I Think A Power Drill Would Have Been Better

[xotoxi]

Dildo Drill - The Dildo Fucking Machine

Not to change the subject, but the other day I was in a restaurant and they had delicious dill-flavored dinner rolls. Soft, warm, and with the tanginess and flavor of dill.

I asked them for the recipe and they actually gave it to me.

If anyone is interested in the recipe for dill dough, please PM me.

Punishment like that deserves retribution.

Ed,

Are you interested in the recipe for dill dough?

 

[Patriot2009]

These are not as good as the OP's but I found a few:

A computer fan had a romance on the Internet. When he fixed to meet his love in Sydney, Australia, she turned out to be the woman he'd divorced eight years ago

A court witness had to tell the truth when a lawyer asked if she was sexually active. "No, I just lie there," she replied in Chicago Illinois.

A Clumsy hunter who shot himself in the leg, fired his rifle to attract help in the wilds of Arizona - and the bullet ricocheted into his OTHER leg.

Speaking of hunting. Here is a hunter's diary that I ran across a few years ago --

1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings.
2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.
3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.
3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun.
3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the stupid tent.
4:30 AM: Head for the woods.
6:05 AM: See eight deer.
6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 AM: CLICK.
6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 AM: Head back to camp.
9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.
10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.
NOON : Fire gun for help---eat wild berries.
2:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back.
2:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach.
2:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries.
2:45 PM: Rescued.
2:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead.
3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp.
3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.
5:00 PM: Empty gun on bug that is bugging you.
6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing.
6:01 PM: Load gun.
6:02 PM: Fire gun.
6:03 PM: One dead pickup.
6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer.
6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners.
6:07 PM: Fall into fire.
6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire.
6:15 PM: Take pickup; leave hunting partners and deer in camp.
6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block.
6:26 PM: Start walking.
6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
6:35 PM: Meet bear.
6:36 PM: Take aim.
6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.
6:38 PM: Mess pants.
6:39 PM: Climb tree.
11:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap gun around tree.
Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.
Next day: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Warden.

One could add a last line to read "And spend the rest of the day oiling up new sawzall sex toy...