Know thy enemy...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by fuzzykitten99, Mar 27, 2006.

  1. fuzzykitten99

    fuzzykitten99 VIP Member

    Apr 23, 2004
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    You'll have to check the Marauder's Map...
    I think I may have posted this before, but since preggo-brain has taken over, suffer from CRS. These are funny anyway. sidenote: The John Kerry ones are from pre-election time.

    got these from


    * Liberals hate people who are not open minded. Open minded is defined as thinking just like they think (otherwise you're evil).

    * The major diet of the liberal is tofu and granola. This makes them puny and easy to pick up and throw.

    * Liberals love to spend other people's money. If you see a liberal, it's okay to take his money because it probably wasn't his anyway.

    * The whine of the North American liberal can often be mistaken for the sound of a screech owl. The main difference is that the liberal's whine will also have a nauseating effect.

    * Liberals love socialism and want to socialize all businesses. If you see a liberal coming towards your business, throw a stick at him before he can socialize it.

    * Liberals tend to congregate on college campuses as it is a safe haven for their idiotic ideas, protecting them from scrutiny. Thus, avoid college at all costs.

    * Liberals are invulnerable to reason and logic. They are vulnerable to firearms, knives, and the bitch slap.

    * Liberals hate America and love more oppressed people... like evil dictators.

    * Much like the duck, it's illegal to shoot a liberal who is floating in a lake.

    * Liberals will try to entice you with their twisted logic. If that doesn't work, they'll bite you.

    * Hanging a picture of Ronald Reagan over your door will keep liberals from entering.

    * Liberals come in two main varieties: intellectual and mental patient. You can only distinguish between the two by noting whether their jacket has sleeves.

    * If you see a fuel-efficient foreign car, it's probably being driven by a liberal. Run it off the road with your American SUV.

    * Even if you satisfy liberals’ demands, they'll come up with new things to complain about that you could never even imagine; they’re just that creative. That creativity is put towards much better use as forced labor in a coal mine.

    * Liberals are always whining about tolerance, but, when I punch them for that, they get whiny. Hey, be tolerant!

    * Some liberals still think Communism is good. I guess we should threaten them with nuclear missiles just like we did the Soviets.

    * In a fight between Aquaman and liberals, liberals would have Aquaman fined for disturbing the habitat of endangered fish.

    * Liberals like to sympathize with terrorists. Keep them away from Gitmo, or there will be nothing but sympathizing.

    * I've heard vicious rumors that liberals also like the French, but that might just be slander against liberals.


    * In his campaign, Kerry is planning on relying on his wife's ketchup money. That's a lot like blood money, but more tomato based.

    * Kerry has enough botulism in his face to wipe out a small African village.

    * Kerry wants people to know that he is a friend of the common man... he just doesn't want to talk to any of them, see any of them, have any in his country club, or even be near any of them unless they have lots of special interest campaign contributions.

    * John Kerry's hair is the source of his important lookingness. If you shaved off his hair, he would no longer look important.

    * Like George Bush, John Kerry was a member of the secret Skull and Bones society at Yale. They will actually determine who will be president, and this whole election is just for our entertainment.

    * The Vietnam war was going great and was extremely popular in the U.S.... until Kerry joined in.

    * Sometimes Kerry has simultaneous flashbacks to fighting in Vietnam and being a Vietnam War protestor, causing him to spit on himself.

    * Kerry knows for a fact from Vietnam that eating the heart of your defeated enemy will not gain you his non-French-lookingness.

    * Some hippies had called Kerry a “baby-killer” when he returned from Vietnam, but, in reality, he wussed out and ran away when caught in a baby knife fight.

    * Though he likes to tout his Vietnam record now (he was in Vietnam, you know), he was also involved in the same protest group as Jane "Why in God's Name Wasn't She Hung as a Traitor" Fonda.

    * Jane Fonda was married to Ted Turner who is a total jackass. That has nothing to do with John Kerry, but it's worth saying.

    * If you are in the military and Kerry drops by your place, hide your medals. Apparently he likes to throw other people's medals.

    * Senator John Kerry has a more liberal voting record than Senator Ted Kennedy, which people used to think was scientifically impossible since the way to judge how liberal one's voting record is was to see how close it is to Ted Kennedy's.

    * Wait, who was I zinging there? John Kerry or Ted Kennedy? Hell, they both deserve it.

    * John Kerry is so liberal...

    How liberal is he?

    He's so liberal, that he thinks minors should be able to get abortions without even their own consent.

    * According to sources, Kerry's name rhymes with "fairy". I'm not saying to call him John "Fairy"; I'm just putting that information out there.

    * In a fight between John Kerry and Aquaman, I'm not sure who'd win, but the battle would involve a lot of effeminate slapping.

    * Some say Kerry looks like Lurch from the Addams Family, but that's not fair; Lurch is not French.

    * Kerry comes from the most evil/liberal state in the union: Massachusetts. Some say Hitler was born there.

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