Jay Leno disses kerry

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Merlin1047, Aug 3, 2004.

  1. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Don't know if this is the most appropriate forum for this thread, but since it applies to the election and since we can all probably use a little giggle, I figured what the heck. Apparently Jay Leno is getting on kerry's case a bit.
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    The Secret Service has announced it is doubling
    its protection for John Kerry. You can understand
    why - with two positions on every issue, he has
    twice as many people mad at him." -Jay Leno

    "We make jokes about it but the truth is this
    presidential election really offers us a choice of two
    well-informed opposing positions on every issue. OK,
    they both belong to John Kerry, but they're still> there." -Jay Leno

    "John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right
    shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly
    switched positions on Iraq." -Craig Kilborn

    "President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You
    know what John Kerry calls someone who earns
    $822,000? Not even worth dating." -Jay Leno

    "Well the good news for Democrats, now over half
    the country can identify a picture of John Kerry.
    The bad news, the majority still thinks he's the
    dad from The Munsters." -Jay Leno

    "John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to
    the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who
    just marries them." -Jay Leno

    "They say John Kerry is the first Democratic
    presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million
    in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He
    once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'" -Jay
    Leno

    "Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe
    out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan. He's
    going to put it on his wife's Gold Card
     
  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    :clap1: :laugh: :clap1:
     
  3. Bonnie
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    Bonnie Senior Member

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    :D

    didn't Leno also raise questions about Kerry's comedic talents by showing Kerry bombing at a joke he told at his latest rally???
     
  4. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Rats! Sorry I missed that. Watching Lurch trying to be funny would be worthwhile.
     
  5. TheOne
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    Those are pretty funny. Here's some more, and these are all Leno. I like Letterman better though, but the post would be too long if I included some of his jokes.

    "Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said, 'No, I'm keeping him on the ticket.'" —Jay Leno

    "Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch — the environment hurting Bush." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to testify before the 9/11 commission. I guess right now they're finalizing the seating arrangements. Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?" —Jay Leno

    "President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out." —Jay Leno

    We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no income tax this year." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think about it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the eight months of vacation every year." —Jay Leno

    "The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and 'American Idol?' See, on 'American Idol,' the one with the most votes wins." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him 'sir' instead of 'Mr. President.' Man, how upset is he going to be after the election when they start calling him George again?" —Jay Leno

    "Not only will Condoleezza Rice testify, but President Bush has also agreed to meet with the (9/11) commission. He's going to testify, but he said he wants have Dick Cheney there with him. Why does he want Cheney with him? What? Does he have a learner's permit to be president and have to have an adult with him." —Jay Leno

    "They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing American jobs anymore, he's branching out to other countries." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

    "John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot." —Jay Leno

    "President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'" —Jay Leno

    "President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme — 'Safer, Stronger, and Tested.' Isn't that a condom ad?" —Jay Leno
     
  6. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Well, the Kerry jokes were damn funny. But these Bush jokes - I'm not sure, but they may be un-American.

    :teeth:
     
  7. LoneVoice
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    Both are very funny!
     

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