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jokes to offend everyone....
- Thread starter manu1959
- Start date
I have a racist brother and uncle who like to tell jokes!Luissa...
You took the thread title ("jokes to offend everyone") quite literally.
I have a racist brother and uncle who like to tell jokes!Luissa...
You took the thread title ("jokes to offend everyone") quite literally.
I liked the one about the NBA.
Kalam
Senior Member
- Mar 5, 2009
- 8,866
- 785
- 48
Muslims:
Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A. They mark the camels that kick.
Jews:
Q. How was copper wire invented?
A. Two Jews grabbed the same penny.
Christians:
A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"
The little boy turns to him and says, "My mommy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."
The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"
Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A. They mark the camels that kick.
Jews:
Q. How was copper wire invented?
A. Two Jews grabbed the same penny.
Christians:
A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"
The little boy turns to him and says, "My mommy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."
The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"
LiveUninhibited
Caffeine Junkie
- Feb 16, 2009
- 503
- 60
- 28
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same
day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q: What's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday?
A: Erection day.
Q. How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word?
A. Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!"
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with
darkness"
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same
day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q: What's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday?
A: Erection day.
Q. How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word?
A. Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!"
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with
darkness"
What would be the worst dream you could have? Waking up, looking in the mirror and seeing Shogun.
What would be the worst NIGHTMARE you could have? Dreaming you were a troofer.
What would be the worst NIGHTMARE you could have? Dreaming you were a troofer.
How did God Make the first Italian?
Shit on a shovel, threw it against a wall, WOP.
Why won't black parents let their cats out while the children are playing in the sand box?
Because the cat keeps trying to bury the child in sand.
What does a child in West Virginia call it's mother's brother?
Uncle Dad.
Shit on a shovel, threw it against a wall, WOP.
Why won't black parents let their cats out while the children are playing in the sand box?
Because the cat keeps trying to bury the child in sand.
What does a child in West Virginia call it's mother's brother?
Uncle Dad.
obama joke:
obama and an apple fall out of a tree...which hits the ground first?
the apple..the rope should hold
did yall see that damn video i posted in here....read a book? its about as bad as anything i have seen lately but funny as hell....read a book nigga read a book.....
obama and an apple fall out of a tree...which hits the ground first?
the apple..the rope should hold
did yall see that damn video i posted in here....read a book? its about as bad as anything i have seen lately but funny as hell....read a book nigga read a book.....
how do you tell if a little polish girl is on the rag?
she only has one sock on....
how do you get a one armed polack out of a tree?
wave
a blonde, a redhead and a burnette are at the gyn/ob and they are all preggies...the burnette says i am gonna have a boy..the others say how do you know? she replies...i was on the bottom when we had sex to conceive this child....redhead says i am gonnna have a girl cause i was on top when we had sex to conceive this child.....
the blonde...says ...o shit...i'm gonna have puppies
she only has one sock on....
how do you get a one armed polack out of a tree?
wave
a blonde, a redhead and a burnette are at the gyn/ob and they are all preggies...the burnette says i am gonna have a boy..the others say how do you know? she replies...i was on the bottom when we had sex to conceive this child....redhead says i am gonnna have a girl cause i was on top when we had sex to conceive this child.....
the blonde...says ...o shit...i'm gonna have puppies
how do you know if a blonde has used your computer?
white out on the screen
white out on the screen
why do mexicans like them tiny steering wheels?
you can drive with handcuffs on
what is the most feared holiday in harlem?
fathers day
you can drive with handcuffs on
what is the most feared holiday in harlem?
fathers day
What is the best thing about taking a shower with a twelve year old girl?
slick back her hair and she looks like a ten year old boy.
That's hilarious.
the day after the election I got the funniest one, it said all white people report to the cotton fields by 7am. I sent it around to my friends, only my repub friend thought it was funny.obama joke:
obama and an apple fall out of a tree...which hits the ground first?
the apple..the rope should hold
did yall see that damn video i posted in here....read a book? its about as bad as anything i have seen lately but funny as hell....read a book nigga read a book.....
did you hear they are gonna ban aspirin?
cause it's white and works
have you got your stimulus package yet?
pack of watermelon seeds and a box of fried chicken
cause it's white and works
have you got your stimulus package yet?
pack of watermelon seeds and a box of fried chicken
Father Time
I'll be Still Alive
- Nov 29, 2008
- 5,130
- 450
- 83
So a guy walks into a talent agent's office and asks the guy to represent him.
The talent agent asks him for his act and the man starts to describe it.
"It's a family act.
First we got my 6 year old daughter pushing around our 7 month old son in a stroller and carrying her favorite teddy bear and there's our dog following them. She's walking along all nice and peaceful and then me, my wife and our pair of 16 year old twins (one boy and one girl) come out on stage, the wife is juggling torches and we're all naked. We push the stroller out of her hands onto the floor and we yank the teddy bear out of her hands. Then me and the twins grab the 6 year old girl and gang rape her in every conceivable position. The baby starts crying and my wife puts down the torches to try to soothe it. She picks up the baby and gives it a big hard slap on the face. It leaves a big red mark on the baby's face and it stings for weeks.
Meanwhile me, and the twins are still raping my daughter just penetrating and blowing her in every which way, our bodies thrusting and throbbing and sweating. The 6 year old is sobbing almost as much the baby, tears are running down her face. The twins pull out and shit on the floor and the 16 year old son starts smearing it on my wife. She gets horny and masturbates on the audience in a grandiose explosion.
While this is going on the 16 year old daughter starts sucking off the dog and I give the crying baby a pacifier and give it to the 6 year old daughter. Then we light her teddy bear on fire and she drops the baby with a large crack and the baby's head starts bleeding all over the floor.
Then we get the little girl to suck off one of the 16 year olds (she gets to choose which one) and while this is going on we cut off the dog's tail and feed it to the baby and the twins go down on each other. Then finally as a grand finale when the children are finished we all gather around the wife for a big last minute circle jerk and then we smear the baby's blood all over the wife, urinate on her, shove the dog up my ass and then my wife goes into the audience smearing her bloody shitty self all over the place.
Then my 16 year old son does a mike tyson impersonation and bites the baby's ear off. Then we sacrifice what is left of him to Jesus Christ and then we take a bow."
The manager is stunned, looks at the man and says
"That's a sick act, what in the world do you call it?"
The guy looks at him and says with a flourish.
The Aristocrats
The talent agent asks him for his act and the man starts to describe it.
"It's a family act.
First we got my 6 year old daughter pushing around our 7 month old son in a stroller and carrying her favorite teddy bear and there's our dog following them. She's walking along all nice and peaceful and then me, my wife and our pair of 16 year old twins (one boy and one girl) come out on stage, the wife is juggling torches and we're all naked. We push the stroller out of her hands onto the floor and we yank the teddy bear out of her hands. Then me and the twins grab the 6 year old girl and gang rape her in every conceivable position. The baby starts crying and my wife puts down the torches to try to soothe it. She picks up the baby and gives it a big hard slap on the face. It leaves a big red mark on the baby's face and it stings for weeks.
Meanwhile me, and the twins are still raping my daughter just penetrating and blowing her in every which way, our bodies thrusting and throbbing and sweating. The 6 year old is sobbing almost as much the baby, tears are running down her face. The twins pull out and shit on the floor and the 16 year old son starts smearing it on my wife. She gets horny and masturbates on the audience in a grandiose explosion.
While this is going on the 16 year old daughter starts sucking off the dog and I give the crying baby a pacifier and give it to the 6 year old daughter. Then we light her teddy bear on fire and she drops the baby with a large crack and the baby's head starts bleeding all over the floor.
Then we get the little girl to suck off one of the 16 year olds (she gets to choose which one) and while this is going on we cut off the dog's tail and feed it to the baby and the twins go down on each other. Then finally as a grand finale when the children are finished we all gather around the wife for a big last minute circle jerk and then we smear the baby's blood all over the wife, urinate on her, shove the dog up my ass and then my wife goes into the audience smearing her bloody shitty self all over the place.
Then my 16 year old son does a mike tyson impersonation and bites the baby's ear off. Then we sacrifice what is left of him to Jesus Christ and then we take a bow."
The manager is stunned, looks at the man and says
"That's a sick act, what in the world do you call it?"
The guy looks at him and says with a flourish.
The Aristocrats
Last edited:
lol@father time...the movie was funny...who knew bob saget...was so nasty
Father Time
I'll be Still Alive
- Nov 29, 2008
- 5,130
- 450
- 83
what is the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
skid marks in front of the skunk
what do you have when you have 200 lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand?
a good start
No the answer is not enough sand.
what is the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
skid marks in front of the skunk
what do you have when you have 200 lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand?
a good start
No the answer is not enough sand.
i have heard it both ways thank you..are you the joke nazi? lol
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