I feel guilty over the death of my boss' secretary...

[Blackrook]

She was very, very old and very, very sick.

She was rude to me.

She did not get the work done, it was left piling up everywhere.

Every time I looked at her computer she was viewing something non-work related.

The boss took her out on cigarette breaks on her wheelchair. It was obvious he cared for her very much.

She had been with the firm for 25 years and there was no way he was ever going to fire her no natter how much she goofed off and slept at her desk.

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

 

[Crepitus]

She was very, very old and very, very sick.

She was rude to me.

She did not get the work done, it was left piling up everywhere.

Every time I looked at her computer she was viewing something non-work related.

The boss took her out on cigarette breaks on her wheelchair. It was obvious he cared for her very much.

She had been with the firm for 25 years and there was no way he was ever going to fire her no natter how much she goofed off and slept at her desk.

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Sometimes the hardest people to live with are ourselves.

 

[Dekster]

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Did you murder her?

 

[Indeependent]

She was very, very old and very, very sick.

She was rude to me.

She did not get the work done, it was left piling up everywhere.

Every time I looked at her computer she was viewing something non-work related.

The boss took her out on cigarette breaks on her wheelchair. It was obvious he cared for her very much.

She had been with the firm for 25 years and there was no way he was ever going to fire her no natter how much she goofed off and slept at her desk.

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

I didn’t know we worked in the same office!

 

[Blackrook]

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Did you murder her?

No, not even my heart did I murder her.

I wanted her to retire.

It was very frustrating to me that the work was not getting done, and every time I saw her she was either asleep at her desk or looking at an Amazon catalogue.

 

[Rambunctious]

Maybe her demeanor had nothing to do with you but was a result of the fact she still had to work even though she was old and feeble enough for a wheel chair....just think what a great retirement system we could have in America if every elected official were as America first as Trump is......

 

[Dekster]

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Did you murder her?

No, not even my heart did I murder her.

I wanted her to retire.

It was very frustrating to me that the work was not getting done, and every time I saw her she was either asleep at her desk or looking at an Amazon catalogue.

she worked for the boss, not you. why did it bother you her work wasn't getting done?

 

[Blackrook]

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Did you murder her?

No, not even my heart did I murder her.

I wanted her to retire.

It was very frustrating to me that the work was not getting done, and every time I saw her she was either asleep at her desk or looking at an Amazon catalogue.

she worked for the boss, not you. why did it bother you her work wasn't getting done?

Because it was also my work not getting done. I write letters to clients and carriers, responses to discovery, etc., weeks later they still haven't gone out. I know it's the bosses fault, but part of the reason it's his fault is he kept a secretary on as a charity case who did not and could not get a day's work done.

 

[beautress]

She's in a better place, BlackRook. Don't worry. And you are a more mature man for realizing there's always more we could have done for the deceased. It's just human. When I feel low, I pull out a sewing machine and make a quilt top for charity--seniors in nursing homes and fatherless babies with AIDs. It only takes a couple of days, and when I'm done, the blues were chased away the first five minutes of work. Of course, I'm retired, widowed and have no dependents. Just the thought that you're doing something for someone else you will never see has its comforting aspect. There are a lot of ways you can do good in your own community, or in one far away in your co-worker's honor. It never fails to benefit you to do good to someone else, especially a co-worker. And you don't have to tell anyone. Healing is done from within your own heart by you, trust me.

 

[bodecea]

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Did you murder her?

Gotta wonder.

 

[The Irish Ram]

She was very, very old and very, very sick.

She was rude to me.

She did not get the work done, it was left piling up everywhere.

Every time I looked at her computer she was viewing something non-work related.

The boss took her out on cigarette breaks on her wheelchair. It was obvious he cared for her very much.

She had been with the firm for 25 years and there was no way he was ever going to fire her no natter how much she goofed off and slept at her desk.

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

There is no need to feel guilty or to share that with co-workers. It was a private thought that needs no explanation to anyone. It is a self reflection issue you're dealing with now. Don't be hard on yourself for being human.
I think the key lies in the 2 definitions of gone. The latter "gone" in your post refers to dead. The first "gone" doesn't mean that. I don't believe you wished her dead. Merely retired. That's nothing to feel guilty about. You're fine. We all have those moments.
Having said that...
Kudos to your boss. For setting a good example to follow. Compassion and patience. Maybe a bouquet on your boss's desk to acknowledge their going above and beyond. Or a cake with John 13:35 with a check mark beside it. A little reward for a job well done would be a thoughtful gift and might make you feel more like yourself at heart. I have a feeling that you are a pretty nice person to begin with.

 

[Dekster]

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Did you murder her?

No, not even my heart did I murder her.

I wanted her to retire.

It was very frustrating to me that the work was not getting done, and every time I saw her she was either asleep at her desk or looking at an Amazon catalogue.

she worked for the boss, not you. why did it bother you her work wasn't getting done?

Because it was also my work not getting done. I write letters to clients and carriers, responses to discovery, etc., weeks later they still haven't gone out. I know it's the bosses fault, but part of the reason it's his fault is he kept a secretary on as a charity case who did not and could not get a day's work done.

If letters you wrote for your boss to sign were not going out, then they were not a priority for the boss.

Anyway, I have an employee I could never fire. God knows I have wanted to several times. God knows several times she deserved to be fired. What it comes down to is she knows my quirks and works around them, through them etc when push comes to shove. More importantly and to the point, for 4 months when my mother was dying a very protracted death, I lost all concept of time. I wasn't an emotional wreck. The circumstances were just so all consuming of my mental energy and time, trying to work some and deal with that, travelling back and forth between states sometimes twice in the same day, and other issues, I kept putting everything off until tomorrow until the day after tomorrow etc etc etc. Having been through that herself and knowing I was pretty much not taking care of anything, she took it upon herself to take over my personal finances, often paying my bills out of her own accounts until I could stop long enough to write her a check. For that reason she will never be fired. I might run over her in the parking lot one day, but I will never fire her.

 

[airplanemechanic]

A very very similar situation happened to me at work.

I used to work at a place in a room with a woman who so said had the same job as me. Meaning we were each supposed to carry 50 percent of the work load. All she did was play on Facebook. The computer program we used showed my user account as having input 97% of the data. But I had a side job of also being the dispatcher for these orders so I dealt with a fleet of trucks as well.

I started wanting her gone too. Then one day she never showed up for work. I went into my bosses office and told him I was tired of her coming in late like this and they still kept her on. I chewed his ass up one side and down the other. A couple of hours later we get a call from her daughter (who was sexy as hell) telling us her mom was in the emergency room having emergency brain surgery removing a baseball sized tumor from the back of her head.

Shes been in an assisted care facility ever since. But I didn't feel bad about about how I felt. I would go home so stressed out I could barely eat. Then I hacked the pay system one day when I had to stay late and was bored and found out she was making more than me. I was livid.

There is no shame in wanting a bad coworker gone. Just like a bad president. People would ask me if I wanted Obama dead. I'd tell them forcefully absolutely not, I just want him gone.

 

[Natural Citizen]

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Where do you work? We'll tell em for ya. Ha.

 

[Blackrook]

I've worked in a series of law firms that were revolving doors, with people getting hired, working a few weeks and then leaving.

This firm is the opposite of a revolving door. A woman works there 25 years and can't get fired even though she's collecting a paycheck while sleeping at her death and surfing the internet.

 

[Moonglow]

She was very, very old and very, very sick.

She was rude to me.

She did not get the work done, it was left piling up everywhere.

Every time I looked at her computer she was viewing something non-work related.

The boss took her out on cigarette breaks on her wheelchair. It was obvious he cared for her very much.

She had been with the firm for 25 years and there was no way he was ever going to fire her no natter how much she goofed off and slept at her desk.

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

God you are a basket case.

 

[Blackrook]

She was very, very old and very, very sick.

She was rude to me.

She did not get the work done, it was left piling up everywhere.

Every time I looked at her computer she was viewing something non-work related.

The boss took her out on cigarette breaks on her wheelchair. It was obvious he cared for her very much.

She had been with the firm for 25 years and there was no way he was ever going to fire her no natter how much she goofed off and slept at her desk.

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

God you are a basket case.

How's it going building that perfect world you want?

Do you think being nasty to people will help you build that perfect world?

 

[Compost]

She was very, very old and very, very sick.

She was rude to me.

She did not get the work done, it was left piling up everywhere.

Every time I looked at her computer she was viewing something non-work related.

The boss took her out on cigarette breaks on her wheelchair. It was obvious he cared for her very much.

She had been with the firm for 25 years and there was no way he was ever going to fire her no natter how much she goofed off and slept at her desk.

Every day I wished she would go away, I wanted her gone, I wanted her to retire.

On Monday evening she passed away.

And now I feel guilty, because I wanted her gone, and now she is gone.

I can tell no one at work how I feel.

Let this be a lesson on loving your neighbor. Pray on it. Go to confession.

 

[Crepitus]

Maybe her demeanor had nothing to do with you but was a result of the fact she still had to work even though she was old and feeble enough for a wheel chair....just think what a great retirement system we could have in America if every elected official were as America first as Trump is......

tRump wants to cut SS and Medicare you know.

 

[Rambunctious]

Maybe her demeanor had nothing to do with you but was a result of the fact she still had to work even though she was old and feeble enough for a wheel chair....just think what a great retirement system we could have in America if every elected official were as America first as Trump is......

tRump wants to cut SS and Medicare you know.

Liar....it does you no good to lie to people that have the truth at their finger tips....