With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, I began to think, liberals need a day to celebrate. Here we have two major holidays where Pilgrims gave thanks to God and a day that celebrates the birth of Jesus, yet liberals have no such holidays to celebrate. After all, we tend to feel awkward around our liberal friends as we pray together as a group right before a Thanksgiving meal, knowing it makes them uncomfortable, and then eat turkey, which is carbon producing meat instead of something vegan. And who wants to celebrate Christmas around them knowing that just the sight of a manger makes them go into convulsions and foam at the mouth. Sure, there is Santa but then you have the evil corporate Holiday thingy with buying gifts and what not. So here are my thoughts for choosing a Holiday 1. Halloween. It already is an established holiday that is dedicated to acting freakish and scaring people. Most importantly, however, it is dedicated to celebrating devil worship. They spend the night dancing naked around a camp fire anyway. Nuff said. All that needs to be done is have the state recognize it so that we all have the day off. 2. May 5. No, this is not just because of cinco demayo. Instead, it celebrates the birth day of Karl Marx, the father of the DNC. In addition, all the illegal immigrants can celebrate as well. With immigration the way it is, the day will eventually become a national holiday anyway. 3. April 15. Yes, the tax deadline. Liberals need to celebrate their reason for living, which is taxation. Taxation will cure all our ills, such as global warming and inequality. The power of taxation really is supernatural. 4. January 23. This was the day Roe vs. Wade was passed. Without it, liberals like Bill Clinton and Harvey Weinstein and Hugh Heffner would have gone into poverty long ago. Just imagine all of the illegitimate children running around. Mexico would be the one building a wall. 5. June 25. This was the day that prayer was taken out of schools in the US, thus saving them from theocratic oppressive rule. Immediately after this occurred, children celebrated their freedom with skyrocketing teenage pregnancy rates and increased drug use. All I can say is, "PARTY TIME!" Any other suggestions?