Mr. P
VIP Member
NOAH'S ARK 2005
Have a good laugh and remember "how true it is"
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
the
United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become
wicked and
overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build
another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build
the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in
his
yard, but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the
Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I
needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the
need for
a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted
for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the
sea would
be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting
local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal
rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their
will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was
cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on
how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is
checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to
work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me
to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going
to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Have a good laugh and remember "how true it is"
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
the
United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become
wicked and
overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build
another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build
the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in
his
yard, but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the
Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I
needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the
need for
a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted
for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the
sea would
be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting
local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal
rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their
will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was
cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on
how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is
checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to
work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me
to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going
to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
