Lawn issues

Discussion in 'Humor' started by rightwinger, Mar 21, 2012.

  1. rightwinger
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    rightwinger Paid Messageboard Poster Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    I have to admit, it was my own fault. My wife was out with her tennis instructor Andre and my curiosity got the best of me. She had left her computer on and I checked which web sites she was visiting. Mixed in with her usual porn sites were some sites for a professional lawn service!
    Now, I admit I have always been sensitive about my lawn cutting ability. My girlfriend in High School always used to laugh because my lawnmower was so small. She ended up leaving me for a guy with a lawn tractor
    When my wife got back the next morning, I asked her about the web sites I saw on her computer. She said those sites just pop up when she is looking at porn and there is nothing she can do about it. I would like to trust her and she told me when we got married that she didn't care how big my lawnmower was as long as the lawn got cut.
    I have tried everything I could to make sure her lawn gets cut right.....I have used different mower positions, cross cuts, I even tried Viagrow which is supposed to help the lawn grow faster and last longer
    Finally, last summer, she told me I was not doing a good enough job cutting her lawn and that she wanted to bring in another guy to do the backyard while I was doing the front. I refused and she left me for a guy she said had the biggest mower in town
    I ended up finding another woman who has the biggest lawn I ever saw. She tells me to take my time and she doesn't care if I take all day to cut the lawn. I usually start in the front and end up in the backyard. She doesnt even mind when I spray lawn clippings around her backdoor.
    I heard from my ex-wifes sister yesterday and she tells me her new husband is having problems getting his mower started. He can't get it started at all without my wifes help and most times she has to pull and pull and it still won't start. She ended up buying one of those electric weed whackers to get her by.
    I can't wait for spring
     
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  2. Two Thumbs
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    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

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    Try a thorough cleaning of the gutters. Complete with a glossy polish.
     
  3. FuelRod
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    FuelRod Gold Member

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    It's not the size of the mower but how much gas the tank can hold.
     
  4. rightwinger
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    rightwinger Paid Messageboard Poster Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    Sometimes it's how hard you push it
     

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