"It is not your fault, and you are completely responsible for your actions."

[Coloradomtnman]

You got it, mtnman. No one is to blame, and everyone is responsible.

Your example reminds me of something I've been studying for months called 'trauma bonding'. It's also called Stockholm Syndrome--based on what happened when bank robbers held bank employees as hostages for five days.

The hostages were terrorized and threatened with death daily. At the same time, the robbers showed little kindnesses each day--which caused the hostages to bond with their captors.

When the ordeal was over--hostages and captors parted with hugs and tears. Two of the women hostages corresponded with their perpetrators for ten years, and later married them. These women were not stupid, nor did they have bad childhoods--yet this is the result of the experience of living in terrorized captivity.

This is a reason why some people are unable to leave an abusive situation and continue to recreate the same kind of relationship with others.

Trauma bonding.

I've been reading that book for months and it makes me so pissed off I throw it across the room every time I pick it up!

You know, on the positive side, it works the other way:

My best friend and I climb together. We've nearly died a few times, and been in lots of dangerous situations. We've saved eachothers' lives as well. Where we live, he and I are well known for how close and strong a friendship we have. Our friend, Beth, calls us "soul brothers" (as in soul mates but not homosexual). In fact, I don't know anyone with as strong a friendship as ours, beyond only a few married couples (you know the kind: they really are going to stay together forever). Other than to my girlfriend of two years, I have I never had a bond to someone as strong I do with him.

But, I wonder what the statistics are on positive trauma bonds?

 

[AllieBaba]

You've asked me not to answer your question. Go back and read your own post, Allie.

No, I said I didn't expect an answer.

And I didn't get one.

 

[AllieBaba]

In the case of the meth addict. He is responsible for his actions. If he commits a crime in pursuit of his addiction, then he has to face the consequences. Using meth is illegal. Selling it is illegal.

Is he really to blame? He's addicted. He's sick. The nature of addiction and compulsive behavior is a lack of control.

Can you see the distinction?

It's tricky because our entire criminal penal system is based on shame and blame--rather than just looking at the truth of how things are, and addressing the consequences of behavior.

Shame and blame are heavy. Responsibility literally means the ability to respond. It's much easier to address addiction without adding shame and blame to the equation.

Good lord, you did answer it. ! High Five for the dimwit.

However, there IS NO FUCKING DISTINCTION between BLAME and RESPONSIBILITY. If you accept responsibility for your behavior, you accept the blame. If responsibility is found to be yours, then you are to blame.

Let's look at this through Dictionary.com. I encourage nitwits everywhere to refer to the definition of words before they head off to lala land for feel-good nothingisms for topics which are ..... painful .... for them to consider.

blame [ blaym ]


transitive verb (past and past participle blamed, present participle blam·ing, 3rd person present singular blames)

Definition:
1. consider somebody responsible: to consider somebody to be responsible for something wrong or unfortunate that has happened

re·spon·si·ble [ ri spónssəb'l ]

adjective

Definition:

1. answerable to somebody: accountable to somebody for an action or for the successful carrying out of a duty
Jo was responsible for that phase of the project.


2. being to blame for something: being the cause of something, usually something wrong or disapproved of

responsible definition - Dictionary - MSN Encarta

What a vapid piece of work you are. No offense. One can be vapid and still enjoy clarity of mind...in your world.

 

[catzmeow]

What a vapid piece of work you are. No offense.

I'm sure she won't be offended by this, LOL.

 

[editec]

The difference between blame and responsibility is one of POV.

One assigns BLAME when one feels that the person who is responsible failed to take the steps a reasonable person should have taken to prevent an outcome.



I take responsibility for what I do, but I assign BLAME for the actions I took (or didn't take) ONLY for those outcomes that I could have and SHOULD have been able to prevent.

Basically it's like the difference between an excuse and and explanation, don't you think?

 

[catzmeow]

The difference between blame and responsibility is one of POV.

One assigns BLAME when one feels that the person who is responsible failed to take the steps a reasonable person should have taken to prevent an outcome.



I take responsibility for what I do, but I assign BLAME for the actions I took (or didn't take) ONLY for those outcomes that I could have and SHOULD have been able to prevent.

Basically it's like the difference between an excuse and and explanation, don't you think?

I disagree, but perhaps we are doomed to only agree in the realms of food and the pledge of allegience/national anthem.

I think blame has gotten a bad rap during the self-absorbed baby boomers in therapy era.

 

[AllieBaba]

Blame and responsibility are the same thing, except one is an adjective, and one is a transitive verb.

You can psychoanalyze it all you want, but that's the way it is.

 

[Amanda]

Is it true? Can you hold these two seemingly contradictory thoughts in your mind? What are the implications of being responsible (completely capable of responding) for your actions yet not locked in a prison of self-blame?

Your thoughts.....

Another way of putting this is, "You are fine, and there is no blame." How would your life be different if you had absolute confidence right now that everything was going to be ok?

You can't always say it's not your fault, sometimes it is and if you don't acknowledge that you can't learn from it. Negative experiences are great teachers. If we don't acknowledge our role in creating a negative experience we will continue to create the same kind over and over. That's very needless suffering, IMO.

 

[KittenKoder]

The problem with blame is that it rarely results in actions to correct the problems, instead people will just keep blaming everyone for anything they can and nothing ever gets done as a result.

 

[Sky Dancer]

"The everyday practice is simply to develop a complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions, and to all people, experiencing everything totally without mental reservations and blockages, so that one never withdraws or centralizes onto oneself.

This produces a tremendous energy which is usually locked up in the process of mental evasion and generally running away from life experiences.

Clarity of awareness may in its initial stages be unpleasant or fear-inspiring; if so, then one should open oneself completely to the pain or the fear and welcome it. In this way the barriers created by one's own habitual emotional reactions and prejudices are broken down."

Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche