Long Distance Relationships

[Gentle Storm]

I'm in a long distance relationship. Kicked my ex out and never looked back

 

[George Costanza]

Unless there is a realistic chance of actually getting together face (or whatever) to face, it never lasts very long. Or, if it does, it isn't a romantic relationship.

 

[BasicGreatGuy]

Unless there is a realistic chance of actually getting together face (or whatever) to face, it never lasts very long. Or, if it does, it isn't a romantic relationship.

It is important to meet face to face. I agree with that. I see nothing wrong with a friendship beginning online, and growing into something more. Often times, things go awry when, for whatever reason, the relationship is not taken to the next logical level.

Some people can handle a long distance relationship, and others don't want to open that door, for whatever reason.

 

[BasicGreatGuy]

I'm in a long distance relationship. Kicked my ex out and never looked back

Lol

 

[BasicGreatGuy]

I'm currently in a LDR. He moved to Arizona to be near his sons almost 3 years ago. I was supposed to move out there to be with him,but I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008. I was not done with all my surgeries until Feb. 2009. He still has not found a place of his own..I have an 11 year old daughter that lives with me so I will also have to uproot her. I love him but this is my home. Ever since he has moved there he has been his sons' coach,tutor,and father. I'm afraid that when we get there he will not have time for us. I don't know anybody in Arizona. I haven't been anywhere near Arizona. He visits but only for a few days every 6 months. I can't go there because I would have to pay for a room along with the plane fare. His sister still lives here so he stays with her family while he's here. It's just getting to be too much..

Have you talked with him about your concerns and fears? If so, what was his reaction?

He says that I have to be patient that he is working hard to get enough money to move me and my daughter there. I think he should have made the money by now (if he truly wanted us there). He says I need to get a hobby and not think about the separation so much. He spends all his time with his sons (football practices,games, homework,school activities). He says that helps him cope. I have no interests like that. I'm on public assistance because my job does not pay much. I can't afford to do anything.

Going by what you shared, it doesn't look good. If he has been gone for 3 years, and doesn't even have his own place etc., I don't see how he would be able to pay to move you and your daughter.

 

[BasicGreatGuy]

When I married my current wife, she was still in the Navy and stationed in Illinois. I had a Program Manager's job in Virginia. The plan was she would retire from the Navy and to do that it would take about a year for all the paperwork to go through and for her to get retired. Then she was going to move down to Virginia where I was working and we would buy a house and settle in. In the mean while, we would just commute back and forth. This went on for about 3 months and not only was it getting expensive for one of us to fly every weekend, the constant traveling was getting old. So, I resigned from my job and moved to Illinois. The rest is history. Very good history.

Thanks for sharing BBD. It is good to read stories of people willing to make the sacrifice for their love.

 

[Greenmonstar]

I currently am in a long distance relationship. It has been officially 6 months. This is my first long distance relationship. It has been the best 6 months of my life, but at the same time it is really hard when they at 900 miles away. I can't see them all the time. We try hard to see each other online and send daily pictures to each other. We talk every day.

 

[JW Frogen]

There is a tyranny in distance and not enough space in marriage.

 

[JW Frogen]

But then I am a man who wants to return to the fucking and fruit throwing stage of our evolution.

 

[KissMy]

It is not for everyone, but It worked for me.

I became good friends with a customer that moved here from Florida. She had always told me that her closest high school friend & I we were just alike & would hit it off if we ever met. One week a bunch of her best friends from Florida came over 1,000 miles to town for a visit. We all spent the week doing some tourist stuff & I hit it off with that closest high school friend hers she always told me about. After 2-3 years & many visits & long phone calls later she moved in with me even though her friend had moved back to Florida. (no the friend was not living with me) A year later we married & it is still going strong 3 years later. We are mid 40's It is the first time I have been married & second for her.

 

[judyd]

Have you talked with him about your concerns and fears? If so, what was his reaction?

He says that I have to be patient that he is working hard to get enough money to move me and my daughter there. I think he should have made the money by now (if he truly wanted us there). He says I need to get a hobby and not think about the separation so much. He spends all his time with his sons (football practices,games, homework,school activities). He says that helps him cope. I have no interests like that. I'm on public assistance because my job does not pay much. I can't afford to do anything.

Going by what you shared, it doesn't look good. If he has been gone for 3 years, and doesn't even have his own place etc., I don't see how he would be able to pay to move you and your daughter.

I have to agree with this. You've devoted THREE years expecting this man to make your life better. You need to take a serious look back over the years and evaluate exactly what he has contributed to this relationship. A couple of visits a years, when he has other family in VA to visit, don't really count. Also, does he bring you over to his sister's place, and introduce you as his girlfriend? Has he told her of the plan to have you move to AZ?

These are sigificant factors which you shouldn't ignore. Also you should consider whether he remembers your birthday, or other events. Did he come back to help you when you had surgery? Did he at least send flowers?

There are probably plenty of guys right in your immediate area who are looking for a solid relationship with a good woman. Open your eyes, put a smile on your face and start meeting new people. At the very least, it might help you find a better job, so you don't have to worry so much about your future.

 

[FLGoldilocks]

Technically, my relationship is long distance. He's a truck driver, over the road, so he's only home with me once a month.

It is hard, but with determination you can make it work if you really love each other and want to be together. Of course, we do have it easier than most. I don't work, and as a truck driver, he has tons of "free" time to talk on the phone with me. This also makes hometime easier, as I don't have to arrange time off to see him. I think it also helps that the distance is temporary, as he comes home every month, and I usually know when he'll be here. Like, he's home right now, and I already know when he'll be home next month (right after our anniversary!). We don't really have to plan, because we do live together, it's just a matter of him getting home. No extra expenses involved, no planning time off from work, no hotel rooms, extra food, etc. Just "get your ass off work and get home."

It's also a matter of trust. If you have trust issues, LDR probably isn't for you. When you can't see them every day, when you can't swing by and surprise them just because, it requires much more trust and faith in your partner, I think. And of course, you also have to be devoted. If you can't commit yourself to a relationship where you don't see your partner every day or even every week, if you can't be happy that way, then LDR is a bad idea. You end up looking around and thinking that dating so and so would be so much better, and before you know it, you've cheated. Or you're planning to.

I'm quite happy in my relationship. Do I wish I could see him more? Absolutely. I'd love to see him every night after work. But this job is what makes him happy, and he makes good money. I don't want my happiness at the detriment of his. I'm happy knowing he's happy.

 

[Madeline]

These are the common elements I see in each story of success:

* There was never any dishonesty.

* Both people were willing to make sacrificies in order to be together.

* Both regarded themselves "involved and committed" regardless of the distance.

* Both ended the separation ASAP.

Just an observation.

 

[BasicGreatGuy]

These are the common elements I see in each story of success:

* There was never any dishonesty.

* Both people were willing to make sacrificies in order to be together.

* Both regarded themselves "involved and committed" regardless of the distance.

* Both ended the separation ASAP.

Just an observation.

I think the last point is very important. And in my opinion, is a key factor in the viability and success of the relationship.

From my observations over the years, many people are more than willing to commit themselves to the former on the list, but struggle with or won't end the separation. And unfortunately, what started out strong, slowly withers away and dies.

 

[Madeline]

These are the common elements I see in each story of success:

* There was never any dishonesty.

* Both people were willing to make sacrificies in order to be together.

* Both regarded themselves "involved and committed" regardless of the distance.

* Both ended the separation ASAP.

Just an observation.

I think the last point is very important. And in my opinion, is a key factor in the viability and success of the relationship.

From my observations over the years, many people are more than willing to commit themselves to the former on the list, but struggle with or won't end the separation. And unfortunately, what started out strong, slowly withers away and dies.

IME, it is the honesty that is so often lacking. Humans have a need to be approved of by those they like, and long distance creates a possibility for "dressing up" that face to face does not offer. You never see your beloved after a bad day at work, or with a cold, or fighting with her Mommy like she's five years old, etc.

In any event, I wish you and everyone else on USMB great happiness....may we all find (or keep) our bliss.