Liberals & Conservatives - today's lesson in world history

Discussion in 'Politics' started by -Cp, Nov 23, 2004.

  1. -Cp
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    -Cp Senior Member

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    Human History:

    Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began
    some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.

    The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of
    beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
    beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the
    catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:

    Liberals & Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of
    agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
    so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to
    be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were
    formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night
    while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
    "the Conservative movement."

    Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live
    off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the
    sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
    movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girlymen.'

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
    cats, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of
    Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives
    provided.

    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
    most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
    the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
    white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef
    well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare. Another
    interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
    testosterone levels than their men.

    Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
    in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
    designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also
    bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide
    for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
    lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers,
    corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works
    productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
    producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
    Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
    liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.


    Here ends today's lesson in world history.
     
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  2. musicman
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    musicman Senior Member

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    LMAO! Many a truth spoken in jest.
     
  3. alien21010
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    alien21010 Member

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    ROFLMAO OMG OMG OMG LOLOLOL!!!!

    And we wonder why this country is so divided.
     
  4. Huckleburry
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    Huckleburry Member

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    Well done!!
     
  5. Eightball
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    Eightball Senior Member

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    CP:

    May I have your permission to copy your article and post it at another forum? I will state that the article was your authorship of course.

    The talent of the posters here on the U.S. Message board just "blows Me Away".......i.e.....so many humorous, articles!

    Regards, Eightballsidepocket
     
  6. Avatar4321
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    Avatar4321 Diamond Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Im not sure he wrote it. ive seen this before;)
     
  7. Eightball
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    Eightball Senior Member

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    Thank you for the update.

    Regards, Eightballsidepocket
     
  8. Eightball
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    Eightball Senior Member

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    CP:

    I went ahead and put your article in Car and Driver Magazine's and one other web/link forums and gave you credit for the article.

    The Car and Driver magazine forum has gone ballistic! The liberals on the forum are really upset.......and throwing out a lot of emotional stuff.

    Regards, Eightballsidepocket
     

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