Ladies.... It's not how you look it's how you feel about it.

[Anachronism]

Ok, I will not claim to be ANY form of expert on relationships, clothing, fashion, or women in general but this is something I need to get off my chest before I explode. Mostly because it's something I've run into three or four times in my personal life over the last couple of weeks and I can't believe that it isn't obvious to everyone....

Why is it that so many women cannot comprehend that their level of "attractiveness" is generally nowhere near as much about WHAT they are wearing as HOW you feel about what you are wearing?!?!?! I believe it was once said that a truly beautiful woman could make a burlap sack with arm and neck holes look GOOD. I know that a lot of women nowadays would probably disagree with that.

With the advent of clothing and undergarments designed to enhance this, reduce that, show off something else we seem to have reached a point where women feel that they have to look a very specific way in order to feel "attractive"; when in reality the truth is that it is the confidence that a woman has in her appearance that makes her truly beautiful regardless of what cup size her bra might be, or what size jeans she's wearing.

My frustration on this issue comes mostly from a pair of conversations I had at the gym I go to yesterday....

The first was with a lady who just turned 31. I've attended a couple of group classes with her, so we know each other a little bit. She got on the elyptical machine next to me and put a fashion magazine on the rack in front of her, without opening it. After a couple of minutes I asked her if she was going to read the magazine or if she was trying to absorb the articles through osmosis. She laughed and told me that she was trying to use the photo of the actress/model in a bikini on the cover as a means of motivation. "I'm hoping to look like that by the time my vacation comes around in August" Lynn informed me. When I looked over at the cover, I told Lynn that so far as I was concerned she already looked BETTER than the woman in the bikini. She laughed and told me I must be blind because the model was obviously much thinner than she is. I reminded her that while the model might be thinner she also had no hips or chest and looked almost boyish; which I at least personally don't find to be terribly good looking; while she has very nice curves, which I find to be much more feminine and attractive. She smiled that "You're a guy, you wouldn't understand what I'm talking about." smile and we both went back to our workouts.

The second happened while I was waiting for my post-workout Orange Creame smoothie with protein that is part of my end of workout routine. Sitting there at the smoothie bar was Alicia, another very attractive young woman who I know from several group classes. She was commenting to one of the female staff members that her twin sister Erica (who is engaged to one of the staff members) gets all the looks from the guys at the gym but nobody really seems to pay any attention to her. Even when they wear essentially identical outfits to workout. I quietly and politely mentioned that if she was really interested I could explain to her why that was. Of course they both wanted to know what I felt the reason was. "When Erica wears something she doesn't care who is looking at her butt, her hips, her chest, etc... She has the confidence that she looks good in it and goes with it. You on the other hand always seem to be trying to hide something. Almost like you're embarassed of what you're wearing or how your body looks. You're both incredibly attractive young women, but Erica's confidence just makes all the difference in how guys see the two of you." Of course I immediately got told that I had no idea what I was talking about.

This is something I've gone through with my roommate and several former girlfriends as well. Is it really that tough of a concept to get..... When you feel happy and confident about what you look like, you end up being a lot more attractive to other people as well. That's why a lot of makeup on a woman turns most guys off... we wonder what it is you're hiding underneath it. It's also why a pair of jeans and a nice blouse can be 100X sexier on a woman who OWNS that look than a miniskirt and corset-top is on a woman who is not confident about what she's wearing.

Ok. I feel better now. [/rant]

 

[R.D.]

Hint. When a woman tells you "you have no idea what you're talking about" it is her polite way of telling you to shut up and get lost

Being you imagine you pick up prostitutes who pretend to be in peril with your employers money you should probably stick to admiring woman and stop trying to get them to take your love tips

 

[High_Gravity]

So why aren't you getting these womens numbers?

 

[Granny]

LOL!!

Good post. Generally speaking, I would say that way too many women have lost their sense of who they are or they never knew who they were/are in the first place.

As an old lady, I'm lucky to be able to say I have very few wrinkles. I color my hair because I'm not ready to be "old" yet. Gray or white looks great on anyone else other than me. I eat right and exercise because it's just a good thing to do. I don't dress like an old lady because I don't feel like an old lady. And I don't want to be dressed like everybody else. I know who I am and feel good about it.

Young girls and/or their mothers start competing at a very early age. In a sense they are being "aged" very quickly. They're being sucked into the ideal of perfection. They are taught they have to be "perfect" little clones of each other rather than being taught to be themselves as individuals; wear makeup in grade school - (everybody's doing it); they HAVE to have what everybody else is wearing - (it's in style); they HAVE to have the same hairstyle as everybody else and on and on it goes. It's all about what's on the outside rather than the inside.

Hollywood celebrities set the standard. Some look absolutely anorexic and others have enough cellulite to choke an elephant. These celebrities have personal trainers and spend God knows how many hours "working out" (gotta stay buff); they also have make-up artists to keep them looking good - and air brushes to "remove" any imperfections that might be there; they set the clothing standard for teens. They always look "perfect."
Being thin has less to do with being healthy as advertized than it does with having that perfect body - and the food police are going to make us become thin or die trying.

Clothes become more and more skimpy and/or risque. It used to be that leaving something to the imagination was the way to go. Now it's let's let it all hang out. Fashion designers stay one step ahead of the game - this season's color and/or style is going to be passe in about 6 weeks - helps keep the money flowing.

The "reasons" could go on and on - but bottom line is that the perfection ideal is in full play. For lack of a better term we live in a "plastic" world these days - the "right" schools; the "right" neighborhood; the "right" car; the "right" clothes; the "right" employer; ...... It's all about what's on the outside.

 

[Anachronism]

So why aren't you getting these womens numbers?

The first one is happily married to a member of the local police department. The second one is almost young enough to be my daughter and her personality just isn't what I'm looking for. Two clingy, needy, high drama people in a relationship is just a recipe for disaster.

 

[High_Gravity]

So why aren't you getting these womens numbers?

The first one is happily married to a member of the local police department. The second one is almost young enough to be my daughter and her personality just isn't what I'm looking for. Two clingy, needy, high drama people in a relationship is just a recipe for disaster.

Oh, I'm just saying if I spent enough time in the gym like you I would be trying to talk to some girls in there, some of the best sex I ever had was with a married woman.

 

[Truthmatters]

I gave up fashion, makeup and the like in my teens for just this reason.

Its bullshit and full of self defeating crap designed to make women feel like there is always something wrong with them and that they NEED to buy something to be attractive.


This world makes HUGE bucks off the backs of women who are constantly given a newer and younger version of what pretty is so people can make money.


Now watch the idiots insult me for doing so because Im left leaning.

 

[Anachronism]

Good post. Generally speaking, I would say that way too many women have lost their sense of who they are or they never knew who they were/are in the first place.

As an old lady, I'm lucky to be able to say I have very few wrinkles. I color my hair because I'm not ready to be "old" yet. Gray or white looks great on anyone else other than me. I eat right and exercise because it's just a good thing to do. I don't dress like an old lady because I don't feel like an old lady. And I don't want to be dressed like everybody else. I know who I am and feel good about it.

Granny, I think you hit the nail right on the head. It''s all about knowing who you are and "owning" it..... liking and enjoying yourself for who you are, not who someone else tells you that you should be.

The most physically attractive woman I've ever dated was a horror to be around. She was constantly priming and checking this or that in every mirror we went by. Alway worried about whether this or that was "in fashion". It was a total nightmare. On the other hand the "sexiest" woman I've ever dated looked just as hot in a tshirt and sweatpants as she did in a LBD and heels.... because she knew who and what she was and she was comfortable with it. She didn't need a ton of makeup or push-up bras or crap like that. She accepted who she was and made the most of it. If she hadn't decided to move back to the West Coast she might be my wife right now.

 

[R.D.]

I gave up fashion, makeup and the like in my teens for just this reason.

Its bullshit and full of self defeating crap designed to make women feel like there is always something wrong with them and that they NEED to buy something to be attractive.


This world makes HUGE bucks off the backs of women who are constantly given a newer and younger version of what pretty is so people can make money.


Now watch the idiots insult me for doing so because Im left leaning.

Fashion is an industry just like any other. I don't blame it for any individuals woes.

I would by lying if I said it didn't matter to me how I looked. My look is low maintenance with a lot of effort

 

[Anachronism]

Oh, I'm just saying if I spent enough time in the gym like you I would be trying to talk to some girls in there, some of the best sex I ever had was with a married woman.

I talk to a lot of people in there. I tend to find that the women in the age range I'm looking at (27-39) are almost all married or engaged. I am definitely NOT interested in adultery. Especially since I'm of the opinion that the penalty for that should be castration (for BOTH parties involved).

I gave up fashion, makeup and the like in my teens for just this reason.

Its bullshit and full of self defeating crap designed to make women feel like there is always something wrong with them and that they NEED to buy something to be attractive.

Good for you, TM. Glad to see that at least some people get it. I get the feeling that you're a lot happier because of it as well, which is also a good thing.

 

[Truthmatters]

My "look" is what I was born with.

I am far more concerned with charactor.


take a gander at how pelosi and Mrs Clinton were treated surrounding their looks and you will see why most women feel insecure about their looks.

 

[High_Gravity]

Oh, I'm just saying if I spent enough time in the gym like you I would be trying to talk to some girls in there, some of the best sex I ever had was with a married woman.

I talk to a lot of people in there. I tend to find that the women in the age range I'm looking at (27-39) are almost all married or engaged. I am definitely NOT interested in adultery. Especially since I'm of the opinion that the penalty for that should be castration (for BOTH parties involved).

Well I don't know about castration but I am surprised to hear you say most of the women in that age range are married or engaged, especially considering our high divorce rates. I met ALOT of older women in their 30s and 40s when I was single that were divorced and doing their own thing.

 

[Anachronism]

......... but I am surprised to hear you say most of the women in that age range are married or engaged, especially considering our high divorce rates. I met ALOT of older women in their 30s and 40s when I was single that were divorced and doing their own thing.

I go to a relatively small, family-oriented, locally-owned gym. We have about 300 members in total (might be a little more now). It's a very low-key, laid back atmospehere. It isn't a name brand gym or a meat market. Much more low-key and laid-back so it tends to not bring in the "I'm going to the gym to be seen" or "I pick things up, I put them down" crowds. We've got some singles in that age range but most of the single women are in the college age bracket, which is a little young for me.

 

[Valerie]

And let me tell you something, darling......You...Look...Marvelous!

 

[High_Gravity]

......... but I am surprised to hear you say most of the women in that age range are married or engaged, especially considering our high divorce rates. I met ALOT of older women in their 30s and 40s when I was single that were divorced and doing their own thing.

I go to a relatively small, family-oriented, locally-owned gym. We have about 300 members in total (might be a little more now). It's a very low-key, laid back atmospehere. It isn't a name brand gym or a meat market. Much more low-key and laid-back so it tends to not bring in the "I'm going to the gym to be seen" or "I pick things up, I put them down" crowds. We've got some singles in that age range but most of the single women are in the college age bracket, which is a little young for me.

I don't know if you drink or not but I met alot the older women I was with at bars, there are certain nights where the late 30s, early 40s crowd will go out, I found some good pickings there. An older woman might be what you are looking for.Don't blame you about the college girls, they are good for some fun but not much else, definently not a serious relationship.

 

[Anachronism]

I don't know if you drink or not but I met alot the older women I was with at bars, there are certain nights where the late 30s, early 40s crowd will go out, I found some good pickings there. An older woman might be what you are looking for.Don't blame you about the college girls, they are good for some fun but not much else, definently not a serious relationship.

I don't drink a whole lot. Most of the times I go out it's to Sports Bars more than your general saloon and tavern type place. That might be the sort of place I start frequenting more once I move. It's an interesting idea, and yes an "older" (30's to early 40's) woman might be much more what I'm looking for.

 

[High_Gravity]

I don't know if you drink or not but I met alot the older women I was with at bars, there are certain nights where the late 30s, early 40s crowd will go out, I found some good pickings there. An older woman might be what you are looking for.Don't blame you about the college girls, they are good for some fun but not much else, definently not a serious relationship.

I don't drink a whole lot. Most of the times I go out it's to Sports Bars more than your general saloon and tavern type place. That might be the sort of place I start frequenting more once I move. It's an interesting idea, and yes an "older" (30's to early 40's) woman might be much more what I'm looking for.

I did date a few women in their 40s but because of the age difference (I was 24) it never turned into anything serious, but I definently found those women more grounded mentally and more sophisticated than their 20 year old counter parts.

 

[Colin]

And let me tell you something, darling......You...Look...Marvelous!

Lol! Oh Fernando! "It is better to look good than to feel good."

 

[The Gadfly]

I don't know if you drink or not but I met alot the older women I was with at bars, there are certain nights where the late 30s, early 40s crowd will go out, I found some good pickings there. An older woman might be what you are looking for.Don't blame you about the college girls, they are good for some fun but not much else, definently not a serious relationship.

I don't drink a whole lot. Most of the times I go out it's to Sports Bars more than your general saloon and tavern type place. That might be the sort of place I start frequenting more once I move. It's an interesting idea, and yes an "older" (30's to early 40's) woman might be much more what I'm looking for.

I did date a few women in their 40s but because of the age difference (I was 24) it never turned into anything serious, but I definently found those women more grounded mentally and more sophisticated than their 20 year old counter parts.

That's pretty much been my experience, HG; it's relatively rare to find a woman under thirty-five or so who is truly emotionally secure, sophisticated, and comfortable in her own skin. Part of this is societal; it simply takes both men and women longer to become mature now, than when I was young. The guys, on the one hand are told they should be responsible, caring and sensitive, while the Hollywood imagery they see in the movies suggests that the bad boys get the hot women; they then have trouble reconciling the messages. Its just as confusing for women, who are told, on the one hand, how independent they should be, and how far they've come, while Hollywood and the media promote an "ideal" body image that most women are physically incapable of achieving, let alone maintaining; small wonder so many are insecure, or have a negative body image of themselves.The resulting anxiety, and even serious eating disorders, speak volumes about this; and now, there's evidence these are spreading among younger men as well. There's nothing wrong with being fit, but the current thin-is-in fad is killing people.....literally. It's especially telling, I think, that the movie sex goddesses of my generation's youth, women like Marilyn Monroe, Gina Lollobriggida, Sophia Loren, and Jayne Mansfield, would be considered "fat" by today's standards. It takes a certain level of maturity to overcome this garbage(which is what most of it is).

This whole state of affairs would be somewhat amusing, just for its sheer silliness, were it not for the number of women (and men) who are being psychologically and physically damaged by it.

 

[Granny]

Perhaps the real "ideal" is the man or woman who accepts someone with all their flaws and still loves that person anyway. None of us is perfectly perfect and the sooner we learn to love ourselves as we are the sooner we will be able to love someone else as that person is.