dmp
Senior Member
Damn Atkins...Damn Fat...Damn Carbohydrates...I'm suffering because I too often induldged years ago. Now I pay the price. I walk PAST the donuts; that's a lie. I FLEE the donuts and cakes and tortilla chips and salsa. I have to evacuate myself from these things. The desire for me to consume the maple log donut burns from within. I'm drawn to the apple fritter as something which really wants something which could kill it. As I skamper away from the brownie, my soul ACHES. I can literally FEEL my 'heart' (desire) wanting, no, proding me to turn around and consume the treat. I use my mind in an attempt to quell the hunger. I tell myself masticating upon the chimichanga will fill a temporary void - fuel a fleeting fire. Upon consumption - not immediately, but perhaps days or years later, I will gaze upon my ever-growing reflection and become nausiated. I will wonder what the hell happened to me. I'll step on the scale and watch the numbers climb - 180, 200, 210, 220, 225, 230, 240, 275! or MORE!. The distain I'll have for my body will be LARGER than the pain I feel by leaving those helpless, innocent, ripe, juicy confections.
"Just drink a BIG glass full of water! That'll fix your hunger!" I remind. However, I'm NOT hungry. It's not physical hunger that compells me to partake. It's emotional craving. It's the endorphines which form as my mouth sits upon icing for a brief second, before penetrating the surface with a slight 'tug' against the top of the pastry. It's about the sweet reward of jelly or creme or sweetened apples EXPLODING onto my tastebuds as I eat. It's about the feeling of want -> desire -> Gratification.
Psychologists would tell me I've got Mother-issues, perhaps. Liberals would demand I wage war against the donut makers; as the enablers of Obesity.
All I know...well...not 'ALL"...but Most of what I feel right this very second demands my returning to the break room, and gorging myself. Anythign to stop the pain.
Years from now, I may look back upon this moment and giggle. Years from now I'll be a svelte 190lbs (still 20lbs over weight according to the 'charts'), and I'll be able to indulge in a one-time, or infrequent donut. I must not let my guard down, however. For me, it has to be a complete lifestyle choice to 'not' over-eat. It's a hard choice...but If I want to be free to remove my shirt in the company of others, for ANY reason, I have to continue on this choice...the choice to be thin(ner).
"Just drink a BIG glass full of water! That'll fix your hunger!" I remind. However, I'm NOT hungry. It's not physical hunger that compells me to partake. It's emotional craving. It's the endorphines which form as my mouth sits upon icing for a brief second, before penetrating the surface with a slight 'tug' against the top of the pastry. It's about the sweet reward of jelly or creme or sweetened apples EXPLODING onto my tastebuds as I eat. It's about the feeling of want -> desire -> Gratification.
Psychologists would tell me I've got Mother-issues, perhaps. Liberals would demand I wage war against the donut makers; as the enablers of Obesity.
All I know...well...not 'ALL"...but Most of what I feel right this very second demands my returning to the break room, and gorging myself. Anythign to stop the pain.
Years from now, I may look back upon this moment and giggle. Years from now I'll be a svelte 190lbs (still 20lbs over weight according to the 'charts'), and I'll be able to indulge in a one-time, or infrequent donut. I must not let my guard down, however. For me, it has to be a complete lifestyle choice to 'not' over-eat. It's a hard choice...but If I want to be free to remove my shirt in the company of others, for ANY reason, I have to continue on this choice...the choice to be thin(ner).
