Liberal jokes!

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Gabriella84, Jun 18, 2005.

  1. Gabriella84
    Online

    Gabriella84 Guest

    Ratings:
    +0
    Since you are all so open minded :2guns: , I thought you might enjoy reading some liberal "jokes."
    You are allowed to laugh if you wish. I won't inform Homeland Security. :blah2:


    What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky and Tony Blair?

    Blair didn't keep the dress.

    :scratch:

    What the first thing Nixon said to Reagan when they met in The Great Beyond?

    "How come you got away with it and I didn't?"

    :banned:

    Why is there such a difference in opinion regarding Clinton and Bush?

    It's OK to be a big dick as long as you don't use it
     
  2. Stephanie
    Offline

    Stephanie Diamond Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    70,236
    Thanks Received:
    10,817
    Trophy Points:
    2,040
    Ratings:
    +27,359
    You a so called adult with a childs mind. :baby:
     
  3. Adam's Apple
    Offline

    Adam's Apple Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,092
    Thanks Received:
    445
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +447
    Well, now we know the libs don't have a sense of humor either. No wonder they have all that anger and hate built up inside. Geez!
     
  4. KarlMarx
    Offline

    KarlMarx Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,231
    Thanks Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    ...
    Ratings:
    +490
    Q: How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: First you have to run it by the United Nations and get their approval. If the Security Council doesn't approve, see if you can get a resolution passed. Next you need to determine the environmental impact of changing the lightbulb. Is it an environmentally friendly lightbulb? No? Then sue the lightbulb manufacturer for violating the Kyoto Protocol (even though we didn't sign it). Next, are we going to offend anyone by changing the lightbulb? After all we don't want to be seen by the rest of the world as being unilateralist. We don't want to be seen as being aggressive and making the Arab world hate us. Back to that UN resolution, it didn't work, now what? Well, put it up to a vote, and get another resolution passed. Is that lightbulb paid for with public funds? If so, the ACLU just informed us that we are getting sued for changing the lightbulb because we mentioned God in a public place. Oh, now I forgot, when is a lightbulb a lightbulb? Shouldn't a woman be able to change a lightbulb without her husband's consent? Better get the NOW involved and see what they have to say. Are we going to offend any designated victim groups by changing this lightbulb? Just to be on the safe side, write a check to Jesse Jackson's Rainbow Coalition. How about the gays? We don't want to be seen as heteronormative, homophobic or AIDS insensitive, let's be sure that we attend all the mandated sensitivity seminars. Back to that 2nd UN resolution, it didn't work, now what? Well, let's see if we can get France to go along with another resolution. Jimmy Carter says that we really have a failed lightbulb changing policy and that we need to be more sensitive to the feelings of Fidel Castro when it comes to changing lightbulbs. Now just who is going to change that lightbulb? We need to make sure that women, union members, gays, Blacks, Hispanics are fairly represented. Back to that ACLU lawsuit, our lawyer is trying to get the ruling reversed on appeal, we probably should wait. Did France go along with our proposed resolution to the UN? Bill Clinton and Hillary are weighing in ... they claim that the lightbulb going out is linked to a vast Right Wing conspiracy that is out to get Bill Clinton. Did I mention that the Senate Democrats are filibustering to get the lightbulb changing stopped? Bad news, we've just been told that the equipment that we want to use to change the lightbulb isn't up to spec, we need to get a more expensive lightbulb changer that is environmentally friendly, safe, OSHA approved, diverse, has low cholesterol, high fiber, doesn't offend anyone, and isn't associated with tobacco or pharamceutical companies. Did you just hear, one of the people on our team was caught voting Republican and was found reading the Bible. We don't want any right wing religious extremists taking over the team, better find a vegetarian lesbian (preferrably black) to replace them. Did the UN just vote on another resoultion?
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  5. Shattered
    Online

    Shattered Guest

    Ratings:
    +0
    Oh good.. I was beginning to think I was the only one that didn't find anything funny. Not even worthy of a smirk.
     
  6. KarlMarx
    Offline

    KarlMarx Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,231
    Thanks Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    ...
    Ratings:
    +490
    Q: Why did the liberal cross the road?

    A1: To get away from George W. Bush!

    A2: To get in touch with his feelings

    Micheal Moore: We all know that the liberal crossing the road was due to a conspiracy between Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and Halliburton!

    A3: To save the whales

    A4: To protest the oppression of gays and minorities

    A5: He was letting illegal aliens into the country

    A6: To get a drivers license for the aforementioned illegal aliens

    Sen Byrd: We all know that crossing the road is a time honored tradition in the Senate

    Bill Clinton: I crossed the road because I felt your pain!

    Michael Jackson: To check out the boys!

    Jacque Chirac: To try to get the EU Constitution passed

    The UN: we need to pass a resolution before crossing the road

    The ACLU: Is that a federally funded road? Did someone mention God?

    The American Trial Lawyers: Because the ambulance was parked on the other side

    Jesse Jackson: To achieve racial equality for all black brothers and sisters! Speaking of crossing roads...did I tell you what Martin Luther King told me on the road to Selma?

    Ted Kennedy: To get to my car after the bar closed

    Hillary Clinton: I have not yet decided if I will cross the road in 2008

    Gays: Once you cross the road, you can't ever cross back!

    Sean Penn: *&$*#(& @&@& &@&(((@~~ ))) >?> U&&*#(((#_)

    Britanny Spears: I crossed the road, but then got it anulled 24 hours later

    Jimmy Carter: Fidel invited me to cross over and discuss America's aggressive foreign policy towards Cuba

    Bob Dylan: How many roads must a man cross before he is finally a man?... the answer my friend is blowing in the wind.....

    John Kerry: I remember being ordered to cross the road by President Nixon during the Christmas of 1968, it is seared into my memory!

    Animal Rights Activist: As long it isn't a chicken that crossed the road! Animals have feelings too!

    Terrorist: I heard that 72 virgins were waiting for me!

    NEA: George W Bush leaves too many children left behind on the other side of the road, that is why we need another 100 billion dollars added to the Dept of Education budget!

    Hillary Clinton (again): It takes a whole village to cross the road!

    Monica Lewinsky: I crossed the road with Bill, and saved the dress that I did it in, just in case!

    Al Gore: I would have crossed the road, but George W. Bush stole the opportunity from me!

    Karl Marx (founder of Communism): To get away from the oppression of the buogeouis capitalists!

    The NOW: It should be a woman's choice to cross the road!

    Rosie O'Donnell: To marry my partner! Gay marriage is legal on the other side of the road!

    KarlMarx(USMB Poster): As long as liberals cross roads, I will be here to ridicule them!
     
  7. Gabriella84
    Online

    Gabriella84 Guest

    Ratings:
    +0
    Liberals are not too hung up to laugh at ourselves and our failings. Conservatives merely believe they have no failings.
     
  8. Hobbit
    Offline

    Hobbit Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2004
    Messages:
    5,099
    Thanks Received:
    420
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Near Atlanta, GA
    Ratings:
    +421
    Yeah, but those jokes are downright offensive and inflammatory. Try this one for size.

    How many Republicans does it take to change a lgiht bulb?

    None, light bulbs are always on self-correcting curves that will eventually even out. If we wait long enough, the bulb will come back on by itself without government interferance.

    This, of course, refers to the Republican stance that economies are self-correcting. Try stuff more like this in the future.

    Or: That should be left up to the states.

    Referring to a traditional Republican stance regarding states' rights.

    Oh, and liberals wouldn't change a light bulb. It might offend the blind.
     
  9. KarlMarx
    Offline

    KarlMarx Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,231
    Thanks Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    ...
    Ratings:
    +490
    That, by itself, is the best joke of the bunch!
     
  10. KarlMarx
    Offline

    KarlMarx Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,231
    Thanks Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    ...
    Ratings:
    +490
    It never ceases to amaze me how you liberals view yourself as being so much better than anyone else. You never hesitate to credit yourselves with the most positive of attributes even when it is obvious that you don't have them....

    You label yourselves progressive, yet fight tooth and nail to preserve the status quo, even when there is irrefutable evidence that the policies that you embrace are ineffective and sometimes disasterous (sex education in schools, abortion, the minimum wage, the list goes on and on).

    You claim that the Right tries to forces its point of view on everyone else. Then, you force yours down everyone else's throats. You invent solutions when there isn't a problem. Gay marriage is one of those invented problems, for instance. I don't recall it being a problem at all until a Massachussetts court made it one several years ago, now it's a civil rights issue.

    You claim that you are tolerant and all embracing, yet you don't hesitate for a second to brand those who disagree with you in the most vitriolic of terms. You don't hesitate to call Catholics, Evangelicals, Orthodox Jews, Conservatives and other groups names that, in any other context would be labelled racist, homophobic, misogynist, sexist, hate mongering.

    You fancy yourselves as enlightened, educated and having more wisdom and knowledge than the rest of us. But even the most cursory investigation of your logic would show what a house of cards your thinking rests on. It's almost as if you hadn't read a single book on economics, history or any book at all.

    You pride yourselves as being free thinkers, yet you don't tolerate any dissent of opinion from within your own ranks and definitely from the "other side".....

    The capability of denial and self delusion amongst liberals just amazes me.....
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 2

Share This Page

Search tags for this page
Liberal Forum - Political Discussion Forums & Liberal Community
,
dirty liberal jokes
,
facebook page jokes about liberals
,
joke about a liberal crossing the road
,

jokes about reagan

,
jokes about regan
,
liberal jokes
,
most offensive liberal jokes
,
offensive liberal jokes
,
the view disrespectful jokes about reagan
,
why did the liberal cross the road