I really really despise men at this point in my life!!!

[Trinity]

You know first before I start on this, let me apologize right away to any of the male species that are not like this and may get offended by my remarks. Keep in mind while you're reading this that I am married to a complete asshole......... ask anyone they'll tell you ( krisy, wolfsblood, gaffer). and it is 4:30am. Where to begin....... well let's start with this morning. I have been rudely awakened by my husband at 4 am why? because the battery on his car is dead why? becouse he left the headlights on when he got home last night from work. I turned them off when I got in from football practice with the boy's at 8:30. So he is taking my truck to go to work, oh and by the way he says if you want to go anywhere you'll need to get the charger and charge the battery up in the car............. oh gee it's 4 am and I have to take the boy's to school at 8 am guess who isn't going back to bed this morning. since I have to run the extension cord out the back door I can't just hook it up and go back to bed. Do you think he could use his f&@*ing brain for more then a hat rack once in a while. You know maybe remember to turn the headlights off when you get home DUUHHHHH!!!!! That's just the begining I could write a book on his horrible, bad, inconsiderate behaviour. He is a lazy, selfish, inconsiderate asshole. I can only think of 1 postive thing to say about this man, sad isn't it. He does go to work everyday and works hard. However he is under the assumption that when he gets home the only thing he has to do is get on the computer and play his games. He wants me to bring him his dinner and something to drink or get me this or get me that or run me a bath because I am to f@#$ing lazy to do it myself. However I rarely get a thankyou for doing anything for him. You know I didn't mind doing it at the begining because we didn't have kids, then when we did have kid's and I was staying at home, not working he still wanted me to do this. Now however I am excpected to go and get a job fulltime and take care of him and the children and do all the other household chores. For some reason he seems to think this is the 1950's, except I am supposed to work full time now as well. But what he fails to realize is as soon as I get a fulltime job, which will most likely be next school year, when my youngest enters first grade, is that I will soon be divorcing his lazy, sorry, inconsiderate ass. Speaking of the kid's here is another example of his laziness William is 8 and has been in soccer since the age of 4 now he is playing football, jesse is almost 6 and has been playing soccer since the age of 4. My husband has been to maybe 3 of william's soccer games and 1 of jesse's in 4 years. One of the other mom's I know from football made the comment last night that we have known each other for 4 years and she has only seen my husband 1 time. no he does not work 2nd shift, he works 1st, he gets home between 4 and 5 most days. Oh he's to tired to go to practices he's been working all day, well guess what I go back to work fulltime I won't be able to use that excuse becouse my kids depend on me. Lazy F#$@ING ASSHOLE. We been done that road, of me working fulltime with the kid's, I got no help from him then, I am positive I will get none now either. well ok I guess i'm done for the moment go ahead and comment or ask questions I dont mind. Anyone else married to an asshole like this?



Some history........... been together for 14 years married 9, I think, too fucking long I stopped counting after 5.

We pretty much have seperate lives, he does his thing, I do mine. I haven't slept in my bedroom in about a year, I take turn's sleeping with my boy's in their rooms.

DIVORCE IS INEVITABLE!!!

GOOD GOD I have been typing for over an hour now and haven't even told but a very small portion.

 

[lilcountriegal]

You're better off to divorce his ass quickly. I was married to an asshole like that. We were together for 3 years, only married 11 months. Everytime I left my house to work (I worked, he didnt), he turned our home into a brothel. I came home from work, cooked his dinner, cleaned the house... I held the dishes off one night because I was too tired and by the time I got home the next day, he had thrown out every dish in my house, including cups, plates, bowls, silverware, etc. and replaced them all with plastic because he said I "didnt do the dishes quick enough". He'd get drunk and shoot holes through the walls... he was pretty much psycho.

I ended up filing for divorce after he went to his mother's one day and took all the phones in the house with him so I couldnt make a call. I had to pay spousal support to the lazy piece of shit for about a year, but I thank God every day I had no kids to him.

I'm sure you could hear hundreds of horror stories from different people, but the one consistent thing is: once it gets that bad, it doesnt get better. Toss his ass out... you'll be surprised how much stress it relieves.

 

[dmp]

Devil's advocate hat = ON.

If you are easily offended, I'd suggest not reading the following...I'm just calling it like I see it...no 'blaming' or taking sides. But there ARE two sides, remember...








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You are pissed because he took your car to work, since his battery was dead? That's part of being a 'family'. Regardless of the cause...he has to be to work at a certian time. You don't. Shouldn't be a big deal. Granted, he maybe 'could' have ran the extension cord for you, but that musta took off of what? 15 minutes?

Bringing a guy dinner, after he works 'hard all and every day' or running a bath for him isn't a big deal. Maybe he's feeling a LOT of pressure for carrying the family's finances. I think the LEAST you could do is help him get fed. Perhaps he's just as stressed out as you - I'd bet MORE. Not only does he do a job he may not enjoy, all day...he has to come home to a wife who is bitter - for whatever reason. Chances are I'd try to occupy myself with video games too; anything as an escape of a life which isn't turning out like I hoped.

Perhaps he IS too tired to do anything after work. Maybe he needs to go to the doctor and have some bloodwork done?

Instead of publicly trashing the guy you PROMISED to love, for better or worse, TALK to him about it. Go to Church. Pray for him and your marriage. LOVE him, and love ON him.

It's pretty pathetic that people would ENCOURAGE you to divorce him. If you want to honour your promise - if you want to set a GOOD example to your kids about 'sticking it out when things get rough', stay with your husband. Pray for him. Be an example to him. Treat him like YOU would like to be treated. It's hard work - sure...but so?

Hang in there...things can improve.



-all the best,

darin

 

[lilcountriegal]

It's pretty pathetic that people would ENCOURAGE you to divorce him. If you want to honour your promise - if you want to set a GOOD example to your kids about 'sticking it out when things get rough', stay with your husband. Pray for him. Be an example to him. Treat him like YOU would like to be treated. It's hard work - sure...but so?

No offense Darin, but that's easy for you to say. You have a gorgeous wife and a happy marriage. Not everyone's marriages turn out as perfectly as yours. I'm not a particularly religious person, but I do believe the marriage vows should be honored and every effort should be exhausted to save a marriage before finally choosing the divorce option. However, the bitterness in khafley's post leads me to believe that there are bigger underlying problems here.

Its great to be happy, and you want everyone else to experience that happiness, unfortunately, not everyone's marriages turn out to be blissful.

 

[Trinity]

You know what darin, I am not easily offended I am married to a man who calls me everything but a white woman. Because he just thought about something I did 10 years ago that pissed him off at that paticular moment. I agree with you completly on marriage vows, however I have been trying to work on this with him for years and he absolulty refuses he doesnt want to get counseling he doesnt want to go to the doctor's to be diagnosed with what I believe is bi polar disorder. It's pretty sad when both of my young children want to know when are we going to move away from daddy because all he does is yell! I'm not getting any younger and I am not living like this for the rest of my life.


As for the bringing him his dinner and such I would be more then happy to if I could just get a Thanks hun dinner was great! No I get what the fuck is this shit! Is that all you made.


Do you see where the bitterness is coming in to play here!!

 

[dmp]

No offense Darin, but that's easy for you to say. You have a gorgeous wife and a happy marriage. Not everyone's marriages turn out as perfectly as yours. I'm not a particularly religious person, but I do believe the marriage vows should be honored and every effort should be exhausted to save a marriage before finally choosing the divorce option. However, the bitterness in khafley's post leads me to believe that there are bigger underlying problems here.

Its great to be happy, and you want everyone else to experience that happiness, unfortunately, not everyone's marriages turn out to be blissful.

What makes you think my marriage is happy? What makes you think things are perfect? What would my wife's looks have to do with it? Vows are NOT just for Religious people. What if the President goes back on his Vow to protect the Nation and junk? I would bet MONEY that 3 years ago I was MORE despressed, MORE bitter, and MORE disgusted at my wife than she is her husband. I'd bet you all the Money Duane and Lanyce have too.

People fall into the trap that life/marriages have to be 'happy'...that 'happiness' is the most important aspect. Happiness is fleeting. Happiness is a feeling just like 'hunger' or 'anger' or 'fear'. Basing one's decision to honour the vows given on a fleeting feeling can be unwise.



Not offended in the least.

 

[dmp]

Do you see where the bitterness is coming in to play here!!

Yup and I'm not saying any reasonable person would have 'put up' with things as long as you have.

What I'm saying is there are causes for his behaviour. Some of those causes may be things 'you' do. Rightly or wrongly. For Better or Worse...Things right now may seem 'worse'...but there's Hope, luv.

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

In all fairness each and every situation is circumstantial.
There are MANY levels of abuse in a relationship, and many ways to fix them.
Speak to a professional about your problems and explore all of your options.

 

[DKSuddeth]

I'd bet you all the Money Duane and Lanyce have too.

whoa tiger. :bat:

People fall into the trap that life/marriages have to be 'happy'...that 'happiness' is the most important aspect. Happiness is fleeting. Happiness is a feeling just like 'hunger' or 'anger' or 'fear'. Basing one's decision to honour the vows given on a fleeting feeling can be unwise.

Marriage isn't all about being 'happy'. Any marriage worth being called a marriage is alot of work. Now, only hearing one side about your situation khafley, makes it easy to side with you but darin does have a point. It may not be all about you. It MIGHT be all about you, but we don't get to hear a completely impartial view of it.

With that said, just some of the things that you have mentioned, namely the bed issue as well as the routine he seems to have adapted, your marriage may well be over. Before you make that final decision you might want to stop and ask yourself what reason(s) he might have for isolating himself away from his family the way he has. They might not be good reasons, but they are his reasons. If you've done all this and tried to talk, reason, work it out, and he STILL has decided to continue this then there probably isn't anything else you can do for him and you may well be justified in doing the divorce thing.

just my two cents from someone who's come close to divorce more than once.

 

[Sandy73]

Hon, you don't need that bullshit ! That is basically verbal abuse ! I don't see anything in marriage vows that allows for that ! On the other hand respect IS a vow that he took also ! I have no patience for that !

My ex husband was on CRACK ! He came home and did the same to me and I was every bad name imaginable to man .. I worked 2 jobs took care of the kids on my own and a house ! After 5 yrs of this garbage I threw him out and changed the locks and me and my two kids were much happier !
The sad part is my kids never see him any longer cause we cannot find him .. He is 15,000 + at last count in arears for child support ! Some men and women are just losers and vows mean nothing to losers ! DUMP HIS ASS !!!

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

In all fairness each and every situation is circumstantial.
There are MANY levels of abuse in a relationship, and many ways to fix them.
Speak to a professional about your problems and explore all of your options.

Before you go to the extreme and just DUMP HIS ASS, you should at least
try every solution. This may require outside help. If for nothing else you
can say that you tried 100% to make it work. That will always make you
feel better in the event of a broken relationship.

 

[Mr. P]

khafley,

Are drugs or alcohol involved here?
If so to what extent?

 

[Moi]

Hey dear, I sympathize. Marriage is work. But work takes two willing parties...both have to give it their all. Now, that doesn't mean your all has to be on the same day as his all. But overall, both gotta give.

If he won't go to counseling, go yourself. It might enable you to find different (i.e., less threatening ways) to get him in line. And Darin's right- there are reasons people act the way they do. There is no excuse for verbal abuse but your husband may have legitimate concerns- what he needs is a safe way to express them and discuss them.

Your marriage may well be over. But you still need to be with this man in some capacity as he's the father of your children. Poisonous relationships will affect the kids so Communication is still key in that area as well.

Good luck...and if you need more shoulders...just pm me.

 

[Trinity]

khafley,

Are drugs or alcohol involved here?
If so to what extent?

Why sure, Beer and pot and if he drinks beam or jack he really becomes an asshole.

See thats just it I am completely against smoking pot. however he does not do it that often maybe once a week i think but i'm not around him much so he could be doing daily now, which is why I tolerate it and he is not allowed to do it in the house or around me or our chiildren.

I would say he drinks atleast 1 to 2 beers in the evening but usually on the weekend 6 to 12 pack.


I think the biggest problem is I have matured, and he has not, he at the age of 37 still has the mentality of a 5 year old. For instance circumstances that are completly beyond my control are my fault. For example there is a guy who is selling football equipment and shirts at our fields and I had ordered my husband one because when I bought mine and my son's they did not have any in a XX large well this guy was suppose to have it on wed. he was a no show then again last night he didnt show up so when I came home I was told by my husband that well if he didn't have shirts for all of us then you shouldnt have bought any till he had all of them. Like he's actually going to attend any football games anyway!

What the hell like I have any control over this guy showing up or not.


I swear if the elections don't turn out the way he wants them to he would find some way to blame me............ he will!!!

 

[Trinity]

Hey dear, I sympathize. Marriage is work. But work takes two willing parties...both have to give it their all. Now, that doesn't mean your all has to be on the same day as his all. But overall, both gotta give.

If he won't go to counseling, go yourself. It might enable you to find different (i.e., less threatening ways) to get him in line. And Darin's right- there are reasons people act the way they do. There is no excuse for verbal abuse but your husband may have legitimate concerns- what he needs is a safe way to express them and discuss them.

Your marriage may well be over. But you still need to be with this man in some capacity as he's the father of your children. Poisonous relationships will affect the kids so Communication is still key in that area as well.

Good luck...and if you need more shoulders...just pm me.

Yes you are absolutly right he is the father of my children however he is also the father of a 14 year old boy, who he has seen 5 times since birth. he thinks because he is paying child support for this boy that he is doing his job as a father.

 

[007]

What always amazes me in these situations, is that you were never able to "see it coming".

I get the impression maybe you weren't the best judge of character when you married him.

Why are women attracked "bad boys"? Nice guys are always shuffled off to the side. They're not "exciting".

 

[Trinity]

What always amazes me in these situations, is that you were never able to "see it coming".

I get the impression maybe you weren't the best judge of character when you married him.

Why are women attracked "bad boys"? Nice guys are always shuffled off to the side. They're not "exciting".

No actually I wasn't the best judge of charecter thats what happens when you get married at a young age and for all the wrong reasons.


Good ? I ask myself that. I think most women don't bother to give the nice guys a chance. It's all about image when your younger then you grow up and go wtf was I thinking!! At least in my case. I can't answer for everyone else.

 

[Trinity]

Good ? I ask myself that. I think most women don't bother to give the nice guys a chance. It's all about image when your younger then you grow up and go wtf was I thinking!! At least in my case. I can't answer for everyone else.

To much alcohol back then!!! I don't drink now that's the problem!!

 

[007]

No actually I wasn't the best judge of charecter thats what happens when you get married at a young age and for all the wrong reasons.


Good ? I ask myself that. I think most women don't bother to give the nice guys a chance. It's all about image when your younger then you grow up and go wtf was I thinking!! At least in my case. I can't answer for everyone else.

It's a hard thing to do. Who can really see the future. I don't blame you or anything else. It sounds as though you two have grown in different directions.

I'd end it.

 

[007]

To much alcohol back then!!! I don't drink now that's the problem!!

Have one... you might enjoy it. Lord knows, you've earned one. :tng: