Important Lesson from My Dad's Passing

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by CrusaderFrank, Feb 10, 2011.

  1. CrusaderFrank
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    CrusaderFrank Diamond Member

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    My Dad was a WWII Navy Vet and passed away on the anniversary of the final decommissioning of his beloved CV-19 of which he was a plank owner. I had posted a notice in the "My Dad Voted today" thread as a capstone to the life of a truly great American but wanted to highlight an extremely important takeaway

    Many people came forward to pay their respects including a childhood friend who took a day off from his new position at Google in CA to catch a redeye for the funeral. We received so many cards and emails and phone calls from people who said how much my Dad had influenced them.

    While going over some of the letters with my Mom, she made the comment, "Do you know how much it would have meant to him to hear this while he was alive?" And there's the takeaway. If you have something to say, don't wait! They can't hear you at their funeral!

    Another childhood friend who also lost her Dad to cancer gave me a strategy for dealing with this. She wrote a eulogy to her father and read it to him while he was still alive so he would know how much she meant to him.

    I didn't do that, but over the course of several conversations, some in the hospital and some at home, I let my Dad know how I felt about him.

    I'm letting people know how I feel both good and not so good --and some like to hear and others don't.

    C'est la vie!
     
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  2. High_Gravity
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    High_Gravity Belligerent Drunk Supporting Member

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    I am sorry for your loss.
     
  3. Sallow
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    Sallow The Big Bad Wolf. Supporting Member

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    It's rough to lose your father. Been there..and it was agonizing. I remember you did another thread on this as well. Seems like he was a very special indivdual.
     
  4. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    I am truely sorry for your lots.
     
  5. peach174
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    peach174 Gold Member Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    Yes very good advise. I learned that lesson when my Dad passed away,I was 15 yrs old.
    I hugged him and told him I loved him and then me and my Mom left the hospital that night. The next morning he had his heart operation and died in the recovery room. That was in 1968.
    I am so glad I told him how much I loved him and that he knew it before he passed.
     
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  6. LadyGunSlinger
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    LadyGunSlinger Conservative Babe Supporting Member

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    I'm truly sorry for your enormous loss. I lost my mom a couple of years ago and my brother just a few short months back. I think you give sage advice and are very wise. Your father sounds like the most honorable of men, worthy of tribute and respect. God bless your family at this time of mourning and to your father- "Fly free angel, fly free."
     
  7. Big Black Dog
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    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

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    I was fortunate enough to be able to sit with my father and have a long talk with him just a few hours before he died. I am very glad that I was able to do that.
     
  8. Mr. H.
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    Mr. H. Diamond Member

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    Very poignant post CF. :thup:
    Never got to say goodbye to my pop either. he just went to work and didn't come back.
    I do visit his grave each year.
     
  9. Anachronism
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    Anachronism BANNED

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    My most sincere and humble condolences for your loss.

    I understand exactly where you're coming from. I lost my father to Cancer almost ten years ago (8/22/01). Standing in that receiving line at the wake, I had the opportunity to meet a large number of the students he had taught, teacher he had taught with, and other people who had known him in ways that I never had. We all get a different view of everyone around us. Even as you grew up in the same home with your parents, your siblings probably have a different view of them than you do.

    Thankfully, both of my brothers and I had the opportunity to sit down with my father (individually) and to say our goodbyes. My chance came a mere three days before he passed on. We sat there in the living room of the house we had built as a family more than a decade before and both said a lot of things that we really needed to say but had never before found the necessity to. We cleared a lot of air in the two hours or so that we say there. I lot of bad feelings and old wounds were washed away, on both sides.

    They say that the key to a healthy marriage is never going to sleep angry. I would suggest that the key to never having to wish you had one more moment to say something to a loved one is.... Never leave their presence without telling them you love them and truly meaning it.

    When we mourn, it is not for the soul of the one we love but for ourselves, since we will not have the chance to have them in our lives any more. It is the memories of the good times that get us through those dark days.
     
  10. boedicca
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    boedicca Uppity Water Nymph Supporting Member

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    My condolences as well. And thank you for thinking about the rest of us while you are mourning your dad.

    Hugs.
     

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