From the book Mr. Right Opinion - Unplugged and Unashamed by Michael A. Minton
I'M VOTING FOR THIS GUY...
* * *
* * * WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S.
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING
SPEECH?
* * *
*** ***
*** *** "My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the
Iraq regime has been completed.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Since congress does not want to spend any more
money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
*** ***
*** *** * * * This morning I gave the order for a complete
removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete
within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
*** ***
*** ***
*** *** * * * Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria ,
Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
*** ***
*** *** * * * The other list contains every one not on the first
list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary
will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and
indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty
much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER
IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
*** ***
*** *** * * * The American people are no longer going to pour
money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow
fat on corruption.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an
epidemic? Call France.
*** ***
*** *** * * * In the future, together with Congress, I will work
to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we
still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your
friends from the face of the earth.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
France or maybe China .
*** ***
*** *** * * * I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies.
*** ***
*** *** * * * I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to
begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with
more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will
be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty
pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets.
Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and
limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I
love New York
*** ***
*** *** * * * A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List
2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks
might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his
entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will
have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting
around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating
the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
*** ***
*** *** * * * We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately,
we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this
country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist
who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country
and move there.
*** ***
*** *** * * * It is time for America to focus on its own welfare
and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them
by saying, "darn tootin."
*** ***
*** *** * * * Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of
just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in
America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations
on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't
forget.
*** ***
*** *** * * * To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You
might want to learn to speak Arabic.
*** ***
*** *** * * * God bless America . Thank you and good night. "
I'M VOTING FOR THIS GUY...
* * *
* * * WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S.
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING
SPEECH?
* * *
*** ***
*** *** "My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the
Iraq regime has been completed.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Since congress does not want to spend any more
money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
*** ***
*** *** * * * This morning I gave the order for a complete
removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete
within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
*** ***
*** ***
*** *** * * * Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria ,
Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
*** ***
*** *** * * * The other list contains every one not on the first
list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary
will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and
indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty
much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER
IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
*** ***
*** *** * * * The American people are no longer going to pour
money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow
fat on corruption.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an
epidemic? Call France.
*** ***
*** *** * * * In the future, together with Congress, I will work
to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we
still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your
friends from the face of the earth.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
France or maybe China .
*** ***
*** *** * * * I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies.
*** ***
*** *** * * * I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to
begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with
more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will
be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty
pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets.
Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and
limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I
love New York
*** ***
*** *** * * * A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List
2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks
might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his
entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will
have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting
around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.
*** ***
*** *** * * * Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating
the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
*** ***
*** *** * * * We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately,
we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this
country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist
who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country
and move there.
*** ***
*** *** * * * It is time for America to focus on its own welfare
and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them
by saying, "darn tootin."
*** ***
*** *** * * * Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of
just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in
America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations
on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't
forget.
*** ***
*** *** * * * To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You
might want to learn to speak Arabic.
*** ***
*** *** * * * God bless America . Thank you and good night. "
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