John Kelly struggles to maintain Trump impersonation during phone calls to Parkland survivors

[DrLove]

Poor guy

WASHINGTON—Finding it difficult to refrain from basic human compassion and instead make everything about himself in the face of horrible tragedy, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly struggled Friday to maintain a believable Trump impression during phone calls with the teenage survivors of the mass shooting in Parkland, FL, administration sources confirmed.

“This was a bad dude, a really bad dude, and, uh, we’re going to win, and it’s going to be unbelievable,” said the retired four-star Marine Corps general whose adherence to Trump’s unrefined speech patterns, 160-word vocabulary, and erratic vocal cadence was undercut by his inability to fully capture the commander in chief’s meandering, self-centered arrogance. “My heart truly breaks for you and all who have suffered—uh, no, I mean—what a huge thrill it must be for you to get to talk to me.”

The Parkland survivors later indicated that Kelly’s refusal to voice any commitment for gun control measures had successfully convinced them they were indeed speaking to the president.​

https://politics.theonion.com/john-kelly-struggles-to-maintain-believable-trump-impre-1823277312

 

[Lastamender]

Poor guy

WASHINGTON—Finding it difficult to refrain from basic human compassion and instead make everything about himself in the face of horrible tragedy, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly struggled Friday to maintain a believable Trump impression during phone calls with the teenage survivors of the mass shooting in Parkland, FL, administration sources confirmed.

“This was a bad dude, a really bad dude, and, uh, we’re going to win, and it’s going to be unbelievable,” said the retired four-star Marine Corps general whose adherence to Trump’s unrefined speech patterns, 160-word vocabulary, and erratic vocal cadence was undercut by his inability to fully capture the commander in chief’s meandering, self-centered arrogance. “My heart truly breaks for you and all who have suffered—uh, no, I mean—what a huge thrill it must be for you to get to talk to me.”

The Parkland survivors later indicated that Kelly’s refusal to voice any commitment for gun control measures had successfully convinced them they were indeed speaking to the president.​

https://politics.theonion.com/john-kelly-struggles-to-maintain-believable-trump-impre-1823277312

The Onion is satire, you dumbass.

 

[DrLove]

The Onion is satire, you dumbass.

And where did I post it --- DUMBERass?

 

[Lastamender]

The Onion is satire, you dumbass.

And where did I post it --- DUMBERass?

My mistake. See how easy that was?

 

[JakeStarkey]

Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.

 

[Lastamender]

Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.

Most Marine generals do. You are an idiot.

 

[DrLove]

Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.

Wonder who's gonna win the war between Kelly and Kushner. My money on Little Jared.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.

Most Marine generals do. You are an idiot.

The Alt Righties, like you, brought up the nonsense of crisis operators. So you are going to have to suck on it.

 

[Lastamender]

Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.

Most Marine generals do. You are an idiot.

The Alt Righties, like you, brought up the nonsense of crisis operators. So you are going to have to suck on it.

I am not alt right, you are a liar. Carry on.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.

Most Marine generals do. You are an idiot.

The Alt Righties, like you, brought up the nonsense of crisis operators. So you are going to have to suck on it.

I am not alt right, you are a liar. Carry on.

The first thing RT teach alt right operators is to deny they are alt right.

 

[Lastamender]

Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.

Most Marine generals do. You are an idiot.

The Alt Righties, like you, brought up the nonsense of crisis operators. So you are going to have to suck on it.

I am not alt right, you are a liar. Carry on.

The first thing RT teach alt right operators is to deny they are alt right.

I see you have not denied that you are an idiot. Enough said.

 

[del]

Poor guy

WASHINGTON—Finding it difficult to refrain from basic human compassion and instead make everything about himself in the face of horrible tragedy, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly struggled Friday to maintain a believable Trump impression during phone calls with the teenage survivors of the mass shooting in Parkland, FL, administration sources confirmed.

“This was a bad dude, a really bad dude, and, uh, we’re going to win, and it’s going to be unbelievable,” said the retired four-star Marine Corps general whose adherence to Trump’s unrefined speech patterns, 160-word vocabulary, and erratic vocal cadence was undercut by his inability to fully capture the commander in chief’s meandering, self-centered arrogance. “My heart truly breaks for you and all who have suffered—uh, no, I mean—what a huge thrill it must be for you to get to talk to me.”

The Parkland survivors later indicated that Kelly’s refusal to voice any commitment for gun control measures had successfully convinced them they were indeed speaking to the president.​

https://politics.theonion.com/john-kelly-struggles-to-maintain-believable-trump-impre-1823277312

The Onion is satire, you dumbass.

that's why it's posted in *satire*, fuckwit

 

[Lastamender]

Poor guy

WASHINGTON—Finding it difficult to refrain from basic human compassion and instead make everything about himself in the face of horrible tragedy, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly struggled Friday to maintain a believable Trump impression during phone calls with the teenage survivors of the mass shooting in Parkland, FL, administration sources confirmed.

“This was a bad dude, a really bad dude, and, uh, we’re going to win, and it’s going to be unbelievable,” said the retired four-star Marine Corps general whose adherence to Trump’s unrefined speech patterns, 160-word vocabulary, and erratic vocal cadence was undercut by his inability to fully capture the commander in chief’s meandering, self-centered arrogance. “My heart truly breaks for you and all who have suffered—uh, no, I mean—what a huge thrill it must be for you to get to talk to me.”

The Parkland survivors later indicated that Kelly’s refusal to voice any commitment for gun control measures had successfully convinced them they were indeed speaking to the president.​

https://politics.theonion.com/john-kelly-struggles-to-maintain-believable-trump-impre-1823277312

The Onion is satire, you dumbass.

that's why it's posted in *satire*, fuckwit

I have been told, and admitted my mistake in post #4. Better work on your attention span.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Lastamender need to apologize for much more than being just an idiot. Get to it.

 

[Lastamender]

Lastamender need to apologize for much more than being just an idiot. Get to it.

I'm ready. Let me have some good old fashioned progressive moralizing. Idiot.

 

[TyroneSlothrop]

Poor guy

WASHINGTON—Finding it difficult to refrain from basic human compassion and instead make everything about himself in the face of horrible tragedy, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly struggled Friday to maintain a believable Trump impression during phone calls with the teenage survivors of the mass shooting in Parkland, FL, administration sources confirmed.

“This was a bad dude, a really bad dude, and, uh, we’re going to win, and it’s going to be unbelievable,” said the retired four-star Marine Corps general whose adherence to Trump’s unrefined speech patterns, 160-word vocabulary, and erratic vocal cadence was undercut by his inability to fully capture the commander in chief’s meandering, self-centered arrogance. “My heart truly breaks for you and all who have suffered—uh, no, I mean—what a huge thrill it must be for you to get to talk to me.”

The Parkland survivors later indicated that Kelly’s refusal to voice any commitment for gun control measures had successfully convinced them they were indeed speaking to the president.​

https://politics.theonion.com/john-kelly-struggles-to-maintain-believable-trump-impre-1823277312

 

[DrLove]

Sociopathic Meat Goblin? Fugelsang is really funny - thanks for that!