Jesus Returns?

[BluePhantom]

So a nun is in the confessional and says to the priest: "Father, I have news. I am pregnant and I am sure it is the second coming"

The priest explodes with joy and says: "Sister what fantastic news! We must let the world know that the Messiah is returning. How can we convince people that it is truly the second coming?"

The nun says: "well it must be. I swallowed the first."

 

[uscitizen]

Not even deserving of a groan.

 

[Douger]

So a nun is in the confessional and says to the priest: "Father, I have news. I am pregnant and I am sure it is the second coming"

The priest explodes with joy and says: "Sister what fantastic news! We must let the world know that the Messiah is returning. How can we convince people that it is truly the second coming?"

The nun says: "well it must be. I swallowed the first."

Do you have a phone number ?

 

[waltky]

Granny says, "Dat's right - Jesus comin' back soon...

Restoration of Jesus' tomb is completed
March 21, 2017 - The tomb is in a cave below a shrine housed in Jerusalem's Church of the Holy Sepulchre.

A Greek team announced the finish to the restoration of the tomb of Jesus, a $4 million project in Jerusalem which took nearly a year to complete. The site is a cave where Roman Catholics and Orthodox Catholics believe Jesus was entombed and then was resurrected. It lies beneath a shrine called the Edicule, which itself is surrounded by the 12-century Church of the Holy Sepulchre in the Christian Quarter of Jerusalem's Old City. The restoration included the cleaning and reinforcing of the limestone and marble Edicule and the removal of an iron cage installed in 1947 to shore up its walls. The shrine was restored once before, in 1810 after an 1807 fire, and has not been improved since.

The renovated Edicule, traditionally believed to be the tomb of Jesus, is seen in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem's Old City, on Tuesday. A Greek restoration team has completed a historic renovation of the Edicule, the shrine believed to be the cave where Jesus was buried and rose to heaven.​

The project was led by the National Technical University of Athens and was announced completed on Monday. The restoration team removed hundreds of years of candle soot, as well as marble slabs encasing a stone bench where believers say Jesus' body was placed after his crucifixion and death. One slab was installed by the emperor Constantine when the first church on the site was built; another was from the late-Crusader era in the 14th century. "It was really important to see the bench, very flat and almost complete, from the right to the left, almost for the shape of one man [who] can stay on it," said Eugenio Alliata, an Italian archaeologist. "This was really something very important. And it was the first time it has been documented as it is."

A Greek Orthodox priest stands at the entrance to the renovated Edicule, traditionally believed to be the tomb of Jesus, in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem's Old City on Tuesday. A Greek restoration team completed a historic renovation of the Edicule, the shrine believed to be the cave where Jesus was buried and rose to heaven.​

The funders for the project included Jordan's King Abdullah and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas. "I would venture to say that if this intervention hadn't happened now, there was a very great risk that there could have been a collapse," said Bonnie Burnham of the World Monuments Fund, a New York-based non-profit organization which also raised funds for the project.

Restoration of Jesus' tomb is completed

See also:

Newly restored shrine at Jesus’ tomb unveiled
Thu, Mar 23, 2017 - The newly restored shrine surrounding what is believed to be Jesus’ tomb was unveiled yesterday at a ceremony in Jerusalem following months of delicate work.

Religious leaders opened the ceremony at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, built at the site where Christians believe Jesus was crucified and buried. They stood in front of the 19th-century edicule surrounding the tomb as hymns were sung. Dignitaries including Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras were in attendance. Greek Orthodox Patriarch Theo-philos III of Jerusalem, in his address to the ceremony, called the restoration “not only a gift to our Holy Land, but to the whole world.” “For the first time in over two centuries, this sacred edicule has been restored,” he said, referring to the shrine built in 1810 surrounding the tomb. The shrine is a key part of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem’s Old City.

The church is in Israeli-occupied east Jerusalem, which the Palestinians see as the capital of their future state, and the shrine was briefly closed by Israeli authorities in 2015 over security fears. Centuries of candle smoke and visiting pilgrims had left the shrine discolored and almost black. Parts of it were also coming loose, with warnings that it was structurally unsound and posed a risk to the millions of pilgrims who visit the site every year. Following a US$3.7 million renovation led by the church’s three main Christian denominations, the tomb has been painstakingly restored to its former glory — including a warm reddish-yellow coloring. “Before this, the monument was black,” chief renovator Antonia Moropoulou said. “This is the actual color of the monument, the color of hope,” she said.

A picture taken on Tuesday at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in the Old City of Jerusalem shows the renovated edicule of the tomb of Jesus.​

Unlike other parts of the church, which were renovated between the 1960s and 1990s, the edicule had been neglected. Moropoulou said that restorers had systematically dismantled, cleaned and renovated almost all of the edicule, including the columns and upper and inner domes. A window has been installed to allow pilgrims to see the bare stone of the ancient burial cave for the first time. The new structural integrity means a protective cage installed 70 years ago by the British is no longer necessary. “The deformations of the holy edicule are addressed and the structural integrity is assured,” Moropoulou said.

Samuel Aghoyan, the superior of the Armenian Church at the Sepulchre, which cofinanced the project, said that after the renovation the edicule looked “like a brand new building.” In October last year, perhaps the most dramatic moment in the renovation occurred when the cave thought to be the tomb of Jesus was opened for the first time in centuries. Marble slabs were removed to allow for the chamber’s reinforcement. They found a top slab dating from the era of the Crusades, indicating that the tomb had not been opened for 700 years, Moropoulou said.

Underneath they found another from the era of Constantine the Great, the emperor who began the Roman empire’s transition to Christianity in 4AD. “When we opened the slabs we discovered within the internal masonry all the layers of history — from Constantinian to Byzantine, to Crusaders to Renaissance,” Moropoulou said. Whether the site is indeed the place of Jesus’ burial has long been a matter of dispute. Some Christians believe he was buried in the Garden Tomb, outside the walls of Jerusalem’s Old City, but Moropoulou said their findings supported the Sepulchre as the location.

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[JohnnyApplesack]

So a nun is in the confessional and says to the priest: "Father, I have news. I am pregnant and I am sure it is the second coming"

The priest explodes with joy and says: "Sister what fantastic news! We must let the world know that the Messiah is returning. How can we convince people that it is truly the second coming?"

The nun says: "well it must be. I swallowed the first."

this post will get you a 1,000 millennia sentence in a burning pit of feces with Richard Simmons

bad call

 

[Rambunctious]

Holy Cow!

 

[Muhammed]

What is white, sticky and slimy and falls from the sky?

Spoiler

The cumming of the Lord.[\spoiler]