Is your child a Goth? (funny!)

[Dan]

Hopefully, I'm not offending anyone, but this is hilarious. It starts out well enough, but once it gets further down, it really goes off the deep end. Check out the cereal one, that's my favorite.


If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if
your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic
(or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to
participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into
an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence.
Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of
Satan's temptations if five or more of the following
are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or
nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of
these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams,
pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping
symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ,
and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard
any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities,
such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires,
magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that
involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of
self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses
pain to detract from the light of God and His love.
Please seek immediate attention for this at your local
mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This
pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light
is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that
your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while
unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns
and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an
example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking
blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan.
This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs
that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a
role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes
time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to
music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include:
Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and
Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains
these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe
is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please
intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous
and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems
persist, enlist your child into your local mental
health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

 

[GotZoom]

Hopefully, I'm not offending anyone, but this is hilarious. It starts out well enough, but once it gets further down, it really goes off the deep end. Check out the cereal one, that's my favorite.


If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if
your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic
(or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to
participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into
an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence.
Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of
Satan's temptations if five or more of the following
are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or
nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of
these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams,
pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping
symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ,
and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard
any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities,
such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires,
magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that
involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of
self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses
pain to detract from the light of God and His love.
Please seek immediate attention for this at your local
mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This
pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light
is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that
your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while
unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns
and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an
example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking
blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan.
This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs
that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a
role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes
time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to
music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates -- NO COMMENT
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include:
Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and
Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains
these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe
is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please
intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous
and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems
persist, enlist your child into your local mental
health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

OMG - 10 (maybe 11; I'll never tell).

I"M A GOTH!

 

[Dan]

Yeah, here's the ones that apply to me...

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities,
such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that
your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while
unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns
and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an
example of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs
that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a
role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes
time for the computer.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include:
Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and
Buddhism. (I'm interested in philosophy, which isn't a religion, BTW)


I'm a full-on goth, I guess.

 

[GotZoom]

Yeah, here's the ones that apply to me...

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities,
such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that
your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while
unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns
and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an
example of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs
that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a
role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes
time for the computer.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include:
Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and
Buddhism. (I'm interested in philosophy, which isn't a religion, BTW)


I'm a full-on goth, I guess.

I feel better now. Your list has much more than 10 (11).

Whew....

 

[Dan]

Aside from listening to some Marilyn Manson and H.I.M., there's nothing goth about me whatsoever.

 

[gaffer]

Five or more would apply to every teenager since the 50's.

And everyone of any other age as well.

Drinking beer makes you goth?

 

[Dan]

Five or more would apply to every teenager since the 50's.

This is true. Some of them apply to every child ever. Then they have some like this:

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking
blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan.
This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

If you KNOW you're kid is drinking blood, aren't you past the point of "is my kid a goth?" to "my kid is definitely a psycho!" It's funny that goths (well, the average goth these days, anyway) are probably the most passive groups of people out there.

I also like that, after all these things, here's a definite way to tell if your kid is a goth:

-Claims to be a goth.

I wonder if this thing is real, it really cracks me up every time I read it.

 

[Shattered]

Ahem.

<b>16</b>. I'm SUCH a bad child.

 

[no1tovote4]

Um, Buddhism is a "Cult" religion?

 

[Dan]

Yep, so is philosophy!

 

[Trinity]

Damn I never realized I was among so many Goths, and dad I think you have some explaining to do! :teeth:

 

[no1tovote4]

Hopefully, I'm not offending anyone, but this is hilarious. It starts out well enough, but once it gets further down, it really goes off the deep end. Check out the cereal one, that's my favorite.


If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if
your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic
(or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to
participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into
an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence.
Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of
Satan's temptations if five or more of the following
are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ,
and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard
any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities,
such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Complains of boredom.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that
your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while
unaccompanied by an adult.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs
that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a
role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes
time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to
music.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include:
Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and
Buddhism.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please
intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous
and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems
persist, enlist your child into your local mental
health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

Wow, listed above are the ones that apply now (there's 18). There were even more while I was a teen. I have never been Goth, but heck this would have caused a hernia in my mother!

They really think that becoming Buddhist turned me Goth? I can't figure this one out...

 

[5stringJeff]

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping
symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love.
Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) (Never mind that one can also spend time alone praying to God, reading the Bible, etc.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home. (How do you think my wife got pregnant!?)
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. (Note: is this: the Satanic symbol?!? I thought it just meant to rock on!
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex. (Again, pregnant wife...)
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

So that's 10 for me... I'm the only Christian Goth I know!

Seriously, though, there are some Goths who really do fall into Satanism and/or Wicca, so it's a serious topic. But this list is trash. Cable TV? and Count Chocula!! :rotflmao: