lies your mother told you

[daws101]

ANOTHER MOM CLASSIC
NEVER PUT NEW SHOES ON THE TABLE...! she never explained that one...

 

[shart_attack]

"You'll shoot your eye out if you get a BB gun, son."

 

[Big Black Dog]

If you fall out of that tree and break your leg don't come running to me.

If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about.

You're going to eat everything on your plate even if you have to sit at the table all night.

 

[Clement]

Always wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.

That's what an accident is: first you say it, then you do it. (Bill Cosby)

 

[katsteve2012]

"This is going to hurt me more than it will you"

 

[Indofred]

It's bigger than the ones the other boys have.

 

[Politico]

If you fall out of that tree and break your leg don't come running to me.

If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about.

You're going to eat everything on your plate even if you have to sit at the table all night.

Not a lie. Actually lived those. I was given something to cry about. I spent all night at a table. And when I broke my arm falling out of a tree I was dropped of at the emergency room and told to take care of it. All of those things only happened once.

 

[Franticfrank]

If you don't eat up,it'll rain tomorrow

 

[daws101]

angels fly in spaceships....

 

[shart_attack]

"It takes one to know one."

Not true, mom.

Just because I can spot a dog turd on the ground insomuch as to give me adequate time to avoid stepping in it doesn't make me a dog turd myself.

 

[shart_attack]

"You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with shit, son."

Two things.

1.) Not true, mom. I see a bunch more maggots on the coyote turd just outside my window than I have ever seen on the skimpy bikini-clad hotties I've met at beaches.

2.) Why the heck do I want to catch a bunch of damned flies, mom???​

 

[shart_attack]

"The truth is stranger than fiction, son."

So how the heck does that explain movies like Avatar and the Transformers, mom???

 

[BlueGin]

" I'm going to go see a man about a horse"

 

[shart_attack]

"I'm going to go see a man about a horse"

Sounds bewitchingly esoteric.

 

[daws101]

god lives on a planet called kolob..

 

[AquaAthena]

lies your mother told you

You can't do that.

 

[daws101]

do as I say not as I do...

 

[BlueGin]

"I'm going to go see a man about a horse"

Sounds bewitchingly esoteric.

Yeah...well...when she never came back with a horse it pissed me off.

 

[Ropey]

I don't remember any lies. I do remember the castor oil whenever I was sick on schooldays though.

Every two hours.

I was a very healthy child.

 

[shart_attack]

"Crime doesn't pay, son."

So how the heck does that explain American legislators, then, ma?