1) George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, 'You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink.' Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, 'He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?' The angel says, 'He's standing on Clinton's shoulders!' 2) If pro is the oppposite of con and progress means "moving forward" what do you think congress means? 3) Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming. One of the President's cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point Bill stands up and throws Hillary out onto the field. The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, "No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch."