.
     

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