John Kelly struggles to maintain Trump impersonation during phone calls to Parkland survivors

Discussion in 'Political Satire' started by DrLove, Feb 24, 2018.

  1. DrLove
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    DrLove Gold Member

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    Poor guy :laugh:

    WASHINGTON—Finding it difficult to refrain from basic human compassion and instead make everything about himself in the face of horrible tragedy, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly struggled Friday to maintain a believable Trump impression during phone calls with the teenage survivors of the mass shooting in Parkland, FL, administration sources confirmed.

    “This was a bad dude, a really bad dude, and, uh, we’re going to win, and it’s going to be unbelievable,” said the retired four-star Marine Corps general whose adherence to Trump’s unrefined speech patterns, 160-word vocabulary, and erratic vocal cadence was undercut by his inability to fully capture the commander in chief’s meandering, self-centered arrogance. “My heart truly breaks for you and all who have suffered—uh, no, I mean—what a huge thrill it must be for you to get to talk to me.”

    The Parkland survivors later indicated that Kelly’s refusal to voice any commitment for gun control measures had successfully convinced them they were indeed speaking to the president.​

    https://politics.theonion.com/john-kelly-struggles-to-maintain-believable-trump-impre-1823277312
     
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  2. Lastamender
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    Lastamender Gold Member

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    The Onion is satire, you dumbass.
     
  3. DrLove
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    DrLove Gold Member

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    And where did I post it --- DUMBERass? :)
     
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  4. Lastamender
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    Lastamender Gold Member

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    My mistake. See how easy that was?
     
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  5. JakeStarkey
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    JakeStarkey Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    Kelly has had very poor crisis operator training.
     
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  6. Lastamender
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    Lastamender Gold Member

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    Most Marine generals do. You are an idiot.
     
  7. DrLove
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    DrLove Gold Member

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    Wonder who's gonna win the war between Kelly and Kushner. My money on Little Jared.
     
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  8. JakeStarkey
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    JakeStarkey Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    The Alt Righties, like you, brought up the nonsense of crisis operators. So you are going to have to suck on it.
     
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  9. Lastamender
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    Lastamender Gold Member

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    I am not alt right, you are a liar. Carry on.
     
  10. JakeStarkey
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    JakeStarkey Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    The first thing RT teach alt right operators is to deny they are alt right.
     
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