i am scared

[strollingbones]

and unlike john edwards i can put my life on hold....for a while....for how long it takes...she put her life on hold when i needed her.

 

[PoliticalChic]

Bones, I know this can be a very bad time. My mother-in-law had Alzheimer's and it was difficult on everyone.

We were fortunate we lived in NYC where she was eligible of many services. Is there a social worker that you can speak with that can advise you of any services for the elderly?

When she was first diagnosed we had no idea that things would deteriorate so quickly. She needed help in so many areas of her life. At night she would not sleep and wander out. Sometimes the police use to bring her back.

Have you discussed Aricept with your mother's doctor? It is supposed to delay the progression, but it also has a some undesirable side effects.

If you feel comfortable discussing with your friends, you should call them. I think they would understand that you were not your usual self due to this new strain on your life. Also, there are places you can contact to get support from other people who have parents with Alzheimer's. I won't deny that we were frustrated because we just couldn't get through to her. She couldn't understand nor remember anything that was related to her short-term memory. She sometimes got violent too which was not characteristic of her.

Good luck to you and I hope we have helped you feel a bit less scared about this new situation. Please post if you need more support.

 

[Cecilie1200]

i dont need pity....i just need to man up....and right now that aint happening....i think if i could stop the spontanous crying ..but on the upside...my pantry is cleaned and organized...funny how you resort to doing stuff like that...

as for driving people away...i got a knack for it....when you base your hold persona on being a cold hard bitch well...it happens....one guy when he left....he said..."your a cold bitch with nitrogen in your veins"...so to suddenly feel so damned needy is making me crazy...

my word is my word ...even if my word was given at 14....as long as she is not violent or harming herself she will not be put in a nursing home..

yes we all face this with our parents ... medical issues etc... i am hoping if i continue to post on this...that it will help others...

in a lot of ways this does allow me to express how i am feeling and try to sort everything out...

breaking it down into smaller units is a good plan....right now...doctors evalutation....then go from there...

did i mention being scared....i got to shake that....

o friend of mine is always going..."what does not kill us makes us stronger" ...started that bullshit the other day with me....so i simply whack him upside the head pretty hard....he is going wtf....i said...hey i am making you stronger.....

Maybe the universe is trying to teach you that you don't always have to be a cold, hard bitch, and that you should thaw a little bit and start letting yourself need people so that they have the privilege of being there for you. You do realize that you're denying them something they need by insisting on being this way, right?

"My word is my word" is a terrible basis for making these decisions, and you should throw it right the hell out of your mind right now. The ONLY basis for making decisions about your mom's future should be what's in her best interests, and there are other reasons why someone might need round-the-clock medical care available besides being violent or harming themselves. I'm not saying to put her in a nursing home. I'm saying get your priorities and motivations straight, and toss out everything that isn't about her health and well-being.

 

[Cecilie1200]

and unlike john edwards i can put my life on hold....for a while....for how long it takes...she put her life on hold when i needed her.

You probably shouldn't, though. I'm not kidding that you're really going to need those normal routines to keep you stable. If you shut down everything else in your life to concentrate on a sick loved one, you end up out-of-touch with reality and off-kilter, with nothing to draw on for strength. You'll have to rearrange your life, I don't doubt, but don't give it up. You need the anchor.

Also, in your previous post, you said you hadn't told any friends because they have their own problems. If you're waiting for a time when people DON'T have their own problems to deal with, you're never going to tell anyone. Tell 'em. They'll manage.

 

[strollingbones]

update: doc's news was not as bad as it could have been...i havent cried in 3 or 4 days now....i told one real life friend.....my husband is being supportive....i think my not crying and being pissed helps..thanks for the support....

she denies having any follow up appt. while i know she has at least 4.....and the beat goes on.....

 

[Ravi]

She's probably scared.