Is There NEVER a Time to Hit a Woman? NEVER?

[BluePhantom]

I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.

In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.

After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.

The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.

I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.

So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.

I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.

I welcome your thoughts.

 

[G.T.]

i dunn believe you bro

nuttin personal tho

 

[BluePhantom]

i dunn believe you bro

nuttin personal tho

Because women are so so angelic that they are incapable of attacking men? Your response is exactly why men don't report it when they have been abused.

 

[Care4all]

Hitting her would reduce you to her level, and escalate the violence or her trying to hurt you even more, imo leaving would be the right thing to do, which you eventually did.

Also, getting her help....she is obviously not stable, something is wrong upstairs and she needs or needed, professional help....

 

[Sun Devil 92]

We have a friend whose wife throws him around and whacks him from time to time.

I don't think he strikes her back.

However, it is more cultural.....

I don't think she has threatened him.

 

[G.T.]

i dunn believe you bro

nuttin personal tho

Because women are so so angelic that they are incapable of attacking men? Your response is exactly why men don't report it when they have been abused.

nah...
cuz thats attempted murder and most leo's arent that incompetent to not address it as such.

 

[pillars]

I think that if women don't want to be punched, they shouldn't punch people. I understand that men are stronger, in many cases a lot stronger, but I am familiar with many women who have been violent towards men or who initiate hitting or punching the guy while expecting him not to hit back.

I think that's bullshit.

But I have to agree with GT that something is off about BP's story. I smell a strong smell of bullshit.

 

[BluePhantom]

Hitting her would reduce you to her level, and escalate the violence or her trying to hurt you even more, imo leaving would be the right thing to do, which you eventually did.

Also, getting her help....she is obviously not stable, something is wrong upstairs and she needs or needed, professional help....

I won the court case because of the witness and was granted total custody of my daughter. At the hearing her attorney said it was impossible for a woman to abuse a man and the judge (who was was a woman) invited her to take a tour of the state prisons that were filled with women who attacked men.

I told my ex at the hearing that if she could get a psychiatrist to sign off that she was safe to be around our daughter that I would grant her visitation. She never did.

 

[BluePhantom]

i dunn believe you bro

nuttin personal tho

Because women are so so angelic that they are incapable of attacking men? Your response is exactly why men don't report it when they have been abused.

nah...
cuz thats attempted murder and most leo's arent that incompetent to not address it as such.

Yeah...prove it. Like to cops said. She had marks and I didn't. They threatened to arrest ME dude.

 

[ChrisL]

I would hope that I would have left a person long before it escalated into a situation like that. Geesh! Thankfully nobody has ever tried to kill me before is all I can say.

 

[BluePhantom]

I think that if women don't want to be punched, they shouldn't punch people. I understand that men are stronger, in many cases a lot stronger, but I am familiar with many women who have been violent towards men or who initiate hitting or punching the guy while expecting him not to hit back.

I think that's bullshit.

But I have to agree with GT that something is off about BP's story. I smell a strong smell of bullshit.

Feel free to ask TrinityPower. She knows the entire story and even met the girl I am referring to several years later.

BTW...reactions like that really annoy me. Steve McNair...killed by a psycho girlfriend. Fred lane...killed by a psycho wife. It happens more than you think. Your reaction is a contributing factor to why men are reluctant to admit they have been abused. People either call them pussies or say they don't believe it. If a woman claimed to be abused everyone would go out of their way to display compassion and anger toward her abuser. If a man claims it, he is a liar. Reactions like that are part of the problem

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.

In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.

After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.

The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.

I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.

So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.

I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.

I welcome your thoughts.

I'm thinking thank God you are alive and your daughter is alive and you had to do whatever you had to do to stop her, Phantom! Come on now! You saved your daughters life is what you did and I thank God she is with you and not this woman that was clearly a danger to you, your daughter and herself. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say but I think you should have called the police and reported her the first time she put her hands on you. She had no right to physically attack you. The statue throwing? She could have killed you. It's very serious. I am sorry you endured such a terrible thing and I'm glad to hear you made it out and have custody of your child. That is truly God looking out for you.

If you should ever find yourself in a relationship where a woman throws something at you or physically attacks you? Call the police on her and do not be ashamed to make the report. You'll be doing her a favor because she will realize she can not do that to a man and get away with it.

 

[BluePhantom]

I would hope that I would have left a person long before it escalated into a situation like that. Geesh! Thankfully nobody has ever tried to kill me before is all I can say.

And leave your child in a psychopath's custody?

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.

In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.

After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.

The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.

I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.

So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.

I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.

I welcome your thoughts.

You aint alone.
She never tried to kill me but she had a violent streak from a previous marriage because he used to beat the shit out of her....he was a cop by the way.
Over time I got sick of it and told her if you do it again I'll call the cops because I wont hit you.
Of course it happened again and I called the cops and told them if they didnt get here soon I was going to knock the shit out of her.
Cops showed up and they told her they'd take her to jail normally but they were going to cut her some slack because I insisted.
She never raised her hand against me again...that was over 22 years ago and we just hit our 25 anniversary and couldnt be happier.
She thanked me for calling the cops on her.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I think that if women don't want to be punched, they shouldn't punch people. I understand that men are stronger, in many cases a lot stronger, but I am familiar with many women who have been violent towards men or who initiate hitting or punching the guy while expecting him not to hit back.

I think that's bullshit.

But I have to agree with GT that something is off about BP's story. I smell a strong smell of bullshit.

Feel free to ask TrinityPower. She knows the entire story and even met the girl I am referring to several years later.

BTW...reactions like that really annoy me. Steve McNair...killed by a psycho girlfriend. Fred lane...killed by a psycho wife. It happens more than you think. Your reaction is a contributing factor to why men are reluctant to admit they have been abused. People either call them pussies or say they don't believe it. If a woman claimed to be abused everyone would go out of their way to display compassion and anger toward her abuser. If a man claims it, he is a liar. Reactions like that are part of the problem

I should have mentioned this also - I am very proud of you. I truly am impressed by your strength, BluePhantom. It is not easy to tell a story in which you are the victim - I know this because it is never easy for me to share my own stories. Yet you decided to do it and by doing so I believe you are helping some guys here who may know someone or be victims of this type of abuse themselves! You've done a very good thing in sharing your story and I appreciate your willingness to put yourself out there for others. I respect you for what you've done and I think it is wonderful that you are raising your daughter! I'm very proud of you!!

 

[BluePhantom]

I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.

In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.

After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.

The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.

I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.

So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.

I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.

I welcome your thoughts.

I'm thinking thank God you are alive and your daughter is alive and you had to do whatever you had to do to stop her, Phantom! Come on now! You saved your daughters life is what you did and I thank God she is with you and not this woman that was clearly a danger to you, your daughter and herself. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say but I think you should have called the police and reported her the first time she put her hands on you. She had no right to physically attack you. The statue throwing? She could have killed you. It's very serious. I am sorry you endured such a terrible thing and I'm glad to hear you made it out and have custody of your child. That is truly God looking out for you.

If you should ever find yourself in a relationship where a woman throws something at you or physically attacks you? Call the police on her and do not be ashamed to make the report. You'll be doing her a favor because she will realize she can not do that to a man and get away with it.

I thank you for your sentiments and actually taking it seriously (unlike some others who apparently think women cannot abuse men) but you are missing something important. This was 20 years ago. My daughter is 21 now. Back then I had very little chance of saving my daughter if I didn't have a witness to prove my girlfriend's abusiveness. I DID call the police. They threatened to arrest ME. It was a different time back then but judging by some people's reactions to my OP...maybe things haven't changed so much.

 

[ChrisL]

I would hope that I would have left a person long before it escalated into a situation like that. Geesh! Thankfully nobody has ever tried to kill me before is all I can say.

And leave your child in a psychopath's custody?

Did you not know this person was a psychopath before you impregnated her?

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.

In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.

After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.

The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.

I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.

So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.

I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.

I welcome your thoughts.

You aint alone.
She never tried to kill me but she had a violent streak from a previous marriage because he used to beat the shit out of her....he was a cop by the way.
Over time I got sick of it and told her if you do it again I'll call the cops because I wont hit you.
Of course it happened again and I called the cops and told them if they didnt get here soon I was going to knock the shit out of her.
Cops showed up and they told her they'd take her to jail normally but they were going to cut her some slack because I insisted.
She never raised her hand against me again...that was over 22 years ago and we just hit our 25 anniversary and couldnt be happier.
She thanked me for calling the cops on her.

There is no faster wake up call then to call the police and report them. I'm glad to see that she woke up and realized that wasn't the way to communicate with you. You both won.

 

[Care4all]

I would hope that I would have left a person long before it escalated into a situation like that. Geesh! Thankfully nobody has ever tried to kill me before is all I can say.

And leave your child in a psychopath's custody?

Did you not know this person was a psychopath before you impregnated her?

Postpartum depression/psychosis ....she needed help...just like Andrea Yates... it happened right after the baby, she was normal before the baby he said....so that's my guess....

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.

In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.

After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.

The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.

I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.

So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.

I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.

I welcome your thoughts.

I'm thinking thank God you are alive and your daughter is alive and you had to do whatever you had to do to stop her, Phantom! Come on now! You saved your daughters life is what you did and I thank God she is with you and not this woman that was clearly a danger to you, your daughter and herself. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say but I think you should have called the police and reported her the first time she put her hands on you. She had no right to physically attack you. The statue throwing? She could have killed you. It's very serious. I am sorry you endured such a terrible thing and I'm glad to hear you made it out and have custody of your child. That is truly God looking out for you.

If you should ever find yourself in a relationship where a woman throws something at you or physically attacks you? Call the police on her and do not be ashamed to make the report. You'll be doing her a favor because she will realize she can not do that to a man and get away with it.

I thank you for your sentiments and actually taking it seriously (unlike some others who apparently think women cannot abuse men) but you are missing something important. This was 20 years ago. My daughter is 21 now. Back then I had very little chance of saving my daughter if I didn't have a witness to prove my girlfriend's abusiveness. I DID call the police. They threatened to arrest ME. It was a different time back then but judging by some people's reactions to my OP...maybe things haven't changed so much.

You know what? You're right! I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about that but after I posted the first response it did occur to me that by you suffering through it as you did you were very careful in not missing the opportunity (when it came) to gain custody of your daughter! Also the laws were not the same as they are today. Women got away with a lot of things because they were women! And they almost ALWAYS got custody of the child whether they were fit or not!

After hearing your story? I really respect you and feel I misjudged you in earlier times when we clashed. I apologise to you for that, BluePhantom. You've really been through it and you're still standing! I know God saw you through it because he knew your heart and your love for your child. I'm sure your daughter is very grateful to have you for her father. She is blessed.