I've joined the Jehovah's Witness Protection program

[Barb]

My religion does not allow the placement of no tresspassing signs.

We also do not allow fountains to be turned on after noon on Wednesdays, nor do we allow yellow flowers.

How about a chalk outline of a body, and some religious tracts lying around sprinkled with hot sauce?

Only white chalk can be used...unless there is visible blood on the body.

Then we require spray paint. Color doesn't matter.

Is crime scene tape allowed?

 

[Gatekeeper]

I have always wanted to hook up a sprinkler system with a remote control on/off system to my front porch.

Door bell rings, I look to see who it is, and push the ON button!

And what would be even better would be that it wouldn't sprinkle water, but rather URINE!

Or 10 tons of Liquid Manure.......................Crappy idea but.............

BBC News | UK | Farmer ends manure protest