I am on the cusp of a major life-changing decision...

[sealybobo]

I am divorced, and as of April 1, my daughter will get her own apartment, leaving me with an empty nest for the first time in my adult life.

My ex-wife walked away without any interest in our home. That was her decision, but I now own a home with a lot of equity and I've been thinking it's my retirement nest egg.

But recently, I made a new friend and she is going to China to be an ESL teacher, and she inspired me that maybe I need to make a drastic change as well.

I'm thinking of selling my home, traveling through Europe for a few months, then relocating to New York City.

In New York, I can get a job as an immigration lawyer and then pursue a new career as a writer.

The main reason I want to make a break is because of my ex-wife, who is still in my life despite the fact that she lives with her boyfriend.

My home is still filled with reminders of her, she decorated it, there are pictures everywhere, and she comes in my home any time she feels like it. We are friends, and we still do things together like watch TV and go to movies and bowling and restaurants. She still participates in family events like Thanksgiving and Christmas. She even decorates the house for Christmas and picks out the tree.

I feel like she is holding me back because she has her own separate life with her boyfriend but I do not have separate life without her. If I had a new relationship with a woman, it would be very awkward because my ex-wife would just walk in my home like she still owns the place and then I would have to explain that.

Also, because my ex-wife and I had children very early in our lives, there is lots I've never done, including going to Europe. For the first time in my life I have nothing holding me back and I want to take a long trip to Europe.

I am pretty sure I would get raped on capital gains taxes if I sold my home and did not buy another, but I'm willing to pay the tax so I can get a new beginning in my life, away from my ex-wife.

This would be a big break for me because I would leave behind everyone I know, but I am convinced I can make new friends in New York because I would join writers groups and participate in writers conferences and New York is the center of the world for writing.

I'm not really asking for anyone's permission, I just felt like sharing this.

Sounds good do it. Yolo

 

[007]

So what about the photographs? Do I put them back before my ex-wife notices they are gone?

I'm really not sure how to proceed. My ex-wife does not ever tell me what she wants, so all I can do is guess.

Does she think eventually we will get back together? I haven't a clue.

For the foreseeable future, that ship has sailed. Going back would be a mistake. Go forward.

I wouldn't put the photos back out. But don't throw them away either.

Burn the bridge... she has.

They have children. Those bridges don't go away.

I wasn't referring to the kids, and you knew that.

Yes, I knew that. But she is their mother.

So? She's treated him like crap. Left him and has flaunted her BOYFRIEND right in his face. She deserves ZERO consideration at this point in regards to what HE wants to do with the rest of HIS life. She's shown him none, he should show her none.

 

[WinterBorn]

For the foreseeable future, that ship has sailed. Going back would be a mistake. Go forward.

I wouldn't put the photos back out. But don't throw them away either.

Burn the bridge... she has.

They have children. Those bridges don't go away.

I wasn't referring to the kids, and you knew that.

Yes, I knew that. But she is their mother.

So? She's treated him like crap. Left him and has flaunted her BOYFRIEND right in his face. She deserves ZERO consideration at this point in regards to what HE wants to do with the rest of HIS life. She's shown him none, he should show her none.

And I did not say he should give her anything or take her back. Just that creating hostility with his wife puts the children in the middle. There will be numerous events in the future that both parents will be there for. Why make it harder on the kids.

He is selling the house and moving. That pretty much takes care of any flaunting.

 

[007]

Burn the bridge... she has.

They have children. Those bridges don't go away.

I wasn't referring to the kids, and you knew that.

Yes, I knew that. But she is their mother.

So? She's treated him like crap. Left him and has flaunted her BOYFRIEND right in his face. She deserves ZERO consideration at this point in regards to what HE wants to do with the rest of HIS life. She's shown him none, he should show her none.

And I did not say he should give her anything or take her back. Just that creating hostility with his wife puts the children in the middle. There will be numerous events in the future that both parents will be there for. Why make it harder on the kids.

He is selling the house and moving. That pretty much takes care of any flaunting.

And all I was pointing out was that the wife has "already" treated him like shit. Sure there's kids, but evidently she hasn't had much regard for them treating their father like a throw away piece of crap. Have her cake and eat it too. Excuse me but what a heartless bitch. Move out, LEAVE THE KIDS, and shack up with a new pipe she's riding and act like everything is just A-OK. I wouldn't have ANY regards for HER... "FEELINGS"... after she did something like that to me. She'd be IRRELEVANT. I'd move on, and I'd TALK to her, sure, for the kids sake, but she'd be lower than DIRT to me.

 

[Marion Morrison]

I am divorced, and as of April 1, my daughter will get her own apartment, leaving me with an empty nest for the first time in my adult life.

My ex-wife walked away without any interest in our home. That was her decision, but I now own a home with a lot of equity and I've been thinking it's my retirement nest egg.

But recently, I made a new friend and she is going to China to be an ESL teacher, and she inspired me that maybe I need to make a drastic change as well.

I'm thinking of selling my home, traveling through Europe for a few months, then relocating to New York City.

In New York, I can get a job as an immigration lawyer and then pursue a new career as a writer.

The main reason I want to make a break is because of my ex-wife, who is still in my life despite the fact that she lives with her boyfriend.

My home is still filled with reminders of her, she decorated it, there are pictures everywhere, and she comes in my home any time she feels like it. We are friends, and we still do things together like watch TV and go to movies and bowling and restaurants. She still participates in family events like Thanksgiving and Christmas. She even decorates the house for Christmas and picks out the tree.

I feel like she is holding me back because she has her own separate life with her boyfriend but I do not have separate life without her. If I had a new relationship with a woman, it would be very awkward because my ex-wife would just walk in my home like she still owns the place and then I would have to explain that.

Also, because my ex-wife and I had children very early in our lives, there is lots I've never done, including going to Europe. For the first time in my life I have nothing holding me back and I want to take a long trip to Europe.

I am pretty sure I would get raped on capital gains taxes if I sold my home and did not buy another, but I'm willing to pay the tax so I can get a new beginning in my life, away from my ex-wife.

This would be a big break for me because I would leave behind everyone I know, but I am convinced I can make new friends in New York because I would join writers groups and participate in writers conferences and New York is the center of the world for writing.

I'm not really asking for anyone's permission, I just felt like sharing this.

Well, best of luck to you... but going to NY sounds kind of risky, given what the cost of living there is. (IF it's NYC< anyway.)

If you have the financial means, I say go for it. We probably disagree on everything, but it sounds like you'd done your job as a parent and a member of the community. You really don't owe anyone anything else at this point.

I am divorced, and as of April 1, my daughter will get her own apartment, leaving me with an empty nest for the first time in my adult life.

My ex-wife walked away without any interest in our home. That was her decision, but I now own a home with a lot of equity and I've been thinking it's my retirement nest egg.

But recently, I made a new friend and she is going to China to be an ESL teacher, and she inspired me that maybe I need to make a drastic change as well.

I'm thinking of selling my home, traveling through Europe for a few months, then relocating to New York City.

In New York, I can get a job as an immigration lawyer and then pursue a new career as a writer.

The main reason I want to make a break is because of my ex-wife, who is still in my life despite the fact that she lives with her boyfriend.

My home is still filled with reminders of her, she decorated it, there are pictures everywhere, and she comes in my home any time she feels like it. We are friends, and we still do things together like watch TV and go to movies and bowling and restaurants. She still participates in family events like Thanksgiving and Christmas. She even decorates the house for Christmas and picks out the tree.

I feel like she is holding me back because she has her own separate life with her boyfriend but I do not have separate life without her. If I had a new relationship with a woman, it would be very awkward because my ex-wife would just walk in my home like she still owns the place and then I would have to explain that.

Also, because my ex-wife and I had children very early in our lives, there is lots I've never done, including going to Europe. For the first time in my life I have nothing holding me back and I want to take a long trip to Europe.

I am pretty sure I would get raped on capital gains taxes if I sold my home and did not buy another, but I'm willing to pay the tax so I can get a new beginning in my life, away from my ex-wife.

This would be a big break for me because I would leave behind everyone I know, but I am convinced I can make new friends in New York because I would join writers groups and participate in writers conferences and New York is the center of the world for writing.

I'm not really asking for anyone's permission, I just felt like sharing this.

You will NOT be subject to capital gains taxes on the sale of you private residence. You will pay no taxes.

How's that?

Capital gains taxes do not apply to the sale of private residences. Exception being very expensive residences. The tax applies to rental real estate. Ask me how I know?

Thank you, that's a big load off my mind!!!

Since you seem to be in the mood to help me, how much would it cost to backpack in Europe for a year or so?

I mean backpack, no hotels, a Eurail pass to get around, eat at cheap restaurants, I mean live like a bum.

Capital gains taxes do not apply to the sale of private residences. Exception being very expensive residences. The tax applies to rental real estate. Ask me how I know?

Thank you, that's a big load off my mind!!!

Since you seem to be in the mood to help me, how much would it cost to backpack in Europe for a year or so?

I mean backpack, no hotels, a Eurail pass to get around, eat at cheap restaurants, I mean live like a bum.

I have no clue, but I fear you are too old for that life style. I know of young people who have done it very cheaply.

I'm 53, why would I be too old to rough it a bit? I don't have any aches or pains, or trouble getting around.

Why? If you have money, why would you want to live like a bum?

Is this some kind of a gag you are playing?

Because I am planning to live in New York City, so I can't spend all my money in Europe.

I read this short story before. Kid steals some money, goes and lives at The Waldorf for a dew days, then blows his brains out.

I think you need to think more, NY has a crushing tax burden. You'll end up in a cramped, ratty apartment with a fold-down bed and a train rolling by every 1/2 hour.

 

[MarathonMike]

It sounds like you know what you want to do. It also sounds like your ex doesn't make good decisions for herself and that is not likely to change.

 

[Ridgerunner]

OK, what state would you suggest?

Confusion...